Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

OP isn't telling us their sex

I think he's a dude, he said as much at 14.45.

How do single folk,flat shares etc manage bills,xmas,social events,letters?
Oh I know,they just get the fuck on with it.and don’t label it wifework

hahaha its so laughable really. At some point or other majority of people have been single and livinging independently (flat/house) and had to 1) work 5 days a week 2) run the 'household' and we all managed it all by ourselves.

It so laughable because now there are two of you so the 'household' stuff gets split (for arguments sake lets pretend its truly 50:50). That means if you still worked 5 days a week you now do only 50% of the work so life shoujldn't be any harder then having to do it all yourself by yourself with zero help.

What @DogHairEverywhere said.

And the fact you said she makes sure you split 50/50 just means she's had to ask repeatedly for things to be done.

Your wife is a cheeky so and so, I think playing the I need to be part time for the children card once they are off to high school is a bit ridiculous. The fact she isn’t doing the majority of the household tasks yet is only working 3 days is taking the piss. She needs to get back to work, I say this as someone who has taken 2 years out to have my children. I’d say if she wants to stay part-time you even things up and you both work 4 days, it’s the fairest way to do things.

I work 3 days a week too. I have young DC at the moment, in infant school. Having worked part time for coming up to 5 years now, I can understand how hard people must find it to go back to full time. I've become accustom to my new routine, responsibilities and thank my lucky starts part time working is possible due to my DH. I wouldn't like to think he'd push me back into FT working all of a sudden once he feels it's the right time. After all the sacrifices I've made (willingly and happily) for our children and family.

Maybe you should listen to her concerns, be understanding and try and resolve the situation through conversation. Talk to her properly about it all.

Maybe the wife should listen to his concerns, be understanding and try and resolve the situation through conversation. Talk to her husband properly about it all.

The wife is having a doss and she doesn’t want to give it up

It depends a lot on the household work split. I do everything;or manage the people I hire to do them strictly speaking), I sort out all bills, insurance, do his taxes, I also provide full entertaining services on demand, provide legal, benefits, elder care coordination etc for his family, I cook every single meal and if the kids need picking up day or night it's me who has to drop everything and run, thankfully I have a good employer. My dd has asd so even as an adult she's needy. It's a full time job managing a family and house, hours everyday I and have a cleaner, oh and I forgot pet care.

When your wife says it will be too much, think about what she does beyond meal prep, washing and vacuuming, the only l jobs my h ever seems to think exists, not that he does them. I have never complained about money and have always put myself last for spending - but I know I work more hours a week than him despite only being in paid work about half the time he is

How do single folk,flat shares etc manage bills,xmas,social events,letters?
Oh I know,they just get the fuck on with it.and don’t label it wifework

I’m single. I manage it by not working full time

Oh and high school kids need parents too, someone really needs to be home by 4.30/5 at the latest. Teens left home alone get into trouble from my experience

Stucknoue It's a full time job managing a family and house,
hours everyday
No, it’s a set of tasks you’ve stretched to fill a day.because you have nowt else to do
You’re not working so you’ve made the tasks everyone else manages into your project. You have external others do the tasks also,so you’re not actually undertaking the tasks

'Couldn't have been with a man who just wanted money, holidays'

It's the wife that wants the money and holidays, not OP.

'and by the way laundry and ironing for a family of 5 is NOT insignificant'

It's OP who does the ironing, not the wife.

Some people are really struggling with the concept that the OP might actually be in the right here

You might think you are do 50/50 but it's possible it doesn't feel that way to her. Why is she so exhausted?

lipstick your foul little rant really isn’t helping.
I very much doubt you even have dc given you feel they don’t need a parent for a play date?! apparently Christmas arrives at a click of button what planet are you on exactly? Birthday parties ditto. Kids don’t need help with homework, emotional support nor need looking after in the school holidays. They don’t require a bedtime story, someone to care. Fuck why don’t we just work 247 and let the dc raise themselves
You are absolutely deluded pal.

Yup,it’s The wife wants the holidays.but she won’t work to pay for it

Only on mn can a woman be called selfish for putting her family first. teens also need a parent at home after school. fair enough if you have to work but God help you if you can't manage with a ft and pt wage

So only women can put their family first? If a man wants to reduce his hours too is that not putting the family first? 4 days each sounds a great balance. A parent will still be at home, and they will still have two near ft wages (and probably more than 1ft and 1pt as above)

This thread is fucking eye opening.

Of course men are capable of 50:50 housework. Why is everyone assuming that men are way to feeble to even think about birthday cards?

I have a friend who works FT, as does her DH. I suggested that a cleaner would take an enormous amount of pressure off when her mat leave finished (saved my sanity!) She said no, she didn’t need one, her house pretty much kept itself clean and most of the admin jobs took care of themselves, Direct debits were all set etc.

Turned out it was actually her DH doing it all and it hadn’t even occurred to her.

Dh has recently cut his hours and our teens have commented how nice it is to have their dad take them to school, or to swimming etc.

It doesn’t always have to be the mum.

My DD is at high school like the OPs (GCSEs-yay!) was I supposed to be actively engaging in play dates... shit!

After all the sacrifices I've made (willingly and happily) for our children and family
I don't consider things you do willingly and happily sacrifices. It sounds like you got the good part out of you and your oh yet feel entitled to it. If your oh is happy to work FT so you can continue PT good for you hut would you really feel it is your right to continue ft once your kids are at secondary school even if your oh felt exhausted from working FT for years and wanted to drop a day?

If my DH had offered 4 days each I would have bitten his hand off!
As PP advise, the best course of action is to go down to 4 days and then see what the wife wants to do. Put the ball in her court.

Why is everyone assuming that men are way to feeble to even think about birthday cards?

Yes, why is that, do you think?

myrtle Don't be silly now. It's about being there. Knowing where your teens are.

Op please tell us what she does with her one day off? Still unanswered.
Have you considered that if she is already exhausted, pushing her into even more work could cause a complete burn out?
If you actually loved her you wouldn’t risk harming her. We all go through cycles of energy and being able t contribute. In the end we all work together as a team. Some years you will work more, and others years she will. The toll of carrying and delivering children can not be measured, maybe she genuinely is very very exhausted and her body is worn out. Give her a break, support her and when she is feeling stronger she can do the same for you. A good relationship can only thrive when you have each other’s back.

I feel for you. I don’t see why she should have the luxury of 3 days a week and you work full time. I think that sounds completely unfair and I am not surprised you feel a bit resentful. I think you should both work full time or both four days if you can afford it. It should be equal.

It depends on you both OP, you need to talk.
FWIW having a parent at home for kids after school is important. Lots manage without, but it's just managing not ideal.
But we were lucky and worked around children, not our children having to work round our work. There's a huge difference.
I think if you have the choice to have one at home, why not take it? Especially if it's better for your family.

After all the sacrifices I've made (willingly and happily) for our children and family

In this case though the o/p wants to share those “sacrifices”

He isn’t pushing her back to FT, he’s asking if he can also work PT so he can spend time with his kids as well —make sacrifices—

She has said no because she wants more money for holidays.

I don’t think o/p is unreasonable suggesting they both do 4 days- keeping their income level but both then getting the opportunity to work fewer hours.

Why don’t people seem to see a man working pt as an option?