Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

I think most men massively underestimate what goes into running a home. It’s impossible to accurately draw up a list of tasks and split them down the middle. There’s also wife work and emotional labour - google them.

Children at secondary really do benefit from having a parent at home.

Anyway, your posting style gets my back up. You sound like a whinger. Make your wife happy and stop keeping score of everything. It’s not an attractive trait in anyone.

You see listing simple,not pressured,none sequential tasks does make it equal to a job
It really doesn’t. It simply makes it a list of tasks that is in no way equal or as hard as working out of the house

Let’s break this down
Who does all the admin what admin unless your Blenheim palace with staff,what admin! If you mean utility bills,mail,school letters,nursery payment etc.

the birthdays? What about birthdays?set an electronic reminder present from amazon prime,or online shopping.moonpig or Etsy for a card.This doesn’t require an adult at home

The play dates? Yes what of it. Pop it in iPhone,email/txt/WhatsApp the details. Share the journeys with other parents. This doesn’t require an adult at home

The bills? Phone,online standing order or DD. This doesn’t require an adult at home

Christmas? Order online. Invites by email,text or telephone call. This doesn’t require an adult at home

Food shopping? Order online and pick up small items as reqd.with freezers to batch cook and microwave to defrost this isn’t a formidable challenge.This doesn’t require an adult at home

The health appointments for the children? How many and when? Share between both parents . This doesn’t require an adult at home

The emotional support for dc? a parent at home whilst kids a school is not providing support. It’s not like being on call an adult doesn’t need to be home just in case. This doesn’t require an adult at home

@Springwalk I’ve spent the last 3 months off work due to an injury (which is why I want to revisit working part time) and was able to stop the household falling apart when I took over parenting pretty much full time. I can tell you what medication DC take and when, whose friends are ‘in’ this week and have just successfully got my DC2 into a school following an appeal and re-arranged the Sky internet bill after it went up £11 a month (cheeky sods). It’s not rocket science albeit time consuming. None of which can’t be done when I get home from work or during a lunch breaks. Shy of me posting time lapse footage of my day you’ll just have to take my word for it.

You see listing simple,not pressured,none sequential tasks does not make it equal to a job

Oh god. Lets make all about the poor put upon wimmin!
Which of course will enrage the poor put upon wimmin even further.
Give it up @Manclife1. Unfortunately you won't win here because there is no one works harder than us women apparently.

I entirely agree. For taking them to activities if there’s no public transport (like here) and for just being around when they decide to open up about things that are worrying them.

I don't know what school hours are where you all are but mine don't finish school till 4pm everyday, both me and my DH are back to drop them to after school stuff. There's between 1 and 2 hours in between them finishing school and us getting home. Primary School kids finish alot earlier and need actual "baby sitting" this is why, imo, secondary school kids need a parent at home less

This is hilarious. Everyone assuming OP is male so he has to submit audited accounts of all the labour.

@LipstickHandbagCoffee I really agree, how do people think those of us who work full time cope with the 'mental load'. oh the stress of sending birthday cards and setting up direct debits for bills, funny forget the really onerous task of arranging insurance, that always comes up! There is no need for a parent of secondary school age children not to work full time. If you don't want to and don't have to, lovely do what you like but own it!

@MightyDonut I fear you may be right!

Essentially what happens in these threads,sahm defensively list tasks.
List lots of individual,non sequential tasks as if really big jobs that require a sahm
Who the fuck gets caught out by xmas,it’s always 25/12. Not a unplanned event

The tasks listed as wife work are the tasks other folk manage in addition to working

So if the household stuff is split 50:50, and you do the cleaning/cooking in the evening together, so the same amount of time is spent on these tasks by both of you, what does she do on her 2 days 'off' that she has, while the dc are in school?

I also am of the opinion that if we asked your DW, she would say that the tasks are not split 50/50, but she's not here, so we cant. (I admit that i am basing this on both my experience and the research that backs up my experience, but of course, there are always exceptions).

When you discuss the finances/work load with your DW, does she accept that the balance does not seem fair, that you both contribute equally to the running of the house and family and yet you work 5 days to her 3 days?
If she does accept that you split everything 50/50, then she can't complain that she needs to contribute more to the family's finances if she wants to spend more money. Of course, she may say that she would prefer to only work 3 days and not have the holidays, but thats another discussion.

My DP would probably claim he did about 30% of the household tasks aswell, because he does the dishes a couple of times a week or irons a uniform on a Sunday night.
I don't think you have answered the question that someone asked about what your DW does with her time off?

the child is in high school so no childcare will be needed.

My DC are teens but I still like to work around their school day so I can be here when they are. Just because they would be safe on their own doesn't mean they should be left.

@ZippyBungleandGeorge exactly. Me and my DH both work FT, he leaves earlier than me in the morning, the kids leave with me, at the moment they both do after school study so I collect them from that on my way home so we literally all get home the same time, my DH a bit earlier most days.

Red spider, you’re agreeing with me then.kids at high school don’t need a mum sat home

This sounds more like a bit of resentment on your part.

You say she should do more hours so you can go on nice holidays etc

But then you say you'd cut your hours if she upped hers so you still wouldn't afford nice holidays surely as there would still be a pay gap?

I fear you may be right!

Look mine actually does do more than half. So I know these men exist. But I look around my friends and see that he is in a very small minority. And their DHs complain about what they do, even though they don't do what mine does. There is one school dad who makes costumes/bakes/whatever while his wife drinks wine (she tells me gleefully). He made a dragon costume overnight. Apart from him, all the school shitwork we talk about is done by women.

OP isn't telling us their sex despite numerous posts about it.

I’ve spent the last 3 months off work due to an injury (which is why I want to revisit working part time) and was able to stop the household falling apart when I took over parenting pretty much full time. I can tell you what medication DC take and when, whose friends are ‘in’ this week and have just successfully got my DC2 into a school following an appeal and re-arranged the Sky internet bill after it went up £11 a month (cheeky sods). It’s not rocket science albeit time consuming. None of which can’t be done when I get home from work or during a lunch breaks. Shy of me posting time lapse footage of my day you’ll just have to take my word for it.

So, why was the household about to fall apart? Did your DW have to work full time while you were off with an injury? I don't understand why you took over parenting full time?
Also, why have you only just done these tasks over the last 3 months, these tasks have needed to be done for the last x years. Have you been doing them all that time (or at least 50% of them)?
You say you could do them after work, and yet, you haven't been doing so. Perhaps this is why your Dw is reluctant to pick up more days at work, she knows how much extra stuff she does,

Resentment at some faffing at home,but bemoaning their lifestyle.fair enough

She's a selfish piss taker

No @Frankola. Its his wife who wants the holiday, not him.
Kids at high school can be left quite safely. They're not toddlers.

Lipstick I thought you meant after school, so she could do full time hours.

It’s not relevant but I think op is female

If you both work 4 days your overall net household income may well be higher - depending on how much tax you both pay- compared to your current 5:3 split. Might be worth calculating.

Just drop down to 4 days. Quite frankly I have one day off per week and in the day off I manage to clean the house and do the shopping and volunteer at sons school for a couple of hours he’s 6 collect from school do homework/reading and take swimming. With kids At high school age I can’t imagine what she’s doing on the other day.

Totally unfair esp as you wanted for you both to do 4days at the start. She’s had all those years of spending those days with her kids, doing pick ups and drop offs getting to know other parents. This is a joy not a chore.