To have de-friended this couple

[MummyEmoo]

Have NC'd for this.
DH and I been married over 10 years. His close long-standing friend who we'll call Andy was best man. My DH was best man at Andy's wedding to Laura.
We don't see Andy and Laura very regularly though do see them from time to time but when their son had a chronic condition (now largely resolved) we would send gifts, we helped with fundraising, donated money and gave up time to help at fundraising events. Not sure what happened to the money they raised but that's a whole other subject!
My DH who was newly self employed gave up a day of work to help them move house. They appealed for help on Facebook and only my DH and one other helped. He worked like a Trojan all day driving back and forth. Twice recently Andy has called me at length for legal advice, not even for them but for people they know who've got themselves in a fix.
Last summer I organised and paid for a weekend away for a big birthday. Invited Andy, Laura and their 2 DC. Had about 14 families in total I think. After much uncertainty they eventually came, empty handed - not so much as a card - fine but I only mention this as it has recently dawned on us they are takers in life. They ate, seemed to have fun, brought along another child I'd never met or invited and left the next day without a thank you.
Fast forward to now. We've had a rotten year in which I lost both parents - one just before my party weekend and the other earlier this year but we're coping.
Yesterday I looked on Facebook to find that Laura had a big birthday party night the Saturday before last. A big affair with a lot of guests - apparent from the photos. We weren't invited, knew nothing about it.
DH is as surprised as me that we didn't make the guest list. Obviously 80 or so others were more important.
They can invite who they like, I get that. But in a hissy fit of pique, and general annoyance at how one sided the friendship has been, I unfriended both on Facebook. This is, of course, something I can't undo. I expect they will notice eventually as I post quite regularly. I don't regret unfriending them. DH is fine with it.
But my AIBU is am I silly to feel hurt over the lack of invite, and will we look daft when DH tells Andy why I unfriended them (if Andy asks)? You didn't invite us to your party sounds a bit snivelly.

Sorry my bold went wrong.

Some people are complete shameless scroungers. You are very well rid of them.

I think if you are ever asked why you either have to give a huge answer and then list all of their crimes or as another PP has said, you had grown tired of the lop sided nature of the 'friendship'. It's a really shitty way to be treated and you are right to be cautious about coming across as snivelling when in fact there is masses of backstory that would take careful telling.

We are in a current similar situation with a family member. We have been asked by two separate lots of family what the issue is. We have told both they either listen to the whole story or none of it. So far we have not been given an audience which speaks volumes, sadly.

We all have those wake up moments

Well done for realizing - the lack of help suggests they’ve done it before

YANBU.

And I would wonder about what happened to the money raised for the child's condition! (assuming that it was al genuine in the first place, of course...)

You owe them no explanation for terminating the friendship.

I don't think that unfriending them on fb is necessarily a passive aggressive action, I think this is a positive step away from a pair of life leeches. The 'friendship' had run it's course, it was unbalanced, and they were taking advantage of the good nature of the OP and her DH. Sometimes a life laundry is a necessary thing so we can put our time and energy into more fulfilling things.

I'm sorry for the losses you've suffered MummyEmoo, but believe that you have done absolutely the right thing to distance yourself from such CFers. I hope that the space left gives you room for more balanced and positive friendships.

I had a similar situation a few years ago. After the unfriending, they noticed and asked why so I told them the truth. I was hurt to not be invited considering how close I thought we were. It got nasty back from them very quickly so be aware that if you do say the truth you might end up in the middle of a shit storm. In my experience, people rarely want to hear the truth.

@notsorry @absolutepowercorrupts

Actually I read the original post carefully.

OP says will we look daft when DH tells Andy why I unfriended them (if Andy asks)?.

Given OP says she has blocked the couple (not that her DH has), and that she assumes her DH will be speaking frequently to Andy, I stand by my post.

Of course her DH isn’t going to invite them to his own party, hosted by OP as well, if she’s fallen out with them? He could easily continue his own catchups (electronic and in person) with Andy and/or Laura on the info given.

We only know DH & Andy work together from subsequent posts.

I think the DH is having a bet each way- and will continue to chat with Andy (if not both). That leaves OP looking like the ogre, which is unfair in my book. Looking forward, OP will seem the unreasonable one in the foursome. I think OP is right to worry about this outcome, and if her DH shuts down communication to professional only it will solve her problem.

I have put a few people on a ''restricted list'' which is an option available on FB with people on your friends' list. Ensuring of course that your privacy settings are already on high and not public, and they cannot see what you are posting although appear to be still friends with you...

The relief from knowing these people were unable to look at my updates and pass the information along was enormous.

What I would do in the short term in your case is block both of them, so unless they have a fake profile, they will not see yours.

That way as an easy excuse you could say you are having a FB holiday. It is quite a popular thing these days to do.

It will be very interesting to see if they notice you have blocked them.

It will be very interesting to see if they notice you have blocked them.

Loving ‘Thy Unfriendliness’

OP, they are scroungers and you are well rid of them. You and your DH sound like really nice people. You don’t need this couple in your life.

YANBU. They are takers and you don't need them in your life. I had a close friend who was very much a taker, I didn't mind too much for a long time even though it pissed DH off but she eventually refused to be there for me the only time I asked. I never spoke to her again.

They sound like a pair of dicks. No other word for it.

Don't question your decision. You're better off without them.

You've definitely done the right thing, what an unpleasant pair. I bet they won't even notice. He'll phone you or your husband as though nothing's wrong, wanting some help or advice no doubt, so it might be helpful to think about what you want to say and how to word it before then so you're not caught out on the spot. How can people treat their friends like this and think it's ok?
In my experience, eventually people like this exhaust the kindness and patience of others and everyone gets fed up with them in the end. Did you notice them always making new friends as they had pissed off all their old ones?
Sorry you've been treated so badly, you and your husband sound like lovely friends to them.

Op, you have done the right thing.

I have obviously read the post in a completely different way to Skittles as I didn’t get the impression that op’s husband would continue the friendship.

I would unfriend but not block. If you block they may just think that you are no longer on FB, but if you unfriend, they can find you but see that you are no longer friends. I had a friend like this. The final straw for me was when we were living in Paris, and she called and told me they were coming for the weekend. I said it wasn’t convenient as we already had house guests. She got really arsey and asked me what she was supposed to do, as she couldn’t change the flights or get a refund, and didn’t want to pay for a hotel. We are low contact now, rather than no contact, and she emailed me the other week asking if they could use our flat in London for a long weekend as they fancied a break. That will be no.

Sorry but they are not friends you have done nothing wrong and tbh can't see them being a loss in your life when you dump them. Awkward but one of you need to tell them, they will not take the hint and think they are the injured party. No major falling out but just say sad that your friend ship has run it's course but it seems to be very 1 sided . Give example if they ask
Spare you the details but 10 years ago VERY ill months in hospital touch and go at one point if I was going to pull through . You really do find out who your friends are. Had a big clear out of so called friends don't miss them at all just ,sad when you realise it's always you making the effort .

They sound like users, I know you feel upset but I think you know really, that you are better off without them.

Just a thought. Does Laura consider you both to be her husband's friends? If the party was for her, then maybe she just invited all of her own friends and not his?

I am not excusing their behaviour, at all, but just wondering if the party had been for Andy then maybe you and dh would have been invited?

Why are you calling these people friends?

Roses, if Laura didn’t consider OP and her DH friends after all they have done for her, then she’s a plonker.

OP, there’s really no need for anyone to explain the unfriending. If put on the spot, your DH could give almost any flimsy one-line excuse. I’d really not sweat it.

You did the right thing OP. I’ve defriended people in the past for similar as it’s so hurtful, putting in all the effort and being ignored. I have hardly any friends now but the ones I do seem to be OK.