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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off over eggs?

256 replies

cricketmum84 · 19/05/2019 17:34

Ok I know this is totally a first world problem but I'm feeling rather pissed off today so this could be the last straw lol!

My DH went to the supermarket this morning and I had put "free range eggs" on the list. I'm a vegetarian, almost vegan but not quite given up cheese yet. I'm quite hot on animal welfare.

He came back from the shops with eggs from caged hens. Doesn't see anything wrong with this at all and says because I don't eat eggs I don't get a say. I say that I don't want eggs from caged hens in my house and I don't want my family contributing to the survival of that industry.

Am I just being a moody cow today or do I have a point??

OP posts:
Original poster
cricketmum84 · 20/05/2019 13:35

She would also prefer him not to eat meat and to buy higher welfare meat but that "falls on deaf ears". It seems weird, and is no doubt confusing to her DH, that is the issue she's chosen to have a bust up over.

How is it confusing for my poor DH when I wrote FREE RANGE EGGS on the shopping list??

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 20/05/2019 13:36

How is it confusing for my poor DH when I wrote FREE RANGE EGGS on the shopping list??

Yeah, this! What a lot of nonsense people are talking.

Sirzy · 20/05/2019 13:37

But just because you say that doesn’t mean he is compelled. He is an adult and as such can make his own decisions on Such things. Especially if you don’t eat them anyway

cricketmum84 · 20/05/2019 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Parky04 · 20/05/2019 13:41

Providing he cooks them he can buy and eat any eggs he wants. You have no say in what he eats. If my DW told me I couldn't eat something our marriage would be over!

M3lon · 20/05/2019 13:52

We have been trying to cut down on meat ...and our latest egg related issue is that DD doesn't want us to by large eggs as these are damaging the chickens...and according to her the yolks are the same size in medium eggs anyway.

I am on a constant drift to reintroduce food I actually like eating, while DH and DD try to steer towards meat free and horrible.

BUT we make decisions as a family and I try to stick to the decisions...as does DH. Just blowing it all off because I fancy a bit of veal would be a non-starter.

I do think that a lot of animal welfare is fiddling at the edges and that going vegan is really the only solution...but I'm feeling my way there over time rather than just making myself miserable all in one go.

cyantist · 20/05/2019 13:55

If OPs husband had picked up the wrong thing by accident then I'd say she was being entirely unreasonable, and of course if he is eating the eggs he can buy what he wants. But if my husband knew there was an issue which was important to me, and I asked him to (for example) buy one brand over another, and he purposefully went against what I said just because other brand was 15p cheaper I'd be very upset. Not because we'd have to use that brand, but because my husband doesn't care enough to do one little thing that relates to an issue that is important to me. And if he them told me if I wanted any say in the matter I could go and do the shopping myself, like people here are saying is a fair response, I would be telling him to go fuck himself and I'd be buying all my own shopping (and nothing for him) from then on. But DH wouldn't do that because if he knows something is important to me, he wouldn't just be an arse and purposefully go against that.

And ffs, OP isn't saying her husband can't eat eggs, just please can he buy free range. I can't see what difference it makes to him.

GreytExpectations · 20/05/2019 13:59

@cricketmum84 you are being hypocritical, you are being controlling and most importantly, YABU!

You can have your own values and morals about what you eat and buy but you cannot push those onto your DH or children.
Have you forgotten that they are also his kids and the house is also his? You may have created the shopping list but who are you to demand your DH stick to it? Why are your opinions valued more than his? I do feel sorry for your husband.

Its ridiculous that you happily buy and cook meant in the house for your family, eat cheese but you get pissed off over some eggs that you wont even eat. Complete hypocrite and yes, it is relevant to the OP.

Also, you can't just post on AIBU and then defend yourself with that last straw bullshit.

GreytExpectations · 20/05/2019 14:03

I can't see what difference it makes to him.

And what difference does it make to her? She doesn't even eat them! Why does she get to decide whats allowed in the house or fed to the kids? He is also a parent and unless there is drip feed coming where OP says he is a lodger who pays her rent, than the house is also his.
OP has also mentioned she earns twice as much money as her DH so i suspect she feels she gets final say over a lot of decisions because of her income which is very controlling and I could only imagine the outrage on here if this was reversed and OP's husband was the one making demands...

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 20/05/2019 14:04

Thanks for the link @Bubblysqueak! I have chocolate and Camembert on the way!

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 20/05/2019 14:05

But if my husband knew there was an issue which was important to me, and I asked him to (for example) buy one brand over another, and he purposefully went against what I said just because other brand was 15p cheaper I'd be very upset. Not because we'd have to use that brand, but because my husband doesn't care enough to do one little thing that relates to an issue that is important to me.

This exactly.

PCohle · 20/05/2019 14:13

Not because we'd have to use that brand

But there's no "we" about who's using the brand. The OP doesn't eat eggs. She's trying to dictate the brand her DH uses.

dottiedodah · 20/05/2019 14:14

If hes like my husband he would just see 12 eggs ,thats what we want,Into the basket with you off home!.Even though we both only eat free range!,Men are not terribly good on detail Im afraid .put it down to experience this time ,hopefully hes learnt his lesson, send him out for loo rolls next time though!

cyantist · 20/05/2019 14:23

making demands ... she requested he bought free range because the welfare is better!

If she is paying half of the grocery shopping I think she should get some input in things bought regardless of whether she is using them or not. It makes a difference to her because her money is being used for something she disagrees with.

And dottiedodah OP said he purposefully bought those ones as they were cheaper. It wasn't just a grab anything and pick up the wrong thing scenario.

PCohle · 20/05/2019 14:25

It makes a difference to her because her money is being used for something she disagrees with.

But her husband is using her money to buy meat as well.

Sirzy · 20/05/2019 14:25

I do wonder if part of this is him being annoyed at having what can and can’t be eaten dictated by someone else.

cyantist · 20/05/2019 14:32

But her husband is using her money to buy meat as well.

Yes, and she somehow manages not to dictate that he cant. Because she isn't controlling. There is an easy, better-welfare, alternative to eggs from caged hens, there's not an easy alternative to meat.

GreytExpectations · 20/05/2019 14:38

Men are not terribly good on detail Im afraid .put it down to experience this time ,hopefully hes learnt his lesson, send him out for loo rolls next time though!

What a sexist thing to say.

It makes a difference to her because her money is being used for something she disagrees with.

As OP has said the money is joint so it's also his money so why does his say not count?

cyantist · 20/05/2019 14:44

What a sexist thing to say.
I agree with that!

As OP has said the money is joint so it's also his money so why does his say not count?
Because his only reason is it's a tiny bit cheaper and they can easily afford the extra. OP has said it breaks her heart thinking of the chickens and their welfare, but saving 15p is more important to her husband. I think THAT is mean.

GreytExpectations · 20/05/2019 14:55

Because his only reason is it's a tiny bit cheaper and they can easily afford the extra. OP has said it breaks her heart thinking of the chickens and their welfare, but saving 15p is more important to her husband. I think THAT is mean.

Her DH has also said he doesn't think it matters. That's his opinion, it doesn't matter if she doesn't agree with it, she has no right to dismiss it. Specially when she isn't even eating the eggs and the whole "free range" makes hardly any difference, she cooks and buys meat and eats cheese. Its a pointless argument and just shows how controlling the OP is. Its also mean to suggest that its "her house" and its also mean to be the one who decided what the kids should or shouldn't eat.

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 20/05/2019 15:01

And here we go with the cheese again. Wish I'd never mentioned the sodding cheese.

OP posts:
GreytExpectations · 20/05/2019 15:07

@cricketmum84 if you actually read the replies properly (mine included) it is not just about the cheese.

I am pointing out how controlling you are being and how hypocritical you are. (happy to cook meat but goes off on one over eggs?!).

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 20/05/2019 15:12

If I was so controlling I wouldn't be cooking meat for them would I? Why is it controlling to ask DH to buy something with a higher welfare standard, that's right next to the lower welfare option on the shelf but costs a pound extra when we can afford the extra pound? I'm not asking him to not eat eggs (or meat). I'm asking him to move his hand to the right a little and pick up a different box of eggs.
He knows that's it's something I feel strongly about and it's something that we have argued about the last 3 times he has done it!

He has agreed now that I will buy the eggs from the farm instead of the supermarket.

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 20/05/2019 15:16

Do you know anything about the dairy industry? Especially male calves?

I don't know about male calves. Is it similar to male chicks - thrown into a grinder? "Especially", though? Honestly, if I had to be born into the dairy industry I think I would opt for instant death over any of the alternatives...

Megan2018 · 20/05/2019 15:21

Caged eggs are heinous - I'd be livid if my DH bought them. YANBU!

I am not vegetarian or vegan - we keep our own hens but occasionally need to buy to supplement what they produce. I am very fussy about what we will buy, and can usually acquire some from fellow hen keepers in the village rather than supermarket.

Not all free range eggs are the same - supermarket organic free range are to a much higher welfare standard if they have soil association stamp. Alongside the rules for what they are fed/mediated with they are also lower intensity.

I do think anyone that buys non free range eggs is a pretty dreadful person though, with questionable moral standards!

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