Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

Springwalk

Your missing the point, the point is noone need to have mental space to remember oh wow its x and x birthday next week and wow this is now called wife work and invisible womens work because you can just plug all that stuff in calendars and set reminders to let you know when you need to do something like buy gift for x bday, buy xmas presents etc.

As for laundry ironing is the biggest time consuming activity. Its not like you have to physically sit and watch your clothes be washed for hours compared to having to ironing. Hell I bung everything in the morning before I leave and set the timer so it finishes just as I get in from work so thats one chore that definately doesnt need someone to stay at home and do.

If you have enough money there is so much smart tech about you can free up your chores easily, robot lawnmower, robot vacuum, robot mop and even a robto gutter cleaner and I recently read somewhere that there are early stages for a robot toilet cleaner.....chores are going to be a thing of the past one day what will women do then to hold over men about how much they do.

And for those people saying she is exhausted poor thing... find out why that is as it is not exhausting working three days a week at all. If she has a medical issue see what can be done to help her recover and then she should take on her fair share. I work five days a week, exercise a lot, take care of the house, look after my DD, have a social life and am not exhausted!

I wouldn’t be exhausted either with just one child and a small house mumma

I'd not be doing 50% of the housework when she only works a few days. Neither would I be happy with the arrangement.

I would be telling my partner they either had to up their hours or I would do the same hours and all the luxuries would go.

cycling you summed up your sexist post in the last sentence chores are going to be a thing of the past, what will women do then hold over men

They are not the woman’s chores, they are everyone’s including the mans! Assuming you like to eat and wear clean clothes.

Both DH and I work FT. (I'm possibly FT+). DH does almost all the housework and 4/7 of the cooking. My only "responsibility" is laundry - which he irons. Takes me 10 minutes to sort and shove in machine every few days and probably another ten to peg it out and then put in iron basket. Re presents - he does his friends and family, I do mine. If it was up to me, I'd have a cleaner.

(I can't help but smile at the idea of "household admin". That's almost nothing in these digital times!)

I think OP's proposal is totally fair.

There's a few of the studies referenced here but nothing stopping people from doing their own homework.

Studies are completely irrelevant in this situation. Yes the studies show what the majority of men do, but in this thread the OP has specifically stated all the tasks he's done and mentioned how he took over all the household duties when he was 3 months off sick. And yet, he MUST be lying because there's some studies out theregod you're ridiculous.

Fucking hell. I've just found out I'm failing my children by not 'being there' when they come home from school. I wonder if some of these posters are rather workshy themselves by the amount of work they are listing!

My DH does at least 50% of the house work and so called "wifework"
Same.
I better scuttle off before some women come along and tell me that I must be drowning in the psychological weight of unwritten wife work.

They are splitting home responsibilities 50/50.
Partner A does 50% home things and works 5 days.
Partner B does 50% home things and works 3 days whilst whining that they want fancy holidays but would be too exhausted going full time.

Male or female, partner B is lazy and after an easier life. If this thread was a woman complaining about her DP there'd be cries of cocklodger by the end of the first page.

Springwalk,I disputed listing tasks as time consuming & onerous.That isn’t foul.
You simply don’t like it. That’s wholly different to foul
Tasks that are easily managed electronically and online are equal to working
And these admin tasks etc,single folk,working folk all manage it adequately without wailing about wifework
Christmas?It’s the same day every year,it’s not a surprise sprung at short notice

Springwalk,I disputed listing tasks as time consuming & onerous.That isn’t foul.
You simply don’t like it. That’s wholly different to foul
Tasks that are easily managed electronically and online are NOT equal to working
And these admin tasks etc,single folk,working folk all manage it adequately without wailing about wifework
Christmas?It’s the same day every year,it’s not a surprise sprung at short notice

Who does all the admin, the birthdays? The play dates? The bills? Christmas? Food shopping?

Oh please. Why do people (women) have to big up these things that are really very simple.

Admin and bills? Diary on pc and direct debits/standing orders/internet banking.

Birthdays? How many a year are you doing? Unless you’re the old woman who lived in a shoe, probably max three or four for your own kids. For extended family/friends Amazon is your answer.

Play dates? Kids just visiting and playing together is what it was in my day. Are you arranging huge events every time?
Food shopping? Online and delivery.
Christmas? Comes but once a year. Again, internet shopping for gifts and food. If you want to martyr yourself to the point of exhaustion then crack on.
All this stuff really isn’t difficult. It’s simply dredging up stuff to justify how hard a woman’s life is.

I'll try to cover as many points raised as I can:

1. DW is not exhausted from staying at home. She says increasing her hours would be exhausting. As in the paid work is the issue.

2. On the days off (which isn't back to back) she does the laundry, does pick up and drop off rather than just one or the other. As there are only 5 hours between PU and DO whatever times left over she's free to do as she pleases. Watch TV or take time doing her hobbies. Sometimes she'll cook from scratch others times she won't.

3. I don't want her to work longer for holidays, she is the one want better holidays. I want to work less to spend more time with my kids as over the past few months I've loved the opportunity to spend more time with them.

4. I've not mentioned if I'm male/female as at first I didn't feel it was important and now it'll detract from the question asked.

5. whilst recently off work I chose to do all the housework so that on our days off we could do nice things like go for a walk or grab a coffee rather than catching up on jobs I'd not done

Finally, if you think I couldn't possibly do half of the household work then fine. There's clearly nothing I can do or say to convince you otherwise so feel free to move onto another thread.

I wonder if some of these posters are rather workshy themselves by the amount of work they are listing!

Yes, that’s absolutely it rather than a myriad of other options in the workplace that allow flexibility.

So apart from the laundry the split is 50:50. In our house I would estimate that laundry (including ironing and distributing to the appropriate bedrooms) is about 70% of the housework so the split is definitely not the 50:50 the OP describes. And she does this laundry on her ‘day off’. That isn’t a day off, that’s a day working in the home.

My partner used to think we split the housework 50:50 until I had two weeks in hospital. When I came out he hadn’t changed a sheet or cleaned a loo or done a myriad of other ‘ little ‘ jobs. Not because he’s lazy or feckless but because I normally do them without thinking or commenting on it so they just aren’t on his radar.

But whether the OP genuinely does as much around the house as he thinks he does isn’t the point here. What is relevant is they are both unhappy with the status quo and that can only be resolved by honest communication and compromise.

In this case though the o/p wants to share those “sacrifices. ..... yeah, now that the kids are grown and don't need as much help and attention. Now that the majority of the hard work is done.

OP we have what you want: we both have the luxury of working 4 days and, I can tell you that it's just the best ever. I used to work just 3 days but my DHs job changed and it was now possible for him to do 4 days. This has been the situation for around 18 months and we're both happier and calmer: I feel like it is a true split now and it's not all up to me and he feels more connected to the DC and involved.

Yes, we're more skint than working 5 days each but we have great holidays in the UK and still have funds for great weekends.

For those saying what do you do all day- a school day is pretty short. Yesterday I painted the fence for a few hours, did the food shop, visited my dad and that was all I had time for. Today DH picked up the slack in housework and laundry and repaired the car. All things we'd find hard to fit in around the kids.

I think the 4 days is completely the way to go.

In our house I would estimate that laundry (including ironing and distributing to the appropriate bedrooms) is about 70% of the housework so the split is definitely not the 50:50 the OP describes. And she does this laundry on her ‘day off’. That isn’t a day off, that’s a day working in the home.

🙄for fucks sake. Firstly if you bothered to read the thread properly, you would know that the OP does the ironing, not their wife. So you think the OP's wife is doing far more housework because she does the laundry(and I'm assuming she wouldn't be the one putting it away either if the OP does the ironing). So doing the laundry is now equivalent to doing 20% more than the other person?? And you must be very slow at doing laundry if it equates to an entire 'day of work in the home'

Lol at •feel free to move on to another thread• if you disagree with me.

Unhappily for you OP, you are not the boss of me so I can hang around here if I want to! However your comment does shed some light on your attitude towards people who think differently to you and maybe illustrates why you and your wife are failing to reach a mutually acceptable compromise on this issue.

Some people are really jumping through as many hoops as they can to try and make the OP seem unreasonable... ultimately the issue is that the OP's wife refuses to work more yet complains about not going on nice holidays. That in itself is unreasonable when she knows it's impossible to go on nice holidays without more money.

So apart from the laundry the split is 50:50. In our house I would estimate that laundry (including ironing and distributing to the appropriate bedrooms) is about 70% of the housework so the split is definitely not the 50:50 the OP describes. And she does this laundry on her ‘day off’. That isn’t a day off, that’s a day working in the home

O/p does the ironing. Which is the bulk of laundry, if you ask me.

I sort and bung clothes in the wash. Whoever is in when it finishes hangs it out. Dh irons, i usually sort and leave for the owner to put away.

As for playdates upthread- A the kids in this case are too old, and B) those who think his wife is doing all the playdates, i bet you’re the type who think the dad hosting a playdate is “weird”. I’ve had a couple of playdate refusals because i am at work and dad is in charge...

In our house I would estimate that laundry (including ironing and distributing to the appropriate bedrooms) is about 70% of the housework

In our house the laundry takes less than an hour a week. We don't do ironing, but it doesn't count anyway, as OP wife doesn't either.

Have you considered that if she is already exhausted, pushing her into even more work could cause a complete burn out?

She works three days a week. How is that exhausting?

The toll of carrying and delivering children can not be measured, maybe she genuinely is very very exhausted and her body is worn out.

The youngest child is just off to high school. Ffs, her poor very very exhausted body has had eleven years to recover.

Springwalk I am not being sexist merely using the words and replaying them back that others have used - plenty of posts on here stating that women do most of the chores/work etc. why don't you call them all sexist.

Make your wife happy and stop keeping score of everything. It’s not an attractive trait in anyone.

Fuck OP's happiness though right? Men must pander to the DW at all times and god forbid she pull her fucking weight. Ridiculous.