To think single parents are amazing

[Moorcroft]

I’ve just been reading a thread about the fair division of household chores vs full time/part time work for couples. I became a single parent when DC were 9 and 10. After exH left, I had 100% responsibility for 2 DC 50/52 weeks a year (he did manage to take them on holiday, but never had them overnight or for more than a few hours at a time the rest of the year), house and garden maintenance, household admin, chauffeuring DC to activities and facilitating their social life (very rural so no public transport) and a FT job. It was exhausting, but I kept going because there wasn’t another option. Mine are grown up now, but I know there are 1000s of single parents doing the same without anyone to take up the slack.

I came on this thread to feel good, I have been a LP for 14 years, and now coping with DD's GCSEs alone, whilst her useless F who she hardly sees tells her revision is not worth bothering about, plus running a business, plus coping with late 80s parents, one of whom wants to die. Thanks OP for your sentiment, I felt momentarily better before people started to put the boot in 🙄.

Having said that life is so much better being a single parent. I only answer to myself, no running around looking after a man who didn't do anything but eat, shit and expect sex

@TabbyStar

Yes, the first 2 posts after the OP are literally what we face every, single day isn't it. I bet though that poster has gotten exactly what they want because they've managed to piss off a load of single parents on a thread put up by the OP to appreciate them.

Well, you are awesome, all of you single parents, because parenting a child on your own is hard, thankless a lot of the time and obviously looked down upon by some. Well bugger purpletigers and the like, we are awesome, and thank you OP for your post and to each one of the supportive posters. It does make a difference!

But anyway, I had 3 more children with my ex and our relationship ended after 10 years together. I’ve been a single mum since (7 years) and I dont think I’m amazing. I do the best I can with 4 children, 2 with ASD and I’m also disabled with mobility issues. But I don’t think I do anything that most people in my position would do and there are probably many who would do a far better job of it than me.

@OwlBeThere You are exactly the sort of single/lone parent who I think is amazing. I am not talking about being a perfect parent giving your DC a perfect life in an immaculate house (I would fail on all 3). I am talking about the lone parents who keep going through the daily grind of life doing their best with minimal support, and who are the constant presence providing their DC with security and love.

I’m a single mother, because I had the guts to leave a selfish husband, because I choose to put my child and myself first rather than staying for the security his money provided.

I was VERY selective when I decided who to procreate with, but people grows in different ways and change. It takes huge balls to leave so you may like to choose your words better purpletiger, who knows? You may end up a widow, left for another woman or for your own nasty nature? Or even staying in an unsatisfactory marriage a prisoner of your own judgements? Best of luck to you (and your poor DDs if you have them)

Widowed suddenly when my kids were 4 and 6 about 10 years ago. Hard hard hard. Not the physical stuff - my husband worked long hours I did most of that anyway. I mean the decisions about schooling, discipline, teaching my son about boy stuff, planning holidays (totally different when is one adult and kids). Just the whole responsibility of the family is on me. I’m not mother and father to my children - I could never fill that role. Plus I miss my husband so much still.

My mum was a single mother to 5dc after our dad left. She had MH issues too, he fucked off and we used to see him on birthdays and Christmas. Thing is before that he used to be a really hands on dad before he left so I still don't get it and have resentment towards him

He's still the same now, see him a couple of times a year. Kids used to call him 'new grandad' when they were younger

My mum did the best she could with her MH issues and I had to be a young carer and look after my Dbros welfare a lot of the time but she was still a better parent then he ever was. He also tried paying £5 a week maintenance for all us 5 until she took his arse to CM. she deserves a medal alone for not killing him 😁

I don't think relationship status has any bearing on how good a parent a person is whatsoever. Plenty of good and bad parents in the world regardless of being in a couple or not.

I also came on here to feel good but now I feel bloody angry at smug judgemental people who really should be very careful as nobody knows what's round the corner.

I've got a 20 year old at uni I'm very very proud of her and we've come a long way together without any help from her Father I'm proud of us for coping I'm proud of us for ignoring other people's nasty tongue wagging and bitching but most of all I'm happy and I've done these things on my own

Just the whole responsibility of the family is on me

This is a whole other weight that some lone parents face. My Ex is interested in the major issues, just didn’t want to be involved in their day to day upbringing.

. Sorry for your loss @Pipandmum

Chin up pipandmum. You're doing a bloody amazing job and don't you forget it!

Your DH would be proud of you.

Yes! We are brilliant!

My DH died when our DC were 5 and 7. I looked after him and the kids for 4 years knowing he was terminally ill. It’s 3 years since he died now.

I’ve just booked my summer childcare. All sorted. Out of 72 days off they will have had on work days in a year I’ll have been there for 60. Plus I have nearly a weeks’ leave in hand for emergencies. I’m doing a good job for them. And holding down a middle management job 0.6FTE. Somehow. And getting kids to 4-5 clubs each a week. And keeping weekends free for seeing people and relaxing. And just about keeping on top of the house, and getting there with the garden.

Do I get a medal? 😂😂

All single mums and dads ( as that does happen ) are absolutely amazing, I have a friend who is and I think she is marvellous, the energy she finds to make sure she is mum and dad and friend.

I have a new baby and I thank god that he has a wonderful daddy! I get shattered with a hands on dad to help ( he works away a lot but is amazing when home) I don’t know how you all do it, and I am sure it is a case of having to but honestly you have my respect ✊ x x x

Absolutely amazed at anyone who does it alone. My husband is an amazing dad but was away for work last week and one day alone was so hard! I can’t imagine everyday alone. It must be so hard - don’t agree with the above comments about people who bring it on themselves either, what a load of crap

It’s certainly not easy. Grief is a huge challenge - mine and the children’s - and my eldest has ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia. But we live a full life with great family and friends. My organisational skills keep us afloat 😀

Tunnocksreturns2019 ... you all get medals 🏅 ... and so sorry for your loss x x

A lot of the woes of single mothers are very much self inflicted and could be avoided if they were more selective in choosing who they procreated with

It must be terribly difficult to have such a poor grasp of the English language that you can not understand the difference between "a few" and "a lot". I feel sorry for you. Have you considered having 1-1 English lessons?

I've found it much easier being a single parent for most of DD's life than being married and trying to co-parent with an alcoholic with no grasp of truth and an apparent determination to bankrupt us both or drink himself to death, whichever came first.

Overall, I'm very lucky to have had a big supportive family, an excellent education, and a solid career. I've always had to work hard to bring up DD alone, putting a vast chunk of wages into childcare costs for a nanny so that I could continue upwards at work for example, but there has never been a crisis point when doubted my ability to cope.

Sometimes in the dark, I imagine being a single parent without any of these resources. My admiration is through the roof for anyone who manages to raise a happy, healthy child on benefits, in insecure accommodation, or without grandparents, aunts and uncles to help model the positive behaviours which the absent parent lacked.

There's a fair number of couples around where one partner is so vile that I can't imagine their children would have a worse upbringing if they did disappear.

I don't have much time for the ignorance of anti-single-parent types. They're often cowardly bullies looking for easy targets to kick.

Some are, some aren’t. Much the same as any parents.

Some people don't get it.
I remember when I was newly struggling with being a single parent, and wondering how I was going to juggle work/ school drop offs and a commute.
I mentioned it would be so wonderful if the school did a breakfast club.
Cue other mum saying " well, it's pretty sad if you can't even give your child a piece of toast". I was dumbfounded.

It's been10 years and I still seethe when I think about it!

Well done and sorry for your loss to those that are widowed

And purpletigers.you may want to engage brain before getting fingers to move as you're coming across as a nasty dick

I don't have much time for the ignorance of anti-single-parent types. They're often cowardly bullies looking for easy targets to kick

Yes, very much so. I also think women who berate other women in this way have a few fears of their own and are seeking some kind of assurance that because they did things ‘right’, it couldn’t possibly happen to them, Unfortunately, many people don’t reveal their true selves for many, many years. It can happen to anyone.

I should also say that my Mum would in no way say she was a super parent and must have suffered terrible self doubt. We had very little money for the majority of my childhood, lived in 2 rooms of a shared house, ate beans on toast for weeks on end etc. etc. I'm sure she cried and shouted and felt desperate (God knows I do!) but I don't remember any of that stuff. I just remember her love and her comfort and how much fun we had. I thought and still think she's absolutely amazing and a fantastic role model.

She definitely didn't do it by the book - who the Hell does at 21

I’ve been single since I was pregnant to man I’d been with about 6 months so I am definitely in the category of feckless single mothers who deserve everything they get as described by the lovely @Purpletigers.

I left him because he was a twat, which he further proved time and time again by then harassing and abusing me throughout my pregnancy to the point that I had to get the police involved. He pays the bare minimum forced on him by the CMS (£15 a week) and has seen ds twice in a year for a few hours.

I have a very demanding job, ds has never slept through the night at age nearly 3 (average times I got up in the night this week was 5-7 before having to get up for work at 5am)

This morning I have cried twice due to exhaustion and because ds decided to violently kick me as I was trying to change his dirty nappy. I have been screamed and whinged at on and off since 5am this morning. We have also had lots of cuddles and stories and playtime.

It’s fucking hard, some days I don’t want to do it anymore and long for my old life.

But ds will grow up knowing he has a strong mother who provided everything for him and who loves him more than anything.

So @Purpletigers do please continue to judge away, you are not half the woman I am and I pity you.

There’s always at least one cunt who pipes up on this type of thread isn’t there?

grumpy