AIBU to be annoyed my sister is moving house

[dottydaughterhungryhusband]

My DSis currently lives in same town as me, DBro and our parents, all within five min drive or 20 min walk. I count DSis as one of my best friends and we meet a couple of times a week with kids (she has two DDs, ages 1 and 3, I have DD age 2). Also, we go out for drinks kid free about once a month in town, can walk home.

She and DH are about to offer on a house about 20 miles away, the other side of a big city. I know the house is what they want and they like the area but I just can’t understand how she can consider living so far from us all.

It will take her DH an hour and half to get to work (currently 20 mins), and it will take them two hours to come to ours / parents / DB (very bad roads for traffic).
No more coffees in town or drinks out (no public transport where she’s going). It’s not any closer to DH family. And she’s always had a strained relationship with our DM but recently things have been good and DM has been looking after DNs once a week. That will stop when she moves.

She could definitely get what they want nearer us all with a bit of patience. I know it’s not Australia but it will change everything and I liked how things were. AIBU to be p!$$€d off?

Thank you all for your input. Especially those who had kind words and empathy.
Over and out.

I’d bloody love it if my brother lived 20 miles away, but he lives in Australia so that’s a 26 hr flights and two days of travel. If I’m lucky I see him and his children once every 2 years.

Perhaps they need a little space (especially from family who judge their choices instead of supporting them)?

Reading that gave me the slight shivers. Am so glad my family is nothing like this.

So, yes, it can take 2 hours to travel 20 miles - got that, everyone? Can we please move on now.

My MIL always reckoned you she should "have to take a bus" to see your herin-laws, ie don't live too close for the best relationship.

OP, I'm sure the thought of it will be worse than the reality.

I'm sorry you are going miss your sister being so close, just have a sense of proportion. It's really not that far. Getting together will be more special if you have to make a bit more effort.

You don't really need empathy OP, do you? Your sister is moving 20 miles away. That's all. No one is ill, or dying.

I love my sister dearly, we live 400 miles apart and still manage to have a really close relationship. I really can't be bothered when people look for drama when it really isn't there.

I'd be amazed if public transport isn't quicker in London. Can't you still meet your sis in the middle, with 30 mins travelling each?

I have exactly the same set up with my siblings, nieces, nephews and parents. We are all walking distance from each other and I would be gutted if anyone moved. You are getting flamed for the use of the word 'annoyed' but other than that, I totally get it.

It can easily take 2 hours to travel 20 miles across London.

We live in London but most of our family are in rural Ireland. They think nothing of driving 35 km to the nearest big town or 40 km to the swimming pool. They are mystified when we tell them we don’t see much of X or Y because they live 10 miles away. To them 10 miles is local but to us it’s a torturous drive through constant heavy traffic or a bus journey with 2 changes or an expensive train/tram/tube ride. To me as a South London dweller, North London is a far off and exotic place despite ‘only’ being 20 miles away.

You'd swear she was moving just to spite you all. She's entitled to live where she wants without having to consider your feelings, thankfully I daresay her desire to move to the new area trumps being in very close proximity to the rest of the family. Can't believe your attitude towards her decision given that you lived abroad yourself. You need to cop on and realise that her life doesn't revolve around what you want.

How can you possibly wonder how she can consider moving "so far away" when you lived abroad?

Wtaf is wrong with you?

In fairness, it has taken me an hour to travel 8 miles in one area of London before now, so 2 hours for 20 miles isn't unreasonable if it's a similar area!

But other than that, YABU, yes. She has her life to lead and it can't revolve around you.

We used to live 50 miles away from my DM (until she moved down to be near us as she loved our town). At that point it would take us exactly an hour to get to hers and she lived just off the M25 in South London.

If the journey time is an issue why don't you do a Google check on the actual driving times rather than rely on what your DSis assume's it will be? You may be pleasantly surprised depending on the time and day.

And you can still get together - it's just different! My DSis went to live in the USA for a few years - she still came home and we still saw each other.

20 miles is nothing! My family live hundreds of miles away. My in laws live in another country. I'd be over the moon to have family just 20 miles away.

Sorry OP for so many mean replies.
Heaven forbid someone could come on MN, tongue in cheek and let off a bit of silly steam.

Obviously, your upset comes from a place of love for your sister and that the cousins will not grow up very near each other.

Perfectly understandable.

Have your upset, let it settle, tell your sister you will miss her, but of course wish her the best. I bet you will do this without prompting from me!

Oh the other hand, your BIL going from a 20 minute to 90 minutes commute...now that is a dose and will take some getting used to.

Heaven forbid someone could come on MN, tongue in cheek and let off a bit of silly steam.

Clearly, this thread is not tongue in cheek @billy1966. The OP states that she is pissed off in her OP.

So it was ok for you to move abroad when it suited you but now your sister is moving 20 miles away you don't like it. You're being totally ridiculous.

I live 70 miles away from my family and it doesn’t take me two hours to see them!

She's your sister not your life partner how weird.

We’ve only lived near them three years, before that we were abroad for DH work so I’ve really enjoyed seeing everyone more often.

Sorry OP but I agree with PP who've said that if it's OK for you to move abroad, it really is OK for your sister to move 20 miles away. If those 20 miles involve London traffic then yes that can easily take 2 hours and I've lived in other cities almost as bad. Personally this is also why I cycle.

I would love it if a member of my family were that near. My nearest relative is over 100 miles away and by our standards that' reasonably close.

YANBU at all . On MN though everyone seems to try to be as antisocial as possible so I don’t think people will understand. It will be a big difference to how the children grow up and I would be upset too if you are all close. Probably you pictured them growing up running in and out of each other’s houses and that won’t happen in the same way now. Nothing you can do but support her though and make every effort to meet up when you can.

I did a 40 mile journey mostly involving the M25 in the morning rush hour this week. It took me under an hour. I know that that won't always be the case, but equally it certainly can't always be the case that 20 miles takes two hours.

I’ve never said this before on Mumsnet but do get a life OP.

I grew up with a cousin close in age as my best friend - she lived over an hour away and we generally only saw each other in school holidays.

It's sad that what you had is coming to an end but it is absolutely none of your business where you sister chooses to live and you have no right to be pissed off with her. Get a grip.