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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think single parents are amazing

135 replies

Moorcroft · 17/05/2019 19:49

I’ve just been reading a thread about the fair division of household chores vs full time/part time work for couples. I became a single parent when DC were 9 and 10. After exH left, I had 100% responsibility for 2 DC 50/52 weeks a year (he did manage to take them on holiday, but never had them overnight or for more than a few hours at a time the rest of the year), house and garden maintenance, household admin, chauffeuring DC to activities and facilitating their social life (very rural so no public transport) and a FT job. It was exhausting, but I kept going because there wasn’t another option. Mine are grown up now, but I know there are 1000s of single parents doing the same without anyone to take up the slack.

OP posts:
Purpletigers · 17/05/2019 20:02

Mostly I do admire single parents . I don’t , however, have a lot of sympathy for someone who ends up a single parent because they’ve decided to have a child very quickly into a new relationship tbh . A lot of the woes of single mothers are very much self inflicted and could be avoided if they were more selective in choosing who they procreated with .

Purpletigers · 17/05/2019 20:04

One single parent I know didn’t want her ex to have her children every weekend as he had to pay more child maintenance. She didn’t want to work and the kids were a perfect excuse not to .

Pearpickinpenguin · 17/05/2019 20:05

Yes purpletigers - thats it, all the blame of the mother.... twatty bloody comment.

Yes I am a single parent to twin boys. Their dad just didnt fancy being a father so he fucked off and sees them maybe three times a year. I do everything - all the working, all the paying for stuff etc etc but then I get all the love, all the cuddles and all the respect because they already know their 'dad' is a waster and that is despite my never once saying a bad word to them about him. They dont see his family either. Once he went, they went. More love for my family members though :)

megletthesecond · 17/05/2019 20:09

I'm going to print the division of labour list off for my dc's (LP).

Pearpickinpenguin · 17/05/2019 20:10

Can anyone link me to it?

DoctorDread · 17/05/2019 20:12

Ahhh yes. Stupid women for not closing their legs

atomicnotsoblonde · 17/05/2019 20:14

A lot of the woes of single mothers are very much self inflicted and could be avoided if they were more selective in choosing who they procreated with

Breathtaking. My ex developed mental illness 15 years after I met him. Your ignorance and judgement is simply astounding.

sunshineandshowers21 · 17/05/2019 20:17

my sister is a single mother to two children through no fault of her own and she is the most incredible woman and mother ever and i am in awe of her every single day.

DownStreet · 17/05/2019 20:18

I have a very hands on partner and am knackered with 2 under 4. I don’t know how my mum did it alone.

Judgemental attitudes about single mothers don’t help.

Peterpumpkinpie · 17/05/2019 20:19

I am a single mother. I also have other distinguishing characteristics which single me out as having to be a 'fighter' in life.

Fuck it. I'm awesome. 💪

Onacleardayyoucansee · 17/05/2019 20:21

@Purpletigers so, if the Mum is struggling and children potentially have worse outcomes across their whole life course...
Thats ok with you 'cos the Mum.

Hmm
Dljlr · 17/05/2019 20:22

I'm a single mum to an 8 year old, the father (who I was with for 14 years before we procreated, fyi o judgy monstrosity above) has little interest in spending time with him or even meeting financial obligations. I work full time, doing a PhD too, and have very little family support aside from my fabulous (but v elderly) dad. I feel like a massive fucking failure a lot of the time but I agree op - single parents are pretty fucking amazing. It's not the life I'd have chosen and it can be really really hard, but I'm doing it.

DulcieRay · 17/05/2019 20:23

I got pregnant early on in a relationship but I didn't artificially inseminate myself. HTH

HotChocolateLover · 17/05/2019 20:23

I’m thankful I have a husband now but I was a LP for 9 years and it was hard. My son’s dad couldn’t be bothered to see him, let alone pay maintenance. I can remember crying tears of exhaustion after waking up yet again at 4.30am because he wanted to go to the park 😂😂 Now I can barely get him out of bed! LP’s really are to be admired.

Original poster
Moorcroft · 17/05/2019 20:23

I get all the love, all the cuddles and all the respect

This is one of the plus points, but I feel sad that DC know their DF is a selfish twat. I spoke to ExH this week about DS’s graduation and he was moaning that they don’t ever tell him anything- I had to bite my tongue

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 17/05/2019 20:25

Sure lots are amazing. Some are also shit. Same as any parent really!

Moominmammaatsea · 17/05/2019 20:27

I’m a single adoptive mother to two adopted children, so do I get bonus points for very definitely keeping my legs closed?!

RuffleCrow · 17/05/2019 20:27

Purpletigers have a yummy Biscuit

Those of us not blessed with a crystal ball have no way of knowing which man is going to abuse us or sleep around. Perhaps they come with handy signs round their necks where you live? Hmm

SimonJT · 17/05/2019 20:29

I think the fact that I can be selfish and do as I please with my son actually makes being a lone parent easier in many ways.

GreytExpectations · 18/05/2019 00:11

Regardless of single or joint, some parents can be amazing & some parents can be shit.

barryfromclareisfit · 18/05/2019 00:20

I was a single parent from when dd was four years old.

I was amazing.

MrsHormonal2019 · 18/05/2019 00:32

I was a single working parent for 6 years.
I found it easier then than I do now married with 3 step kids who stay over 2 times a week.
It was infinitely easing just taking care of myself and my son. Now I've got to think about my husband, his kids. Financially I'm worse off as obviously no longer entitled to benefits and because he has to pay such a ridiculous amount in child support even though he on good wage he actually brings home a shit amount of money but obviously have to pay for all children when with us depsite the money given to mother so that's a massive drain also.
No, no, no. Life as a single mum..... I love my husband but my life is far more complicated and challenging now than it ever was previously

Grumpymug · 18/05/2019 00:40

Mostly I do admire single parents . I don’t , however, have a lot of sympathy for someone who ends up a single parent because they’ve decided to have a child very quickly into a new relationship tbh . A lot of the woes of single mothers are very much self inflicted and could be avoided if they were more selective in choosing who they procreated with .

Same can be said for mothers in a relationship who's partner leaves everything to them, they should have been more careful who they chose to procreate with too.

Or maybe, just maybe, the blame could fall squarely at the feet of the men who walk out on their families or leave everything to their partners. Radical I know. 🙄

I am a single mum, I'm spread pretty thin but I'm also incredibly proud of my DD. She's awesome too.

StopSpinning · 18/05/2019 00:42

All single parents (mums or dads) bringing up their children alone get huge admiration from me. That is regardless of the circumstances that this arose from.

happyhillock · 18/05/2019 00:57

Single parent's are truly amazing i brought my 2 DD's up alone for about 8 years before i met my DP, i worked they seen there father for 3 hrs 1 night during the week and a Sunday afternoon he never paid any child support, it was very hard work and tiring doing it alone, you just get on with it because you have to, and for the love of your DC