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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Won’t work but wants money!

626 replies

Manclife1 · 17/05/2019 13:49

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

OP posts:
TacoLover · 18/05/2019 17:33

Of course op has pitched it that way to support his assertion that SHE is being demanding and HE is expected to work hard and pay for it.

Once again it is completely useless to accuse the OP of lying on an advice forum, you have to assume they are telling the truth to give advice otherwise what's the bloody point of any of the AIBU threads?!

And as I keep pointing out school holidays make up half the year nearly, so she will be hardly sitting down ever, whilst they are at home, if they are anything like mine.

And as WE keep pointing out, the OP wants them to work four days each. So one of the days that the wife would work extra, the OP will be at home 'hardly sitting down ever' and looking after the kids. The OP would be doing the apparently extremely exhausting tasks instead of his wife on one of those days...so what you've said is irrelevant, the kids will still be looked after by a parent doesn't really matter if it's the father. Although you probably have a problem with that too don't youHmm

And with the other days she is doing the laundry, which will be considerable, as it is in every busy household and probably doing a million other jobs that need doing every week.

She does laundry ONE day and that is 'considerable' is it? You're just spouting bullshit now...

And he's already said that they split all the other jobs!!

TacoLover · 18/05/2019 17:34

taco and cheese keep going girls, you are getting lots of claps from the men on here. Do you think it makes you sound new age to put down other women?! I am checking out of this thread, and going out to enjoy my evening with my dh who has just done, yes you guessed it, half the housework. You should hang your heads in shame.

Grinfunny how we still don't get an apology for the bullshit you spat out about us being men to try and invalidate our points...

LeaveMyCatOutOfThis · 18/05/2019 17:36

Failing to see why Cheese's mother would be so ashamed 😂😂 Spring, are you okay? You sound a bit unhinged in all this.

LeaveMyCatOutOfThis · 18/05/2019 17:37

going out to enjoy my evening with my dh who has just done, yes you guessed it, half the housework

So if by your own admission your husband does half the housework, why do you have such a difficult time accepting the OP just might as well?

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 18/05/2019 17:38

I don't even care about the original meaning of this post (sorry OP, but imho you are not unreasonable) because this showdown between Springwalk and basically everyone else is epic!
All the undercover men here. wowza

MotherOfCheese · 18/05/2019 17:39

I can confirm that I am not ashamed @cheeseiseverything Grin

Justanotherlurker · 18/05/2019 17:41

Do you think it makes you sound new age to put down other women?!

Says the person who accused 2 other women of being men because they have a different view point!

Now just trying to guilt them as well. This is peak mumsnet.

TacoLover · 18/05/2019 17:41

dh who has just done, yes you guessed it, half the housework

Oh, but haven't you seen that study?! He can't POSSIBLY be doing half of all the tasks! There's no way he does 50%..he has a penis! you poor little wife, I hope you find freedom soonFlowers

cyclingmad · 18/05/2019 17:42

dh who has just done, yes you guessed it, half the housework

But has he done it right and properly and not a half arsed job....Hmm

Grin
huggybear · 18/05/2019 17:42

Some of these comments! You're being taken advantage of ladies. My husband does most of the 'wife work' - manages to buy (good) gifts for his family and sorts all the 'life admin' ... Does 50/50 of cleaning and cooking. Has never complained it's not his job...

ArfursSixpences · 18/05/2019 17:44

My personal 'Husband work':

Home IT technician

Backing up holiday photos (mwahaha)

Putting the bins out

Cooking for the family when I get home

Doing pretty much all the cooking anyway - which I love so it's no chore

Making sure DS goes to bed on time

Giving DS big hugs when he's upset - just like his mother does
Sorting out the bills

Christmas dinner - it's our tradition that DW is not allowed in the kitchen at all and is forced to drink wine while watching tv (to be fair DW is from a Slavic culture so she deals with Christmas Eve)

Loading the dishwasher and emptying it when done

Laundry (DW has no idea how to put the washing machine on)

Sorting out car maintenance

Sorting out car insurance for both of us

Keeping house insurance up to date

Passport renewal

Netflix, Amazon Prime, Now TV, broadband in general.

etc etc

DW is better at organising presents, cards, remembering birthdays, tidying things I don't notice, deciding dates/places for holidays and a whole bloody raft of other stuff she's better at than me.

I could go on - but you get the point? IT'S A FUCKING PARTNERSHIP.

Justanotherlurker · 18/05/2019 17:46

going out to enjoy my evening with my dh who has just done, yes you guessed it, half the housework

According to you, statistically he hasn't done half the housework, he and you have over compensated, I would have a word if I was you...

Cside · 18/05/2019 18:03

keep going girls, you are getting lots of claps from the men on here. Do you think it makes you sound new age to put down other women?!

Crying at the fact that a woman can't disagree with another woman without it being to show off for all the men 😂😂 having a different view point is not putting other women down.

So either you are loaded up with an army of home help and don't lift a finger, or you have just the one child which is pretty effortless lets face it

Wow. You like making your assumptions don't you.

I didn't read that Cheese was saying it isn't difficult. She was saying that lots of people have to do be a parent, run a house and work full time. Why's that so offensive to you? It's bloody true!!

AlaskanOilBaron · 18/05/2019 18:19

There's a particular type of man who seems to get at least an intellectual boner out of coming onto MN and persuading a lot of women to call his wife a cunt and a failure and a useless lazy bitch, so he can show her the thread in the hope of convincing her that she is wrong and other women think she is wrong and must immediately change her ways and obey her master.

Why do you think that the OP is this 'type' of man?

Without a doubt, the SAHM is the hardest job

Really? Is it harder than digging ditches? Delivering groceries? Delivering babies? Making cold sales calls?

AlaskanOilBaron · 18/05/2019 18:22

This is the most remarkable MN thread I've ever read.

DogHairEverywhere · 18/05/2019 19:12

Alaskan how odd, to take a sentence i wrote completely out of context and just quote a part of it, to make your point. I very clearly wrote "in my experience" , then listed a bit of my experience.

Of course there are jobs that are harder than being a sahp. But in my experience i did not find the variety of jobs i had, harder. Just putting a different perspective out there. Not right, or wrong, just my experience.

BigBadBarryatemyboat · 18/05/2019 19:12

I'm sorry spring but you have completely and utterly embarrassed yourself on this thread. I hope any poster who gets advice from you takes it with a pinch of salt because you have a clear agenda and have completely derailed this thread (along with a few others) by adding your own personal slant on what you think the OP means. You have created a background to the OPs life and how they treat their wife simply to disagree and argue.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 18/05/2019 20:51

I reckon Springwalk will be name changing soon after this thread...

But I'm a man, apparently, so nothing I say can be trusted Grin

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 18/05/2019 21:09

This thread it totally 🦇 💩

What is this admin that supposedly take so much time btw?

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 18/05/2019 21:15

Oh and my ovaries may be useless, but I'm a woman btw

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 18/05/2019 21:20

What is this admin that supposedly take so much time btw?

Judging by the lists posted, it's stuff that takes me about six hours a year. All of it.

Fairenuff · 18/05/2019 22:00
Fairenuff · 18/05/2019 22:02

Don't forget the time spent making the lists AnA. That's full time work for a family of 5 dontcha know.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 18/05/2019 22:06

I wouldn't know, lists is wifework and I just found out I'm a man.

cardibach · 18/05/2019 22:19

I’m amazed. On SAHM/WOHM threads we are told that working mums categorically don’t do as much in the home because there’s nobody there in the day to make a mess. Here, though, the cleaning is a minor detail and it’s the mental load which is the real issue - which is something WOHMs must be doing because apparently men can’t. I’ll remember this...
The OP didn’t ask about any of that though - the question was should the wife do another day at work if she wanted to have more money for holidays. Well...obviously she should! Otherwise there’s no money and no holidays.