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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:
ANewDawn10 · 18/05/2019 13:56

I think you should put something at least on the table. A few soft drinks, juices and some wine. As someone else pointed out people would have travelled and had expenses of their own to attend so the least you could do is at least one or two drinks per person. Thereafter they can order their own.

rookiemere · 18/05/2019 13:57

Are you doing a set menu with the restaurant? If not worth seeing what they could do and include some wine.

I don't think guests are expecting to get pie eyed at OPs expense but one glass of wine/ fizz for toasting is what is meant here.

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 18/05/2019 13:58

Students usually are easily able to pick up a part time job, most have to just to cover living expenses

Mature full time healthcare student with placements, studying and caring responsibilities, a mortgage and other expenses but yes sure I'll just pick up more work Hmm

Not getting married until later this year outside of the summer season so doubt a garden party would be an option.

Your setup sounds perfect @Corbylee

Some of the restaurants we looked at did corkage but to the tune of £5.50 per bottle plus the actual cost of the wine is easily £10-15 per cheap bottle of wine.

Personally I'd cancel the camping trip to pay for the wine

So you'd cancel a young child's only break away this year to pay for others alcohol?

See this is precisely the reason we looked at eloping as no matter what you do there'll always be someone unhappy. May as well elope, save hundreds and piss people off that way if they're going to be annoyed anyway.

OP posts:
Billballbaggins · 18/05/2019 14:11

I had pretty much your exact wedding 2 years ago. I provided a couple of bottles of Prosecco for a welcome drink and that was it. No wine on the tables or anything. People just went and paid at the bar for their own drinks. If anyone didn’t like it then that was their problem. We didn’t do a toast so we didn’t do any extra for that either. It’s fine OP, and I’m biased because mine was the same but it was a great relaxed family day, you’ll love it!

flowery · 18/05/2019 14:11

”We're already going to the cheapest local restaurant. The only other options that we can see which would be cheaper are those two well known pubs beginning with a W or H (sorry not sure if we're allowed to put names of specific places or can we?). Very open to suggestions if anyone can see somewhere we've missed.”

Why does it need to be a restaurant or pub? Hire a hall or function room and either do your own buffet or get platters from Waitrose or M&S or something, rather than tying yourself to the food provided by the venue.

I wish people would stop saying it’s fine because no one expects a free bar. There’s a world of difference between a free bar (which no one is suggesting) and no drink at all.

If half a bottle of wine each for only 13 people is beyond you, and you don’t want to move to a more DIY venue where you can cut the food and drink bill way down, then you’ll have to do what you propose.

crazymaisie · 18/05/2019 14:12

I think it's fine op. I'd be very happy to pay for my own drink. If you're able to, 3 bottles of Prosecco would be enough for a glass each and then water/squash would probably be free or a few quid for kids. Maybe £30 and you'd have settled your own worry. But if that's not affordable then don't worry! Nobody will mind

XiCi · 18/05/2019 14:13

Could you negotiate with the restaurant to include one drink? Then at least everyone would have a drink with their meal. You very often see deals for set menus in restaurants that include a beer, wine or soft drink.

Billballbaggins · 18/05/2019 14:13

Why does it need to be a restaurant or pub? Hire a hall or function room and either do your own buffet or get platters from Waitrose or M&S or something, rather than tying yourself to the food provided by the venue.

Because it isn’t any cheaper to do that. I know as I had pretty much the exact same wedding as the OP a couple of years ago. It wasn’t cheaper to hire a hall and do a buffet thing for 30ish people at all.

Squigglesworth · 18/05/2019 14:16

Don't worry about it, OP. People will understand, and if anyone thinks it's strange they'll probably have the good manners to keep it to themselves.

We had a dry wedding reception (family home, lots of nice nibbles and wedding cake, no booze provided), so some people's obsession with the availability of alcohol around weddings strikes me as odd. It's one day (or evening). Can't people enjoy themselves without alcohol?

BossAssBitch · 18/05/2019 14:17

TBH with you, I haven't been to a fully funded reception in years. It's very much a thing of the past

We paid for all the booze at our wedding, people travelled a long way and at great expense, it was the least we could do! I have been to many weddings with paid bars, more than I have where guests are expected to pay. Definitely not a thing of the past.

ineedaholidaynow · 18/05/2019 14:24

Also 20 people would rattle in a hall.

I think your idea is fine OP. if I was invited to a wedding with only 20 people I would feel really privileged. If you are having a set menu I can't see the need for a welcoming drink. Surely you would be seated as soon as you arrive at the restaurant and the starters would be served. Welcoming drinks are more usual to keep guests happy whilst the interminable photos are being taken.

If I was a guest at this wedding I would quite happily buy a couple of bottles of fizz to be shared amongst the other guests to be able to toast the happy couple.

I assume everyone who you have invited know you are on a tight budget and probably would be expecting to pay for their own meal, so not paying for that will be a bonus.

I can see PP point if you go to a fancy wedding with many guests, which has obviously cost a fortune, where no free alcohol is provided at all it would seem odd, but not a small intimate wedding like this.

NailsNeedDoing · 18/05/2019 14:30

Why did you ask AIBU if you only wanted to hear one thing?

You presumably know all of your guests well, and you will know whether they are the type of people to think that no drinks at a wedding is fine or whether they fall on the other side and think drinks with a meal should be provided at a wedding.

These particular guests are the only ones that matter here, how do you think they will feel?

Yorkiebar71 · 18/05/2019 14:31

I've been to loads of weddings and only 2 provided drinks, the rest everyone bought their own. It does not matter to me buying drinks, as long as everyone knows in advance I don't see the issue

jameswong · 18/05/2019 14:33

Your fine.

My wedding was for 20. We paid for drinks throughout the meal, at the end of the meal had the staff do a sweep round everyone to make sure they got another drink on the tab, then had the best man announce we were switching to a cash bar.

ItsBloodyFreezingg · 18/05/2019 14:34

You must your cloth, if you can't afford to wine and dine your guests then invite fewer

And here's me thinking you were supposed to go to a wedding to celebrate the marriage of people you love and care for. Silly me, it's obviously for the free food and booze.

OP, you must not do anything. If your close family and friends are more concerned about free booze on the table than just being with you on your wedding day then I wouldn't consider them close are all.

The only thing that makes me cringe is people thinking the most important thing about a wedding is the free booze. Shame on you if this is all you give a fuck about. And even worse if you're the kind of shit who gossips or 'talks' about it too.

I went to my best friend's wedding the other weekend. The bar didn't enter my head at all, I couldn't give a toss if there was wine on the tables. I was there for my friend and I enjoyed every minute of celebrating her day. I even had to spend a couple of quid getting my own drink shock horror

XiCi · 18/05/2019 14:37

So there are only 13 adults? Half a bottle of wine pp on the table plus a couple of jugs of cordial could probably be done for around £100. Is that doable?

ItsBloodyFreezingg · 18/05/2019 14:38

We paid for all the booze at our wedding, people travelled a long way and at great expense, it was the least we could do!

OP is going to a local restaurant so this is irrelevant. If you're having it in some grand Hall in the middle of no where or another country half way round the world it's a bit different.

Personally I'd cancel the camping trip to pay for the wine

I would be fucking horrified if a close family member or friend cancelled her child's family holiday so she could afford to buy me a few glasses of wine!!

MN is insane. OP in the real world, people who love and care for you won't give a shit. They'll just be happy to share your day.

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 18/05/2019 14:41

@XiCi what part of unaffordable do you not get? £100 may not be a lot for you and a lot of other posters but it's a huge amount to us. I get a grand total of 5.5k per year! That doesn't even cover my mortgage!

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 18/05/2019 14:47

Why are people so attached to alcohol that they’re trying to pressure a broke bride/couple into paying for something they obviously can’t afford?! OP has said in so many ways that they can’t afford it so why keep pushing it? Is it so foreign to some posters to actually pay for their own their drinking habit that they’re trying to obnoxiously shame this poor woman and tell her to cancel their child’s camping trip to pay for booze? WTH is wrong with some of you people?

@CurriedCarbs definitely in your circumstances your plan is completely fine and I’m sure your families even expect it. You’re already paying for their food, which is generous enough! They can buy their own toasting drinks as not everyone would want champagne anyway. I’m sure some would even prefer to toast you with their favourite drink as well. :)

The main thing is to work out a system with the restaurant for guests to order their drinks and pay for them without a lot trouble. Communicate that to your guests and just have a good time!

XiCi · 18/05/2019 14:47

That's fine OP. I don't understand why you are asking then. People are trying to suggest ways this might be affordable for you if you wanted to provide a drink. If you absolutely can't then that's that isn't it. That is the way it will have to be. I'm sure everyone will enjoy their day regardless.

wildhairdontcare · 18/05/2019 14:51

@CurriedCarbs try not to get irate as people are trying to help. Given you know your circumstances better than us your question is really unnecessary as you can't afford the drinks, simply offer a meal and enjoy your day. Jugs of water on the table. Depending on the date of the wedding perhaps saving £1 a week could buy two bottles of Prosecco (£18 ish a bottle) for a toast as you cut the cake.

Best of luck.

ItsBloodyFreezingg · 18/05/2019 14:56

Why are people so attached to alcohol that they’re trying to pressure a broke bride/couple into paying for something they obviously can’t afford?! OP has said in so many ways that they can’t afford it so why keep pushing it? Is it so foreign to some posters to actually pay for their own their drinking habit that they’re trying to obnoxiously shame this poor woman and tell her to cancel their child’s camping trip to pay for booze? WTH is wrong with some of you people?

This ^^

CharityConundrum · 18/05/2019 14:58

Does the £200 for the photographer include digital files or prints or will you have to pay out more afterwards for those? I'd be tempted to ditch the photographer to pay for drinks in your shoes, but only because I went for fairly low-key photos at my wedding and have only really ever used about 4 of the photos taken, so I'm fairly biased which isn't much help!

rookiemere · 18/05/2019 15:02

Calm down everyone. It was a joke about cancelling the camping trip, although clearly a not very funny one, so I do apologise for that.

If corkage is £5.50 then you could get 2 magnums of prosecco from Aldi at £13.99 each so just under £40 for all the adults. So it is possible to do cheaply.

However you've explained your finances so I'm sure in the circumstances guests will be ok to buy their own.

rookiemere · 18/05/2019 15:03

Oh and it's really not that most wedding guests are raging dipsomaniacs, but it's pretty standard to provide a glass if something to toast with at a wedding.