To think single parents are amazing

[Moorcroft]

I’ve just been reading a thread about the fair division of household chores vs full time/part time work for couples. I became a single parent when DC were 9 and 10. After exH left, I had 100% responsibility for 2 DC 50/52 weeks a year (he did manage to take them on holiday, but never had them overnight or for more than a few hours at a time the rest of the year), house and garden maintenance, household admin, chauffeuring DC to activities and facilitating their social life (very rural so no public transport) and a FT job. It was exhausting, but I kept going because there wasn’t another option. Mine are grown up now, but I know there are 1000s of single parents doing the same without anyone to take up the slack.

Single parents (vast majority of whom are single mums) are amazing. We deal with a huge amount of work, misconceptions and criticism and rarely get a break (literally or metaphorically). We rock!!!

And it doesn’t matter how you became a single parent- it’s hard work. If you can be both mum and dad and do a good job you are fabulous. Time to Get over any ridiculous misogynistic notions about widows being deserving and unmarried mums being slappers.

Not always, I'm afraid.

My single mum neighbour is always swearing and screaming and threatening her two children. She's never worked. Zero respect for her, but she wouldn't even care either way.

Loads are fantastic, loads arent, the same as every mum out there.

Cocktail, I have seen married mothers doing the same. In fact, there are far more married SAHMs than single ones.

Not sure about the swearing, I have seen some mums and dads together being horrible to their kids, but I suppose being abusive to the kids is better, because you are still married???

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss and @Purpletigers and to all those arrogant cunts that negatively stereotype single parents.

Perhaps if circumstances forced you to be a single parent you would be a more pleasant, empathetic and compassionate human. Currently, you're very ignorant, narrow minded and ruthless.

Undoubtedly, you leave a wake of angry people whether on this forum or in real life.

Think about what you said. Go on. Really try.

All single parents are amazing.

The biggest challenge for me - and again typified by some of the opinions on this thread - is how people pigeon hole you as a single parent.

Yes @JacquesHammer that I think is the biggest problem, as shown on this thread really. That somehow you are less than a woman in a relationship doing the same thing. That you're judged and criticised for someone else's decision. In my case it was his decision to walk away, his decision to not support his child, and his decision to opt out of parenting. And I am doing all of it, picked up the pieces and put them back together, yet somehow, according to some on here, it's my fault anyway, regardless of the fact another fully functional adult had a 50% responsibility for this decision and chose to ignore the implications of that decision. Apparently, I'm in the wrong for someone else's decision - is it because I have a uterus? That I'm the one to blame? Or must I accept responsibility because a man surely can't?
It's crazy that despite the fact the single parent is the one bearing the responsibility for the practical, physical and emotional well being of a child that two people chose to have, they must also accept the responsibility for the other person's decision too, and not say a word.
Maybe if there were less judgement around, single parents wouldn't feel like they are maligned and looked down upon, and appreciate posts like the OPs so much when someone recognises they're picking up the slack from someone else's poor choices.

"Maybe if there were less judgement around, single parents wouldn't feel like they are maligned and looked down upon, and appreciate posts like the OPs so much when someone recognises they're picking up the slack from someone else's poor choices."

Quite.

Loads are fantastic, loads arent, the same as every mum out there

Undoubtedly true. And yet you never see a post which defines someone’s poor parenting in relation to their marriage, do you? Or in relation to benefits? A SAHM with a husband is a good mum, doing the best for her family. A single mum who is not working is Benefit scum, regardless of why she may not be working such as having a child with a disability or having been made redundant or just happily living off an inheritance. No one ever says ‘my married mum friend...’ as a thread opener. You frequently see ‘my single mum friend...’ inevitably in a negative context because the fact of being single is used as a determiner of poor parenting in a way that married parenting protects from poor parenting.

The more I think about the post that says single mums should stay quiet about our achievements, the angrier I get. Like so many single parents, I have made a quiet success of our lives, single-handedly supporting my children for the last 10 years whilst nursing an elderly parent, full time work, part time work, seasonal work all make up my income. We enjoy holidays, have a lovely home and a new car on the driveway. I have every bloody right to be proud of everything I do. And I am proud. This has thread has highlighted to me just how proud.

Just to add as well - I am a far better parent now as a single parent than I ever was when I was with XH, who was controlling and overbearing. My kids are now free of that and have a chance to grow up without that influencing their lives.