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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was done on purpose so they could stay out

132 replies

Littleteacup1 · 18/05/2019 00:48

To be pissed off planned night out with friends last train home at 11.30. They no I have an illness and struggle coming out and get exhausted easily. Had been looking forward to this had planned my meds around tonight and a family event the next day. On the night I suggested we get the train before the last one so we have time to leave and time incase we miss the first. Friend tried to suggest we get taxi and stay later I advised couldn’t afford taxi had already paid for return ticket costing 5 rather than 40 for taxi we all agreed and to get train. 20 mins before train I suggest getting planned to leave say I will rush for a wee but need to hurry as train leaves soon takes ten mins walk. As soon as I get back friends insist they need a wee and they will rush they didn’t they claimed there was a huge que and needed to wash hand no que when I went and it’s a big toilet with 10 stalls. They kept insisting I couldn’t go as they left me with her bag. I waited and threw the bag at her and ran for the train missed it by one min. Couldn’t afford taxi on my own either so said I would wait for them to leave at 12.15 as they said they would get taxi then friend re appeared with a bottle of wine and claims that they will only have glass each when o later asked again what time they where leaving they changed it to 1.00. At 12.30 partner finally texts back he’s sent me some money for a taxi so I go to leave and they get all funny about me being off with them. They know I can’t stay up late they know I have meds to take at night at certain times that make me sleepy Aibu to think this was done on purpose

OP posts:
ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 18/05/2019 10:37

No I'm not suggesting she should have expected her friends to let her down, simply pointing out that for reasons best known to herself Op stuck around to the point she missed the last train despite earlier in the night expressing a desire to get the second last train. How did that happen?

No doubt she feels let down by the friends but in reality people don't always make the most sensible decisions under the influence of alcohol so if I absolutely need to get from A to B by whatever time and don't have a contingency plan (Op didn't have taxi fare) then I'm not going to sit about in a pub/club waiting for other people to get sorted. Yet Op did!

Only she knows what kind of friends they've been in the past, they could be awful generally or could usually be great, we don't know. The point is that Op, for very valid reasons, needed to leave so should have taken responsibility for herself and actually left.

Ratatatouille · 18/05/2019 10:44

They sound like shits. A lot of PP seem to have missed the bit about leaving you in charge of their bags, making it difficult for you to leave without them because you are a good friend. And of course it would be unfair if OP dictated what time everyone had to leave but that just wasn't the case. They had an agreement. And if the "friends" wanted to change that, they shouldn't have made it difficult for OP to continue with her original plan. Actually it was them who tried to dictate what time OP's night ended, not the other way round.

If you decide to go out with them again and they pull a similar stunt you need to say "I will be leaving at X time to catch my train. If you aren't back here then your bags will be left unattended".

They don't sound like great friends tbh.

Geminijes · 18/05/2019 11:04

They don't sound very nice friends.

You should have just left for the train, regardless of what they wanted to do. In situations, like this, think of yourself and forget them.

LillithsFamiliar · 18/05/2019 11:06

They were sending clear signs they wanted to stay out. When they first started faffing you should have said, 'It takes me longer to walk so I'll start off now and you can catch me up or if you decide to stay out that's fine. Have fun!'
I think they probably thought you were sending mixed signals because you kept saying you had to leave but then not leaving.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/05/2019 11:15

I think in situations like these you need a plan for if it happens again. There were things you could have done. For example started walking to the train or returned the bag or refused to look after it.

Armadillostoes · 18/05/2019 12:03

Imnothappy-I don't think that victim blaming is appropriate here, nor is suggesting that she was unreasonable for making the wrong snap decision about whether to dump the bags or miss her train. The question is "Am I unreasonable" NOT 'With hindsight did I adopt the optimal strategy?" Major difference there.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 18/05/2019 12:19

Seeing friend a today friend b is famous for doing selfish things like this and although I have distanced myself from her friend a is still friends with her friend a tried to take the blame last night and apologise but from what I saw it was friend b that wanted to stay and needed to wee

OP posts:
MardyMavis · 18/05/2019 12:25

When you're pissed and want the night to carry on people can be like that, you should have just gone sounds like everything was being done around you... probably don't go next time for all you're benefits.

ILoveMyCaravan · 18/05/2019 12:39

They sound horrible bullies and it does sound deliberate. If you still want to go out with them in the future you're better just saying that you're leaving and go! Don't make any advanced plans with them as to when they want to leave. If they choose to leave with you then fine.

Regarding the handbags, you'd have been better picking them all up and dumping them in the toilet with your 'friends' and leaving.

I also have chronic illnesses and it's hard to stand up for yourself all the time, especially with people who chose not to understand.

Dippypippy1980 · 18/05/2019 12:45

I am a bit of a Cinderella on nights out - but I accept my friends like to party till after one so I make my own arrangements and slip home early.

I think these friends were a bit thoughtless - but I also think you are an adult and could have caught the last train by leaving.

A few drinks were had, your friends wanted to enjoy the night and simply didn’t want to leave. I assume you know them well therefore are not overly shocked by their behaviour? My friends would totally do this - and I would make my own way home and leave them to enjoy the rest of th night.

NaomifromMilkshake · 18/05/2019 12:52

Out of our friendship group I am the diminished one.

Relatively healthy now, but still lacking in stamina.

We had a late night last night at a friends house, DH went home and came back for me at 1.00 am. Staying out this late was a rare occurrence for me, he was happy to accommodate it.

Said to friends at 1.00 am, lift available.

Mrs Sensible said great...

Mrs normally sensible but transmogrifies into Mrs Party Animal said ah you are grand thanks, I will get a taxi....

I shrugged and said ok then...

DH polls up, me and Mrs Sensible prepare to leave and Mrs normally sensible was still calling taxi firms as we left...

Point being Mrs normally sensible was not sensible due to alcohol.

Because we are a soft touch, we dropped Mrs Sensible home and scooped back for Mrs Normally Sensible.

She was super apologetic this morning...

There is saying in Ireland

deoch isteach chiall amach

Drink in

Sense out.

Not deliberate, just alcohol driven decisions...

outvoid · 18/05/2019 12:54

You should have left alone and caught the train. They wanted to stay longer and that’s fair enough tbh, they’re allowed to want to continue having fun for longer.

Drogosnextwife · 18/05/2019 12:55

I would have left the handbag and went for the train I needed to get.

rookiemere · 18/05/2019 13:02

I can see both sides of this. They were being inconsiderate, but clearly wanted to stay later rather than getting the train. Next time focus on your needs only so get up and leave when it's time to do so, but don't try to convince everyone that they need to leave at the same time as you.

cuppycakey · 18/05/2019 13:14

They do sound horrid but I don't know why you didn't just lob their bags at them in the loos and then leave?

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 18/05/2019 13:18

Well maybe one of your friends is knkwn for being selfish... But you probably are too. What did all their plans have to revolve around your need to get home early? What on earth were you thinking asking them to get an early train with you? You were being a killjoy.

bellinisurge · 18/05/2019 13:36

I agree that you need a back up plan. I have a condition that means I can't go out late. I'm older and it's never been my thing so it's not so bad for me. But sometimes I feel I should for whatever reason. I always have a backup plan or two to bail out if necessary. I regret that it usually means having a taxi fund at home to dip into so I have something on me for a taxi if I need it.
Some people are just unthinking. Some people are just shitty. I'm sorry you had this. Not everyone is like that.

bellinisurge · 18/05/2019 13:37

"being a killjoy"Confused. Said by someone who might not have an idea what it's like to be you and see other people having fun that you can't have.

PuppyMonkey · 18/05/2019 13:45

I don’t think anyone behaved maliciously on purpose, they were on a night out and being a bit silly. I’d have sorted myself out and ignored their protestations about you getting the train on your own.

UmpetyLumpety · 18/05/2019 14:49

I'm still curious why you didn't just catch the last train since it was the second to last one that you missed or why you didn't just nip to the toilets where your friends were and give them their bags back and go and catch the train?

BayandBlonde · 18/05/2019 16:57

You should have just left when you were ready and left them behind. But then they shouldn't have promised to get the train with you either when all they wanted to do was stay out.

I have mastered the art of sloping off when I'm done, with a quick text to one of them to say where I have gone.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 18/05/2019 19:08

@bellinisurge it was the making them agree to leave with her that made me say that, not that she couldn't join in and stay out late in the first place, which is of course unfortunate.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 18/05/2019 20:26

Ok update spoke to my friend to day she claimed she was the one that delayed them leavening thinks she trying to take the blame as she realised how pissed of I was and didn’t want me and b to fall out again. Rang b this morning to was al ok with us had a good day and thought I would leave it learn from my mistakes and next time just go home when I want. B then rang me and said she’s not coming next weekend to the festival as it’s too awkward between us I cried said no come there’s no awkwardness what happened last night I was over willing to put it behind us. I felt so guilty that she wasn’t coming to festival because of me turns out she’s been offered to go to a bbq I didn’t know this. She’s also left the group chat. I’m so confused what have I done wrong yes I was a little annoyed last night but that was the end of it I thought

OP posts:
Dippypippy1980 · 18/05/2019 20:35

To Be honest it all sounds like a huge amount of drama. Saying things like you are willing to put it behind you seems really over the top for a something this minor. It’s the sort of thing a wronged spouse says after an affair😊

I can understand why they might want to avoid going out with you for a while after this. It’s not the leaving early, it’s the drama around it. They were being silly on a drunken night out and it sounds like you huffed with them like a disapproving school teacher.

Apologise to both - say you were tired and a bit crabby, you should have gone home alone. Then dont mention it again.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 18/05/2019 20:43

I don’t think I’m making any drama she’s left the group chat and has decided not come out with us next weekend and when I said I was willing to put it all behind us I meant I was willing to forget last night and move on yes I should of just gone when I wanted and I did try left it’s minute to late and train pulled Away with out me. At no point did I huff all night I said my dues and then said I would leave with them at 12.30 but they said they would stay later so I left at 12.30

OP posts: