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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:
stucknoue · 18/05/2019 15:06

A drink on arrival eg wine or Prosecco and arrange for (free) water on the table, ask guests to purchase drinks from bar (if available) or to have separate bills otherwise it will get tricky. One idea is to negotiate with the restaurant a short wine list and send to your guests in advance inviting them to preorder at their own cost. Usually people do pay for evening reception drinks but meal wine does tend to be provided in my experience but not always, I've been to weddings without even toast drinks.

flowery · 18/05/2019 15:08

”£100 may not be a lot for you and a lot of other posters but it's a huge amount to us.”

Your original post sounded as though you were considering doing this, but weren’t sure if it was acceptable.

If an extra £100 was always completely out of the question and you want to stick with the venue, then it was a bit of a pointless question in the first place really.

MyFavouritePlace · 18/05/2019 15:09

I think it's fine to not provide any drinks in this situation and seeing as the guests are all family I'd assume they know your circumstances. If I was invited it wouldn't bother me if I had to pay for my own drinks.

Prequelle · 18/05/2019 15:10

People go on about how important marriage is for people financially and legally and how it can be done cheaply so there's no excuse, but then think not having a paid bar is tacky Confused

OP if people want to get pissed they can fund it themselves. I've never ever been to a wedding that is all paid drinks wise, just a couple of bottles on the table but even if you can't do that it's no big deal.

stucknoue · 18/05/2019 15:11

Ps I would ditch individual starters and just have things to share (obviously depends on type of restaurant) eg bread and olives. See if you can negotiate a main course and wine/beer/soft drink per person price, if it's daytime you can get a great deal just by asking.

elsabadogigante · 18/05/2019 15:15

EXACTLY, Prequelle and Jings. It's ridiculous. There's another thread about eloping because the couple, who have 3 children, do not have any money for a wedding. But nope, there's 'have a BBQ in your garden', go to a restaurant, buy in a load of booze from Lidl . . .

NO ONE needs to drink and if they do they can fund it themselves if the couple are skint.

FFS. I've been to dry weddings (because the couples were Muslim or Free Kirk of Scotland). Everyone lived and had a good time.

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 18/05/2019 15:18

@CharityConundrum

Digital files which we may print at a later stage eventually.

OP posts:
Oswin · 18/05/2019 15:19

Sounds fine to me. But if it's bothering you have you got any unlicensed Indian restaurants near you. They tend to let you bring own drinks. You could tell everyone to byob could work out cheaper for everyone.

Tiscold · 18/05/2019 15:20

Op i think your wedding sounds amazing and please don't feel pressured to spend money on alcohol.

As family i would rather know you could afford housing, a cheap holiday for the kid and your basic expenses then me some booze.
Don't buy alcohol if you can't afford it, your family will understand

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 18/05/2019 15:21

Sorry probably should have said in my OP it's an early afternoon meal not an evening meal. Although not sure that really makes much difference.

OP posts:
coffeeandbiscuittime · 18/05/2019 15:23

Don't get wound up OP, my dad ( a relatively well off pensioner) did exactly what you are doing, not because of money issues but because why should he pay for my drink , I can afford my own.
Small family wedding, they were getting married because they loved each other. It was a lovely wedding and no one objected or thought it was strange that we had to (God forbid) buy our own drinks.
Have a lovely day with your small group of family and friends who will be there because they want to be and I am sure will not care about a glass of wine on arrival.

flowery · 18/05/2019 15:24

OP definitely implied there might be wiggle room in her OP. If she had been clear there was none, I think answers may have been different.

JingsMahBucket · 18/05/2019 15:30

@CharityConundrum
Does the £200 for the photographer include digital files or prints or will you have to pay out more afterwards for those? I'd be tempted to ditch the photographer to pay for drinks in your shoes, but only because I went for fairly low-key photos at my wedding and have only really ever used about 4 of the photos taken, so I'm fairly biased which isn't much help!

WTF? So the OP should forgo an already very inexpensive photographer simply to supply booze?

zukiecat · 18/05/2019 15:36

I've never been to a wedding where all drinks are provided

Every one I've been to has had a welcome drink on arrival and wine with the meal, after that you paid for your own

As I don't drink any alcohol whatsoever, I've never had a free drink at any wedding

So it wouldn't bother me to buy my own at any wedding

XiCi · 18/05/2019 15:37

No one is trying to force the OP to pay for alcohol. Her OP stated that she wasn't sure whether they could afford it so obviously people are going to suggest ways that this could be done cheaply. If she had stated in her OP I definitely can't afford another penny so buying drinks is out of the question, will this be OK then it would have been a completely different thread.

Lollypop701 · 18/05/2019 15:41

As long as I knew beforehand I wouldn’t care. Spend what you can afford

CheeseIsEverything · 18/05/2019 15:45

Those saying 'as long as it's clear beforehand', would you really go to a wedding expecting not to pay for any drinks?

I went to one the other week and made sure I had money on me as it never occurred to me to assume it would be free just because it wasn't made clear on the invites.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 18/05/2019 15:48

OP, stop being so arsey. You asked, people answered.

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 18/05/2019 15:54

OP, stop being so arsey

Apart from one post aimed at @XiCi I'm not sure where I've been so arsey? Confused

OP posts:
icecream432 · 18/05/2019 15:55

Could 3 or 4 jugs of soft drinks on the table with the meal might be good compromise? Might not cost that much.

You shouldn't feel you have to provide all the drinks but I do think it's polite to at least offer something (anything!) to drink along with the meal. Then if they want alcohol or something else, can buy their own - and hope the restaurant are organised and can keep track of who owes what.

LolaSmiles · 18/05/2019 15:59

There’s a world of difference between a free bar (which no one is suggesting) andno drink at all.
That's my feeling.
I wouldn't ever expect an open free bar at a wedding, but I do find it poor hosting to not have any drinks when you're hosting an event.

Put it this way, I wouldn't invite people round to my house and tell them I'm cooking tea for everyone but if they want to drink anything they should bring their own. I'd have some soft drinks and a bottle or two of something available. Even on informal BYOB gatherings, the hosts usually provide soft drinks, some mixers and a couple of bottles of wine/beer to start with. A wedding where guests would be expected to foot all their drinks doesn't seem right to me.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 18/05/2019 16:17

Comparing it to a free bar is disingenuous. It is like having a wedding breakfast with nothing to drink. They're both providing a wedding meal, this one just so happens to be in a restaurant. While I wouldn't think less of family in this instance obviously, personally I would find it odd not to have free a glass of wine for the meal with anything else bought individually.

I'd second asking about corkage.

Thesearmsofmine · 18/05/2019 16:19

I think a welcome drink isn’t needed at that kind of reception but providing a drink to go with the meal would be nice particularly with such a small number of people.

If they are family then I am guessing you will know if they will drink wine? 13 people, at least a couple probably won’t want wine anyway so you would just need two or three of bottles for some small glasses of wine and a soft drink for the others plus jugs of water. Or just provide a soft drink.

My wedding was on a tight budget my dress was less than £50 so yes I know what it’s like when money is tight but I think they are your guests so as host it is good manners to provide at least a soft drink to go with the meal.

Mamaslave18 · 18/05/2019 16:23

I’ve only been to one wedding where not so much as a glass of water was provided for the guests. It was very odd and nobody knew what to do. People kept looking around for the wine to appear, and nobody wanted to go to the bar as they didn’t want to buy drinks for the whole table of people ( most of whom didn’t know each other). All I’d say is to make it abundantly clear beforehandto peoplethat no drinks will be provided.

Mehmehmeh19 · 18/05/2019 16:25

Could you change restaurant to one that's unlicensed and take your own?

One of my favourite weddings recently was a registry office, then an Italian that didn't have a licence. They took all of the booze them selves?

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