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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just lost it at DH

120 replies

Bumbalaya · 18/05/2019 23:47

DH doesn't do much housework or anything that helps our household run smoothly on a regular basis.

He says his reason for not cleaning the kitchen or the bathroom is that "he doesn't want to/ care" (HIS WORDS)

I do the majority of the housework, childcare and organisation and 100% of the cooking and cleaning PLUS WORKING 5 days a week as he does. He does wash up but won't wipe side boards or sweep kitchen floor.

Anyway in the past month he has made 3 passive aggressive comments about the "random piles of my shit" causing him to not be able to find things.

When I looked the so called "random piles of 'my' shit" were a) a pile of towels and bedding that I had washed and folded b) a pile of his daughter's clean clothes c) a pile of our daughter's clothes that again I have laundered but not put away. Oh yeah his clean clothes too that I washed.

I lost it at him tonight because I find it very galling to hear him complain about my mess even though he doesn't help with it. He says that he can't because he doesn't know what is clean and what is dirty.

I told him that his attitude of "I don't care about the mess is why I don't do housework" is bollocks because he is busy making pass ag comments to me about "my" mess.

I swore at him, told him that he is like a lazy teenager and that his attitude towards household work is threatening our marriage.

He has gone to bed saying "I won't say when I feel annoyed in future then".

GAAAAHH

AIBU to go mad a him?

TIA.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 18/05/2019 23:52

YABU to do everything and be a martyr
YANBU to lose your shit

Stop doing his laundry, stop buying him food and cooking him meals, stop being his bloody slave

AnotherEmma · 18/05/2019 23:53

PS Get a cleaner and/or a divorce

user1486131602 · 18/05/2019 23:59

Pick up all his crap around the place, put dirty an clean clothes etc into one black bag, leave it at his side of the bed.
Come Monday when he wants clean shirt/clothes from you, just say I didn’t want to do them!
Mine used to leave his clothes where he dropped them, I had repeatedly asked for them to go inthe washing basket, he didn’t put them 8n there so I didn’t wash them....Monday comes, where my shirt for work?
Did you put them in the basket? No. Must be on the floor where you left it! .....made him iron and wear his dirty stuff to work.Never had to ask again!
Good luck x

mokapot · 19/05/2019 00:01

Its the reason I got divorced

Simonfromharlow · 19/05/2019 00:02

My ex h was like this. I'm glad he's an ex now.

Brandyb · 19/05/2019 00:04

Nopity nope squat

Sparklfairy · 19/05/2019 00:04

Of course he 'doesn't want to'. Nobody wants to! Bellend.

And I definitely wouldn't want to if I knew someone else would do it for me instead!

GreenTulips · 19/05/2019 00:19

Lots of ‘I don’t want too’s can apply to you

Cooking
Cleaning
Dog waking sex

What’s good for the goose

LillithsFamiliar · 19/05/2019 00:19

He sounds like a teenager, willing to spend time complaining/arguing rather than doing something.
YANBU to be annoyed but YABU if this isn't a catalyst for change. You need to stop doing everything. It's only by stopping (and sticking to it) that this will change.

curiousierandcouriser · 19/05/2019 00:20

*Pick up all his crap around the place, put dirty an clean clothes etc into one black bag, leave it at his side of the bed.
Come Monday when he wants clean shirt/clothes from you, just say I didn’t want to do them!
Mine used to leave his clothes where he dropped them, I had repeatedly asked for them to go inthe washing basket, he didn’t put them 8n there so I didn’t wash them....Monday comes, where my shirt for work?
Did you put them in the basket? No. Must be on the floor where you left it! .....made him iron and wear his dirty stuff to work.Never had to ask again! *

This ^^ I love it! :)

Happynow001 · 19/05/2019 00:21

Oh yeah his clean clothes too that I washed.
OK so I'd start saying "I don't want to/care" regarding his laundry also. Leave them where he drops them/in the linen basket for him to "want to/care". He's acting like a stroppy teen instead of a, supposedly, mature, support adult. Has he always treated you like an unpaid servant?

Esspee · 19/05/2019 00:24

GreenTulips.
Hoping you'll enlighten us about the "dog waking sex".😄

AnotherEmma · 19/05/2019 00:24
Grin
thegreatcrestednewt · 19/05/2019 00:29

Wtaf? Don’t do another thing for him. No washing, cooking, cleaning. You didn’t want to. Ffs.

3dogs2cats · 19/05/2019 00:38

Just LTB

TheRedBarrows · 19/05/2019 00:40

If he had complained to me that a pile of his clothes, cleaned by me, was ‘my crap’ I would tidied it straight into the dustbin.

Who does he think he is?

Butterymuffin · 19/05/2019 00:40

Yes, no more washing done for him!

TheValeyard · 19/05/2019 00:40

Dog waking sex

What couple doesn't fight about this?

Sobeyondthehills · 19/05/2019 00:41

Pick up all his crap around the place, put dirty an clean clothes etc into one black bag, leave it at his side of the bed.
Come Monday when he wants clean shirt/clothes from you, just say I didn’t want to do them!
Mine used to leave his clothes where he dropped them, I had repeatedly asked for them to go inthe washing basket, he didn’t put them 8n there so I didn’t wash them....Monday comes, where my shirt for work?
Did you put them in the basket? No. Must be on the floor where you left it! .....made him iron and wear his dirty stuff to work.Never had to ask again!
DP is great in every respect apart from this, as in will cook, wash up etc and I did this as well, I refuse to pick up at DS (7) or put his clothes away, I am not sure why DP thought this would not apply to him as well.

Mummoomoocow · 19/05/2019 00:42

He’s mother must have been so overbearing Jesus Christ.

Whisky2014 · 19/05/2019 00:45

Hang and id not do anything for him

Topseyt · 19/05/2019 00:49

I think you might have married a teenager.

Marchinupandownagain · 19/05/2019 00:50

He’s mother must have been so overbearing Jesus Christ

Yes, do let's blame a woman for a man's faults on no evidence...

SIGH

madcatladyforever · 19/05/2019 00:52

I would refuse to have sex with a man like that.

cheeseislife8 · 19/05/2019 00:53

YADNBU. DH always used to moan he could never find any of his clothes because I 'hid' them (hid = washed and put away). So one day I just stopped... if they're still crumpled on the floor next to the laundry basket come Monday, not my problem!