Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

cheese because women for a millennia women have had to tolerate being forced into wife work for no pay and no recognition, so you have form let’s say of over thousand years of treating women as second class citizens only alive to serve men.
So you can hardly be surprised that when we have op rushing on here to tell us that his wife is lazy and wont work for money (even though she clearly does) and he is the victim of his terrible injustice, it is going to raise a few eyebrows and questions to say the least.
It is not without precedent that some men, not all, believe they are heroically carrying half the load when they are in fact barely scratching the surface.

cheese so your crystal ball is telling you that ops wife isn’t caring a considerable load working three days a week and caring for two children? Is that what you are telling me? One child that has health problems? How the fuck do you know?
Who are you to judge what Is considerable and what isn’t?

say she isn’t doing enough. In HIS opinion.

🙄

Again, have you even read the thread or are you just inclined to spout bullshit to support your 'points'?

He has NEVER said that she wasn't doing enough. He was asking if his wife was unreasonable for complaining that he didn't take her on nice holidays that he cannot afford, whilst also refusing to help him afford this holiday that she wants. He never said that she wasn't doing enough, he did say that he asked her if they could both work four days instead of him 5 and her 3 so that he could spend more time with his family, where she refused. He, however, accepted this but has NEVER said that she isn't doing enough work.

God, some people either seriously lack reading comprehension or are just too blinded by their own prejudice...

op rushing on here to tell us that his wife is lazy and wont work for money (even though she clearly does) and he is the victim of his terrible injustice

Ffs can you read?! He never said she was lazy, he said why won't she work more to be able to afford the holiday she complains about that we cannot have without her working an extra day. You are actually being ridiculous.

so your crystal ball is telling you that ops wife isn’t caring a considerable load working three days a week and caring for two children? Is that what you are telling me?

The children are in SECONDARY ffs it's not like she's running around after them all day on the two days she's off! They're at school! And she and her husband share all domestic duties apart from laundry... Cheese didn't say she doesn't work, said that the husband works more which is entirely correct seeing as they share household duties and he works two days extra a week...

The OP didn't ask about housework, he asked if it was unreasonable for his wife to complain about lack of holidays when she refuses to work more to pay for them. And it is unreasonable. It's the 21st century, we're supposed to be moving towards equality and with that comes the other side of it too being that if she wants a holiday, she is capable of working more to earn one. It isn't her husband's responsibility to support her financially.

It's as much a sexist stereotype to expect the man to go out and take on the financial burden as it is to expect a woman to stay home and do the chores. Nothing I've read on this thread is a reason the wife has to stay home two days a week other than the fact she wants to.

Working full time is too exhausting? Yeah, welcome to the club. I am shattered from my working week but unfortunately I don't get the luxury of deciding not to bother.

MN doesn't work if you start pulling apart every OP. 'She/he could be lying', 'their side of the story could be different', 'the other person isn't here to defend themselves', 'statistics say 80% of people with a penis lie'. We're here to answer the AIBU based on the info we've been given, not make
unfounded speculations or assumptions based on our own experiences or what we believe to be the truth.

I could say to you that I believe the OP does do 50/50 because my H does. That's my experience. I'm not lying to you. You can throw statistics at me about men and housework all day long. It doesn't change the fact that my H does his fair share of housework.

MN doesn't work if you start pulling apart every OP. 'She/he could be lying', 'their side of the story could be different', 'the other person isn't here to defend themselves', 'statistics say 80% of people with a penis lie'. We're here to answer the AIBU based on the info we've been given, not make
unfounded speculations or assumptions based on our own experiences or what we believe to be the truth.

This!

Bold fail

so your crystal ball is telling you that ops wife isn’t caring a considerable load working three days a week and caring for two children?

Well firstly, I didn't say she didn't work or contribute.

Secondly, all I asked was how you concluded that the wife had a considerable workload. Giving examples from the thread and the information we actually have (not just what you think you know), can you actually tell me why you think she has such a considerable workload? You said it in a manner that the OP should be grateful to the 'considerable' amount of work his wife does as if she does more.

In actual fact the OP works two days a week more than his wife does, does 50% of the housework except laundry and the children are in secondary school so not little toddlers that need constant attention or care.

I'm just trying to determine where you've drawn your conclusion from that she has a considerable workload given that you actually know fuck all more about the situation other than what the OP has said which doesn't make it sound that considerable at all.

your crystal ball

You are the only one who seems to have a crystal ball given your refusal to believe anything the OP says. Clearly you think you know more about what's going on.

The OP could post "am not sure what to buy my lovely wife for her birthday present" and Springwalk would be furiously typing away complaining that the OP clearly didn't understand or appreciate their wife enough and all she contributes to the world because the OP had to resort to asking strangers what to buy her so clearly knew nothing about the wife's desires and interests.... A few posts later Spring would recharacterise this as the OP prevaricating about buying any present at all for his hard pressed still recovering from birth 11 years ago wife who is worth much more than the OP.

Just typical men on here like Taco and Cheese willing to make the op sound like a victim, in reality he is the one pushing others (The holiday is a red herring, who hasn't longed for a gorgeous holiday every now and then)

Children don't need looking after apparently after eleven years old according to you two, well thats news to me!!!
I would say my pre teens and teens are FAR more demanding than toddlers by a country mile. If you even have children, I suggest you spend some time with them, and then come back and say they are totally independent of needs and don't need to be fed, clothed, helped with homework, picked up and dropped off all the time, see friends, emotionally supported, or looked after in any way. And you have very conveniently forgotten they aren't even in school for nearly half the year!!

Seriously.

And yes op has been very vocal about his opinion about her working hours actually if you read the actual thread, by describing her as 'taking the piss' first post. I suggest you both learn to read.

HE has said she is demanding holidays, but she may have just mentioned how nice it would be in passing for all you know, and that is most likely given that he is already put it to her very boldly indeed that he isn't prepared to work for her holidays. Not exactly a shrinking violet our op.

All the way through the entire thread, it is littered with his complaints about her!!! How she chooses not to work, how she feels she will be too exhausted to work even more. Quite frankly raising children, as you would know if you tried it occasionally, is very very exhausting whatever age they are!

Op doesn't have to provide nice holidays, op doesn't need to work 40 hours a week, op doesn't need to do anything if he so chooses, but he is trying to force his wife into taking on more than she can reasonably cope with (and has stated so) comes across as controlling and abusive to me. The fact that loads of men have bulldozed this thread to defend him is a case in point.

Just typical men on here like Taco and Cheese

I am not a man 😂😂😂😂😂😂 just because I don't agree with you doesn't make me a bloke.

Children don't need looking after apparently after eleven years old according to you two, well thats news to me!!!

They don't require a parent sat at home whilst they are in school...

but he is trying to force his wife into taking on more than she can reasonably cope with (and has stated so) comes across as controlling and abusive to me

For the millionth time, the OP asked if his wife was unreasonable for wanting more holidays without being willing to work more to pay for them. He isn't forcing his wife to do anything. I think OP is being forced to continue 5 days a week work when he wants to do 4 because his wife refuses to pick up an extra day so he can. OP can't just do it anyway because they still have bills to pay which they can't afford unless they both work 4 days.

The fact that loads of men have bulldozed this thread to defend him is a case in point

I AM NOT A MAN. Another assumption you've jumped to with no fact.

Quite frankly raising children, as you would know if you tried it occasionally, is very very exhausting whatever age they are!

Yeah, and I do it whilst working full time OH MY GOD

Spring, you sound like an utter fruit loop.

I would say my pre teens and teens are FAR more demanding than toddlers by a country mile. If you even have children, I suggest you spend some time with them, and then come back and say they are totally independent of needs and don't need to be fed, clothed, helped with homework, picked up and dropped off all the time, see friends, emotionally supported, or looked after in any way. And you have very conveniently forgotten they aren't even in school for nearly half the year!!

You do realise most parents do this whilst working still?? High school aged children do not need a SAHP.

And if OP reduced to 4 days a week and his wife upped to 4, there would still be a parent available for two days a week like there is now. Just that for one of the days it would be dad instead of mum. I suspect you'll have a problem with that as well though.

I was just about to post that spring sounds deranged.

I haven’t Rtft. It’s long.

But the wife sounds lazy and I agree that if she wants nice holidays she needs to get up off her ass and do more for them. OP if I were you I’d be tempted to go down to 4 days and tell her it’s up to her how she responds.

Just typical men on here like Taco and Cheese willing to make the op sound like a victim

you can literally search my posting history if you want to, I am a 38 year old woman unfortunately for you. Doesn't mean I will automatically take the wife's side. You are really making yourself look like a fucking idiot here by yelling "oh the men! Taking his side! Misogyny!" when cheese and I aren't even male

Quite frankly raising children, as you would know if you tried it occasionally, is very very exhausting whatever age they are!

But they do the same amount of childcare apart from those few hours after school where they come home on 2 days where OP's wife doesn't work... why is it that the wife is so clearly exhausted from doing a few hours extra childcare(which isn't exactly running around for 5 hours with two secondary aged children) but the OP isn't allowed to be exhausted from doing two extra days at work?

but he is trying to force his wife into taking on more than she can reasonably cope with (and has stated so) comes across as controlling and abusive to me.

Would you like to guide us man idiots to where he is trying to force his wife to take on more work??? Asking someone to do four days instead of three so that he can spend more time with his family is abusive now?!?!?

YANBU OP - I can never understand when both parents have the same profession and therefore earning potential why they don't both go 4 days rather than the father continuing to work FT while the mother drops to 2 or 3 days a week

Obviously if both parties are 100% happy with the above arrangement then fine but clearly that isn't the case for the OP

If I was the OP I would drop my days hours to 4 days and continue to do 50% of household tasks/childcare

If the OP's wife isn't happy with the drop in family income she has the option to increase her hours

I think saying the wife is 'lazy' is going too far. I don't think she is, she's just got used to the way things are and values her 2 days off.

Hopefully they can sort it out, with each doing 4 days, which is a great compromise.

cheese Your mother would be so proud reading your post. What a nice person you have turned out to be

For the 100th time, saying you want a nice holiday, and demanding one are completely different. Of course op has pitched it that way to support his assertion that SHE is being demanding and HE is expected to work hard and pay for it. Of course he would say that, but he has already told her no, so he is not exactly lamely following her orders, she has said she can't do it, and he has said he refuses to do it. So thats that, no nice holidays!

And as I keep pointing out school holidays make up half the year nearly, so she will be hardly sitting down ever, whilst they are at home, if they are anything like mine. And with the other days she is doing the laundry, which will be considerable, as it is in every busy household and probably doing a million other jobs that need doing every week.

Of course you are SO MUCH better than op's wife, you manage to have loads of children, work full time, have no household help whatsoever and you can still keep going!!! Well bully for you.
Back in the real world it is completely and utterly knackering keeping all the balls in the air, and guess what you have no understanding of this whatsoever. So either you are loaded up with an army of home help and don't lift a finger, or you have just the one child which is pretty effortless lets face it.

Given you are so happy to berate another mother for not being able to work longer hours to provide nice holidays for her family, kind of says everything about the sort of person you are.

Back in the real world it is completely and utterly knackering keeping all the balls in the air ... So either you are loaded up with an army of home help and don't lift a finger, or you have just the one child which is pretty effortless lets face it.

What a load of shit. I know loads of women who work, don’t have any help at home and have more than one child. It’s not unusual in any way.

he has said he refuses to do it. So thats that, no nice holidays!

....you actual lunatic the WHOLE POINT of this thread is that they CANNOT AFFORD a holiday unless she works more to be able to afford it! He hasn't bloody said no, it's literally impossible for him to spend money that they don't have?!

Have you had several drinks this afternoon?

taco and cheese keep going girls, you are getting lots of claps from the men on here. Do you think it makes you sound new age to put down other women?! I am checking out of this thread, and going out to enjoy my evening with my dh who has just done, yes you guessed it, half the housework. You should hang your heads in shame.

springwalk your track record on making assumptions (Taco/Cheese being men) isn't great so if I were you I'd hold off making further assumptions - such as decrying the likelihood of posters being parents just because their experience is different to yours, and now saying they only way others can cope is if they have loads of help or just one child.

In fact, your behaviour on this thread is actually quite unsettling, your anger and sense of righteous indignation is out of proportion. Perhaps you should step away and take some time to self care.

Jesus Christ there's no point carrying on, you clearly are in your own bubble. I'll leave you to it.