To have de-friended this couple

[MummyEmoo]

Have NC'd for this.
DH and I been married over 10 years. His close long-standing friend who we'll call Andy was best man. My DH was best man at Andy's wedding to Laura.
We don't see Andy and Laura very regularly though do see them from time to time but when their son had a chronic condition (now largely resolved) we would send gifts, we helped with fundraising, donated money and gave up time to help at fundraising events. Not sure what happened to the money they raised but that's a whole other subject!
My DH who was newly self employed gave up a day of work to help them move house. They appealed for help on Facebook and only my DH and one other helped. He worked like a Trojan all day driving back and forth. Twice recently Andy has called me at length for legal advice, not even for them but for people they know who've got themselves in a fix.
Last summer I organised and paid for a weekend away for a big birthday. Invited Andy, Laura and their 2 DC. Had about 14 families in total I think. After much uncertainty they eventually came, empty handed - not so much as a card - fine but I only mention this as it has recently dawned on us they are takers in life. They ate, seemed to have fun, brought along another child I'd never met or invited and left the next day without a thank you.
Fast forward to now. We've had a rotten year in which I lost both parents - one just before my party weekend and the other earlier this year but we're coping.
Yesterday I looked on Facebook to find that Laura had a big birthday party night the Saturday before last. A big affair with a lot of guests - apparent from the photos. We weren't invited, knew nothing about it.
DH is as surprised as me that we didn't make the guest list. Obviously 80 or so others were more important.
They can invite who they like, I get that. But in a hissy fit of pique, and general annoyance at how one sided the friendship has been, I unfriended both on Facebook. This is, of course, something I can't undo. I expect they will notice eventually as I post quite regularly. I don't regret unfriending them. DH is fine with it.
But my AIBU is am I silly to feel hurt over the lack of invite, and will we look daft when DH tells Andy why I unfriended them (if Andy asks)? You didn't invite us to your party sounds a bit snivelly.

It is very hurtful but you have done the right thing. If they considered you good friends, you would have been invited to such a huge party.

Be prepared to hear every excuse under the sun once they need something though.

Does Laura consider you both to be her husband's friends? If the party was for her, then maybe she just invited all of her own friends and not his?

I wondered about that. But it sounds like they''re both just takers anyway and not really friends, either on or off FB.

I don't see a problem with the DH in this situation retaining some contact with Andy who was after all his best man. That friendship will probably just cool naturally. And if they ask, just say you were having an FB cull and only the first 80 people made it through

What's almost worse than not being invited, is the fact that she put it on Facebook- knowing full well that you would see it! The ultimate mean act.

Definitely right to delete!

They sound awful.

Well done for getting rid of them

Yanbu at all, they are users BUT be careful what your dh says if Andy asks, tell him not to mention the party, just because people like these will hear "we didn't get invited to your birthday party" and nothing else and think you are the petty one, a simple "Honestly, it's been coming for a while, the friendship is one sided" if pushed "Andy mate, you guys are users, that's not something I though I'd ever say but there you have it"

Thy unfriendliness

Given OP says she has blocked the couple (not that her DH has), and that she assumes her DH will be speaking frequently to Andy, I stand by my post.

She has I friended them, not blocked.

Nowhere does she say she assumes her DH will bespeaking to himfrequently. As they are long term friends it is a reasonable guess that he will ask her DH at some point. I think your interpretation is way off.

It sounds like you are well rid. Don't look back.

Some people really are rubbish.

They sound unbelievably awful.

Sorry for your loss .

YANBU at all, they are complete CF’s. You have done the right thing.

Maybe they presumed you knew about it.

However, you would have expected one of them to say something about seeing you had the party, or asking for help, or generally mentioning it in the excitement of it all.

It's good that you're rid of them. If you say anything I expect they will kick back though, users don't like to be called out on their behaviour. I'd probably take the innocent route as it'd be easier for DH at work too.

Why did you drop us on Facebook?
"Are you not on there? I had no idea."
Can you come to help with X?
"So sorry we're really busy right now. I have to go, bye."
Seems like you aren't talking to us?
"Oh, what a strange thing to say. We're just going out, I have to go, bye."
Why didn't you invite us to DH's party?
"Oh, were you not invited? I have to rush, need to collect the kids, bye."

Thank you so much everyone. Yes, I was thinking about this and I think the only explanation is that Laura sees us as Andy's friends. It's true that DH and Andy knew each other first, but as a couple we've known them over 13 years. I do think if the party had been Andy's we'd have been invited.
For my birthday weekend I saw them as our friends, not just DH's, hence I invited them. As someone said, it's surprising she doesn't see us as 'her' friends after everything, and after I included them in mine.
DH will only have work type interactions if any from now, but it won't be much or often. I wouldn't say I've fallen out with them but I have walked away.
Sorry for all those having had similar experiences.
I do feel so reassured I've not overreacted.

And this is why I am not on Facebook and would not post photos of my parties and gatherings if I were, there is no upside at all inadvertently hurting others.
No matter how careful sometimes these things happen purely by accident, and I would hate for my friends to feel like op due to my scatty guest list.

The only thing you can take away from this is that you valued your friendship with them, far more than they did. Laura almost considers you to be Andys work friends and nothing more.

Skittlesandbeer, you're ignoring the post where OP says "Occasionally he'll probably have professional dealings with Andy as their work overlaps but it'll be civil."

It sounds like you have really supported them quietly from the sidelines. It could be that some of these things haven’t registered with Laura is she has been dealing with the hell that is a sick child. I am certainly not making excuses for her, but do you meet up with her for coffee/lunch etc occasionally. Do you text her and talk to her directly? If the answer is yes then a lack of an invite is very questionable, but if your communication and support is channelled purely through the men, then it is possible she feels the friendships is between them, with you both meeting up altogether.

I would probably take a step back either way.

Whilst I think YABU to be so bothered about a Facebook friendship/deletion, I definitely think you've made the right choice to step out if their lives. Of course, friendships aren't transactional and you (hopefully) didn't expect anything in return for the help you have them with their poorly DC. But after you going out if your way so much for them, an invite would have been nice. I think this has opened your eyes to what you already knew, and pushed you to walk away from a completely one sided friendship.

Hi OP
I defriended some people over something very silly but really I had wanted to do it for a long time and cut them loose. I didn’t realise how much it was affecting me
I felt really ignored and the final straw was me discussing a light hearted topic on a group chat that was completely ignored with no response only for the main person doing the ignoring to bring the exact same thing up a week later and get a load of responses. I took my cue and left!
The back story was more than that over a long time and mutual friends were asked the reasons why I had left but none of them have bothered to make any contact to resolve anything so don’t think I lost much anyway
YANBU either!

They sound completely awful
It’s unanimous OP, you’ve absolutely done the right thing just cutting them out. If they do contact you however, I wouldn’t give them an explanation.. they really don’t deserve that and it will probably end up quite stressful for you as you sound like such a nice person. Instead I would just be aloof, unavailable and innocent like MRex suggests above xx

She won't notice you have defriended until she wants something, and will be surprised as you've always been so accomodating.
Next call/text asking for stuff or help, just ignore. I'm curiuos to see how long it takes.

If you’re worried about saying it was because of a party, you might instead say you feel you’ve all drifted a bit and that while you’ve always been happy to help/support, it feels you’ve all gone your own ways but you bear no ill will. I don’t know, maybe I’ll read that back in a bit and go, ‘Oh God, no’, still on my first coffee. But you sound hurt and sad, you’ve been through a lot and this is not about the party, that was the final straw.

They are not your friends

No you have definitely not overreacted, well done you for unfriending them on FB and it's good you and your DH are in agreement with all of this.

Laura considers you are Andy's friends and he is a dick. You've been very kind to them but they are selfish users.

It's very freeing to ditch people like this Emoo, you're not going to miss them in your life and your DH sounds right behind you on this, he can have a sketchy work friendship if he wants, for old times sake, but they've lost the friendship of a nice caring couple (you and your DH!)

if one of them rang to get some legal advice from you for instance, I would honestly just say "No, I'm not able to help you" and leave it at that.

They're not really friends. You need to read 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' and just move on with your life. If they contact you asking for advice, ignore them or give an answer like Rousette suggests.

You’ve done the right thing. I wonder how long it will take them to notice