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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed my sister is moving house

146 replies

dottydaughterhungryhusband · 26/05/2019 11:26

My DSis currently lives in same town as me, DBro and our parents, all within five min drive or 20 min walk. I count DSis as one of my best friends and we meet a couple of times a week with kids (she has two DDs, ages 1 and 3, I have DD age 2). Also, we go out for drinks kid free about once a month in town, can walk home.

She and DH are about to offer on a house about 20 miles away, the other side of a big city. I know the house is what they want and they like the area but I just can’t understand how she can consider living so far from us all.

It will take her DH an hour and half to get to work (currently 20 mins), and it will take them two hours to come to ours / parents / DB (very bad roads for traffic).
No more coffees in town or drinks out (no public transport where she’s going). It’s not any closer to DH family. And she’s always had a strained relationship with our DM but recently things have been good and DM has been looking after DNs once a week. That will stop when she moves.

She could definitely get what they want nearer us all with a bit of patience. I know it’s not Australia but it will change everything and I liked how things were. AIBU to be p!$$€d off?

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 26/05/2019 12:34

It will take them two hours to travel twenty miles to you? Oh don’t be ridiculous. Are they travelling on foot? They’re moving twenty miles away, not to Australia. Perhaps you should widen your horizons a bit.

Jimmy2345 · 26/05/2019 12:34

Wow, my DS moved to the other side of the world and we didn’t make a fuss. 20 miles is nothing, you’ll still see her plenty.

Bluesheep8 · 26/05/2019 12:34

How come it was ok for you to live abroad though? What if your sister had said she was upset about that at the time? Would it have stopped you going? She is doing what's best for her and her family. Maybe she actively wants a complete change of scene or a fresh start for her own reasons of which you are unaware?

justyouraveragegirl · 26/05/2019 12:42

20 miles is hardly moving far away

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 26/05/2019 12:43

My brother moved over 200 miles away and it takes less than 4 hours to get to him (most of that on the bloody M25).

I takes less than 2 hours to visit my daughter at university and she’s nearly 80 miles away!

20 miles really is nothing!

pictish · 26/05/2019 12:49

You haven’t taken her dh’s wishes into account. Your sister might like having her family in her pocket but perhaps he’s not arsed to prioritise that on the list of things he wants out of a home...being close to his wife’s family. There will be things they both like about the new house and area and it’s unlikely that your proximity will feature for him at all. Even if he really likes you all.

It’s understandable that you feel a sense of loss over this but to be confused and annoyed about it says you have lacked perspective. They are a team and the move will be to suit both of them.

YouBumder · 26/05/2019 12:51

It easily takes several hours to cross a big city.

Yes, if walking. I live in one of the biggest cities in the U.K. and at most, in rush hour and bad traffic, it’d take about an hour and a half to get from one side to the other.

RomanyQueen1 · 26/05/2019 12:51

I can't think of anything worse than being in one anothers pockets, especially as grown ups.
YABU, it's not like she's moving far ffs.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 26/05/2019 12:54

I can completely believe that in some areas, a 20 mile journey could take two hours. I have just 'route planned' a drive to the former address of a relative. It is 17 miles away and the fastest journey, which would get me there early morning (breakfast time early) is 1 hour 13 minutes. At any other tine of day, both weekdays and weekends, the expected journey time is around the two hour mark. This is travelling into London. I can completely see how a similar journey who h takes you across a city, or even around it in some cases, oukd take that length of time.
That said, I do think yabu - it's still only two hours and that is doable, there and back in a day.

ShanghaiDiva · 26/05/2019 13:05

I live in a massive city in China and it would not take two hours to cross the city - more than 20 miles.
FFS get a grip.

wizzywig · 26/05/2019 13:17

Id love to hear her side of the story

ChristmasFluff · 26/05/2019 13:22

Well it's apparently a miracle me and my sisters even speak to eachother since at various times I have moved to Scotland, and they each had the temerity to actually move OVERSEAS at times!!!!

Your attitude to this shows that the way you live is too enmeshed and is not healthy, OP.

LadyRannaldini · 26/05/2019 13:29

20 miles? We drive more than that to buy milk! Can't understand why people are so parochial, there'd be far fewer posts regarding family arguments if living in each other's pockets wasn't the norm,

Original poster
dottydaughterhungryhusband · 26/05/2019 13:30

Fine ok I will take the opinion of most that IABU. Thanks for taking the time.

DSis said 2 hours, I can believe it with traffic (well done to poster who spotted the M25 is involved) but hopefully it’ll be less.

DBIL isn’t a controlling monster don’t worry!
And I will be happy for her and support her.
Yes I lived abroad and Everyone was fine with it, I think part of my sadness is cos now we all have kids and have ‘settled down’ and it’d have been nice to have the cousins close, but we will still see them and it’ll be great.

OP posts:
2toddlers · 26/05/2019 13:30

I think you are exaggerating on how long it takes you to get there, 2h to do 20 miles?

Who knows maybe they don't feel the same about living so close and being in each other's pockets? Her husband especially might not like having his in laws there constantly or maybe they have just found their dream home, 20 miles really isn't far.

We live very close to both our families, I found my husband's family too much expecting us to live our lives with them. I'd have happily moved away when they were getting too much.

Waveysnail · 26/05/2019 13:33

I'd be totally gutted too. It's not massive distance but it's not like they can just pop around each others house. And they will see less of each other. I get it op. I'd be sad (and a bit cross)

Whatareyoutalkingabout · 26/05/2019 13:33

Wow. You're being VERY unreasonable to be pissed off. It's really weird that you think her life should revolve around seeing family easily. She obviously has other things that are important to her too and you're being quite selfish. My siblings live abroad, as do I (in totally different countries). We are happy for each other, not trying to control each other/dictate where the others can or can't live Confused

SadOtter · 26/05/2019 13:55

Lots of my siblings have moved away, so they are 300, 220, 150 and 50 miles away from me, the other two are only 15 miles away. I meet up most often with the sister 150 miles away. We manage to all get together 2 or 3 times a year, We have a little meet up every 6 weeks or so but not all of us make it every time (coz there's 7 of us and finding a day we are all free is hard)

Point is 20 miles is far enough you won't be popping in for coffee but you could still meet up loads if you both want to, you just go for drinks near hers and stay over or near yours and she stays with you. Big city there will be plenty of places you can take the kids between your houses. She will presumably come back to visit your mum and your brother as well.

User8888888 · 26/05/2019 14:00

I live 2 hours away from all of my family but I used to be about 20 minutes from my sister. I can see why you are a bit disappointed by the changes that will happen because it is harder when you’re not in popping-in distance. However, it is completely her right to do it and there must be something about the house or area that will work better for her.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 26/05/2019 14:00

I am stunned you can feel aggrieved at 20 miles, you seem to live on a different planet!

brokenpromisesorlies · 26/05/2019 14:01

She sounds like she and her family need space from you all! Based on your post OP, it seems reasonable Wink

NannyMcfanny · 26/05/2019 14:03

How will living 20 miles away take 2 hours to drive to your's? Confused

BenWillbondsPants · 26/05/2019 14:04

It will not take 2 hours. BIL and SIL live 52 miles away and it takes us 2 hrs 10 mins to get to theirs and, yes, that includes the M25.

You can still see each other loads - 20 miles means meeting somewhere in between, so 10 miles for each of you.

YABVU and v selfish. This is nothing to do with you.

NannyMcfanny · 26/05/2019 14:04

I didn't rtft Blush
But still, you are being a massive drama queen

Bluntness100 · 26/05/2019 14:05

Twenty miles on the m25 is only going to take two hours in rush hour and there is an accident. Past that you can do it in ten minutes or so when it's flowing freely. Even rush hour you can likely do it in thirty.

And there are back roads, you've no need to use the motorway.

I am unsure if you're fibbing or your sister is to put you off visiting, but twenty miles does not take two hours unless there is a major, major issue with the roads.