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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was done on purpose so they could stay out

132 replies

Littleteacup1 · 18/05/2019 00:48

To be pissed off planned night out with friends last train home at 11.30. They no I have an illness and struggle coming out and get exhausted easily. Had been looking forward to this had planned my meds around tonight and a family event the next day. On the night I suggested we get the train before the last one so we have time to leave and time incase we miss the first. Friend tried to suggest we get taxi and stay later I advised couldn’t afford taxi had already paid for return ticket costing 5 rather than 40 for taxi we all agreed and to get train. 20 mins before train I suggest getting planned to leave say I will rush for a wee but need to hurry as train leaves soon takes ten mins walk. As soon as I get back friends insist they need a wee and they will rush they didn’t they claimed there was a huge que and needed to wash hand no que when I went and it’s a big toilet with 10 stalls. They kept insisting I couldn’t go as they left me with her bag. I waited and threw the bag at her and ran for the train missed it by one min. Couldn’t afford taxi on my own either so said I would wait for them to leave at 12.15 as they said they would get taxi then friend re appeared with a bottle of wine and claims that they will only have glass each when o later asked again what time they where leaving they changed it to 1.00. At 12.30 partner finally texts back he’s sent me some money for a taxi so I go to leave and they get all funny about me being off with them. They know I can’t stay up late they know I have meds to take at night at certain times that make me sleepy Aibu to think this was done on purpose

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 18/05/2019 09:01

Perhaps not on purpose but it does sound like the thoughtlessness of slightly drunk people who don’t want to go home.
I’d be disappointed in them too.

BlueSkiesLies · 18/05/2019 09:02

They either did it on purpose or were just being drunk and annoying. Alcohol doesn’t lead people to act nice and sensible.

Why were you such a wet blanket though? “Ok, I can’t walk as fast as you so I’m going to set off. See you on the platform. Love you! Wee quickly :-)”

HBStowe · 18/05/2019 09:02

They behaved very badly, though probably not intentionally. Next time don’t make plans to leave with them - just go when you need to to get your train.

Qweenbee · 18/05/2019 09:05

I'd be furious. Not because they wanted to stay but because they left their bag, messed around and made you unable to leave.

Are they contrite this morning?

Lollypop701 · 18/05/2019 09:05

user1493413286 Is right I think. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be upset. If I had done that to my friend I would offer to pay your taxi tbh.

MyNewBearTotoro · 18/05/2019 09:11

Who told you not to leave the handbag? Why couldn’t you have left it with that person?

Sorry, but I think you should have just left the bag with someone emergency and gone on ahead to get the train. Or popped into the bathroom to return the bag when it became clear the time to leave was approaching and gone to get the train yourself. In that situation you made the decision to be a martyr and wait beyond the time you knew your needed to leave rather than taking the situation into your own hands and just going.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 18/05/2019 09:18

Rather than pissing about as they did they should have said they were going to stay out later and waved you off to your train. Though I don't really understand why when they first suggested staying later and getting a taxi you didn't just decide you'd get whatever train you wanted and leave them to have a later night. Suggesting that "we" get the train before last gives the impression you expected them to all leave at the same time as you which is a bit odd imo, you're not joined at the hip and generally in group nights out people arrive and leave at different times.

supersop60 · 18/05/2019 09:22

I don't think it was on purpose, but it was thoughtless behaviour. Next time you go out, just tell them, I shall be leaving at xxpm to get the xxpm train. Ignore them insisting on coming with you, and just go.
No need to break friends with them, just make it clear what you are going to do. It'll be fine.

AtrociousCircumstance · 18/05/2019 09:27

They were thoughtless, but you should have taken responsibility for yourself. You can’t control others. Next time just get clear in your head what you will do and not wait around for permission to do that.

NauseousMum · 18/05/2019 09:31

Next time leave when you need too and take the bag, after all they are coming with you so can catch you up....

FryTime · 18/05/2019 09:38

I think I must be misunderstanding something, if you were going for the one before the last one but they faffed about and you missed that one, why didn't you go for the last one? And if the only reason you couldn't head out when you wanted to was because you were holding their bag, why didn't you go to the bathroom and give it to them and then go and catch the train?

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 18/05/2019 09:38

Just reading back I see you missed the train by one minute but if that was the second last one why didn't you catch the last train? Or have I misunderstood?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 18/05/2019 09:43

If you bother to go out with them again, you need to leave under your own steam and not get held back by the group.

FiveStoryFire · 18/05/2019 09:43

Situation easily avoided by you just leaving and catching the train home alone.

Yerroblemom1923 · 18/05/2019 09:47

I think you should've just caught the train. They wanted to stay out. You didn't so you should've said "I'm off now, bye!" and leave them to sort their own travel arrangements.

CitadelsofScience · 18/05/2019 09:48

I have chronic illnesses and have to plan things like you do Op.However I don't expect others to leave early because of the disabilities I have. I would leave and get the train home myself, they can stay and continue enjoying their night.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 18/05/2019 09:50

In future you just leave in good time to catch the train you want to catch, and let them sort themselves out. My friends aren't so bad now (we are in our 40s) but in our 20s I used to just duck out and then send a text saying I had gone. Some people thrive on sprinting down Wardour St in 4 inch heels with 27 seconds to go until the last tube, but not me.

llangennith · 18/05/2019 10:00

You obviously believed your 'friends' when they said they'd leave with you but if they'd had a few drinks that wasn't likely to happen.
In future, decide what time you're going to head for home and just leave. When you're on the train text them that you're on your way home and you hope they enjoy the rest of the evening.

Armadillostoes · 18/05/2019 10:03

I know it is futile getting annoyed about this, but so many posters don't seem to have read the OP's post properly. Fair enough if you are in the "just leave their bags and if they get nicked hard luck" camp, but so many people have missed that she'd been dumped with the bags.

I also think that leaving the bags wouldn't have been an easy decision to make. However annoying your friends are, leaving their phones, credit cards and house-keys unattended on a platform is quite a big step.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 18/05/2019 10:12

They sound a bit childish to be honest. I’d maybe reasssess whether they’re real friends or just people to have a night out with.

GoldenPineapples · 18/05/2019 10:13

I'm more concerned that your friends are happy for you to just go off on your own later at night to get a train on your own.. a woman alone at night, especially at what would now be an empty train station if you missed the last train doesn't sound good.

They could have at least said they would walk you to the station, saw you off on the train then gone back and finished their night.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 18/05/2019 10:17

True Armadillos but it was clear much earlier in the night that the friends hadn't been looking to rush home. The Op really shouldn't have allowed it to get to a point where she was risking missing the last train, knowing she didn't have money for a taxi. She could have left in good time for the second last train, or the last train. She really needed to take control of meeting her own needs, not depend on the (fairly merry I imagine) friends and then blame them when the night didn't go according to her schedule.

Armadillostoes · 18/05/2019 10:28

But surely ImNotHappy that is basically what she did, she was on her way with time to spare, then her friends dumped her with their stuff.

I think that the lesson to be learned is that these are rubbish friends. Not for not wanting to go home, that is fair enough, but for claiming that they did and then trapping her. In suggesting that she should have expected her friends to let her down, I think that you are setting the bar too low for friendship. Decent adults shouldn't mislead their friends about their plans, or get themselves so drunk that they don't give a monkeys about other people. If you find that a group of people do things like that, your best option is to dump them and chalk it up to experience. But no need to victim blame by suggesting OP should have guessed that they were horrible people.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 18/05/2019 10:35

You were being a bit pushy getting them to agree to get the earlier train with you. You should have just said "I'll be getting the train at X o clock" and left when you needed to.

Ruru8thestars · 18/05/2019 10:36

You should have walked to the train with all their bags

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