Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

There are plenty of possibilities but he certainly isn’t forced to work 40hours a week.

Er... he's asked her to work an extra day and she said no. He's already tried to communicate. If he cuts down his work hours then he won't be able to pay the bills. How is he supposed to work fewer hours then? And no, splitting up is a shitty suggestion, because if he came back saying he'd chosen to split up with his wife then you'd call him every name under the sun wouldn't youhe can't actually do anything right in your eyes.

He coud chose to reduce his spending and his lifestyle and adjust it to him working 4 days rather than 5.

Again, why is it that the wife is allowed to make a unilateral decision over who works what times and he has to be the one to adjust his lifestyle and make sacrifices to have the same things that his wife gets without having to change anything? He's subsidising her lifestyle by working extra days, why should he be the one to sacrifice more so that he can, as he said, spend time with his own family??

Like the idea that NO ONE has a clear idea of how they actually really contributing to the work of the house/parenting etc...?

People do actually know how much they contribute to the household, many do. What a ridiculous and sweeping statement to make. Are you saying you have no idea how much you contribute??

I'm sure the OP knows better than you, a random stranger on the internet, what he does and doesn't do. Which is why it's so ridiculous that you kept accusing him of not doing 50/50...which is stupid because the amount of housework either of them do IS IRRELEVANT TO THE ORIGINAL AIBU ANYWAY! He was asking if she was unreasonable to complain about having no holidays yet refuse to help him afford the holiday. Not whether he is doing enough in the house or not.

I hope your poor wife is planning to leave you as she can’t justify your existence any longer, then you get to do 100% of the donkey work pal. Point scoring against yourself all the way.

Oh do stop with the hysteria. Poor wife, still recovering from childbirth that was 11 years ago, completely exhausted? Where on earth are you getting all this from, other than your own fevered imagination?

Yes totally I would, especially if they were a condescending twat getting their jollies of over their spouse being belittled and not giving them any redeeming qualities whatsoever, whilst at the same time making out they are perfection personified!

I hope your poor wife is planning to leave you as she can’t justify your existence any longer

To be fair, someone on this thread used checking product reviews as an example of the mental load

That's exactly what I was thinking. I don't think I've ever seen someone post complaining the op was letting folks slag their cock lodger of a husband off.

Apparently having children entitles some women to sit on their arses as much as possible and as they please for the rest of their lives.

Yes totally I would, especially if they were a condescending twat getting their jollies of over their spouse being belittled and not giving them any redeeming qualities whatsoever

Where on an AIBU post about their partner have you seen people listing redeeming qualities about their partners?? Oh, AIBU to think my partner should pick me up tomorrow, here are his redeeming qualities though. AIBU to think my partner might be cheating? Although he's really sweet in general and a good cook.why would you do that in a negative AIBU post?? You're clutching at straws to try and smear the OP.

And where has he been getting his jollies over people belittling his wife? Do tell...

To be fair, someone on this thread used checking product reviews as an example of the mental load

To most people including me it's bollocks.

For another woman it can be absolutely true, if she has to justify every single purchase, justify the cost and choice of it, if she has no input or opinion from her partner but is blamed and berated if anything goes wrong or something similar is cheaper or whatever.

Cocklodger as in doing nothing? Whether Male or female, fairplay. But presumably in this case the ops other half actually does something, from what I've read the OP has never given her one ounce of kudos, just let people pull her down, if it was reversed I'd have exactly the same thoughts

Where on an AIBU post about their partner have you seen people listing redeeming qualities about their partners

Sadly enough nearly all posts from (especially abused ) women on here mention how much of a good dad,provider or otherwise husband their partner is. How they do x or y (bare minimum) and that somehow should be enough to mitigate the bad. Not to mention "but I love him"...

Funnily enough not once did OP mention love when talking about his wife.

Hysteria? Like calm down dear, it is a very patronising comment, but one that I certainly won’t take personally. Fortunately for you.
However you certainly can’t be accused of supporting the sisterhood! Still we don’t actually need people like you luckily.

Dp can run his wife into the ground and you will still be cheering him on, clapping all the way. Well done you alexa

For another woman it can be absolutely true, if she has to justify every single purchase, justify the cost and choice of it, if she has no input or opinion from her partner but is blamed and berated if anything goes wrong or something similar is cheaper or whatever.

That is true. But also sounds like an abusive relationship so that poster should get some help via Women's Aid or another charity. However, mental load doesn't refer to unreasonable activities that your partner emotionally abuses you into doing. It refers to all the small/big things that you have to think of in day to day life that you do normally to run a household/raise children. I don't think being forced to check product reviews by your partner counts as part of your mental load, personally. Tbh that post was a bit ridiculous, that poster was most likely trying to think of more items to lengthen her list.

your love doesn’t feature in ops barren world of clock watching it’s all about the size of the pay cheque.

Dp can run his wife into the ground and you will still be cheering him on, clapping all the way. Well done you alexa

What is he actually asking her to do that will run her into the ground? Work one extra day? Which is incidentally actually a day less than he is working right now??

it’s all about the size of the pay cheque.

Have you even read this thread???? It's the WIFE who is complaining about the lack of money for a better holiday ffs

Sadly enough nearly all posts from (especially abused ) women on here mention how much of a good dad,provider or otherwise husband their partner is. How they do x or y (bare minimum) and that somehow should be enough to mitigate the bad.

You're saying that unfortunately, many abused women praise their partners on AIBU to mitigate the bad stuff. You're saying that abused women compliment their shitty partners and suggest that they should not do so.

That...somehow means that the OP should compliment his wife? Did you read what you wrote before you posted it?

Have you even read this thread???? It's the WIFE who is complaining about the lack of money for a better holiday ffs

Yeah but Taco, he's a man so obviously lying because STATISTICS. He's the evil owner of a penis and a set of balls and so therefore everything he writes is lies, LIES I TELL YOU.

Why shouldn't OPs wife get more extravagant holidays? He only has to work full time and still to half the housework, she has to do laundry (which is a full time job y'know).

but one that I certainly won’t take personally. Fortunately for you.

Oh Springwalk. Stop it. You’re scaring me. 😂😂😂

And the poster still hasn't said whether economies would allow him to reduce his working hours anyway. Otherwise this is only a discussion he/she can have with their wife. There is really very little we can do to change the wife's mind

love doesn’t feature in ops barren world of clock watching it’s all about the size of the pay cheque

It's the wife that's bothered about money, OP wants to spend more time at home with his family

It's such a shame. I always find posters so helpful, resourceful and giving good, constructive advice....until a man posts. Then it just turns to a shitshow with a few posters frantically scrambling to pick apart the OP and list reasons as to why his wife couldn't possibly be in the wrong.

Word of advice OP. Next time you post, name change and switch genders. Say it's your husband that's doing x y or z and I guarantee you'll get a far better and more helpful response.

Just read the first page. People actually having the gaul to type out and post "well we only have one side of the story here". How can you be so transparent? I'm a fan of MN so far, but some of the responses to this thread are like parallel universe red pil incel nonsense.

I think that the majority of posters agree that OP's wife is unreasonable. There are just one or two posters that are falling over themselves to find a reason defend the wife and criticise OP.

Just read the first page. People actually having the gaul to type out and post "well we only have one side of the story here

I know. Looking forward to seeing those posters say the same thing to the next woman who has a problem with her H. Oh, except they won't.

Because sides and perspective does matter.

Depending on how i presented things I can make OH appear like a complete dick, nearly abusive and neglectful partner and father.

Or focus on the good things and make him sound like the most amazing partner ever.

The truth is somewhere in the middle for both of us.

Because sides and perspective does matter

So you'll obviously be saying the same thing on all other AIBU posts from now on yes??

Depending on how i presented things I can make OH appear like a complete dick, nearly abusive and neglectful partner and father

Yeh me too. And if I did, not a single poster would be saying 'hmm I wonder what your husbands side of the story is', because only women are ever taken at face value on MN.

Every single post could be made up bullshit. A poster discussing their abusive marriage could actually be the abuser in real life. We have no idea. All we can do is offer opinions based on what we are told. There wouldn't be many useful threads if everyone questioned the OP constantly. It's only ever when it's a man that posters are unable to believe it.

taco it means putting her down. He had said precisely nothing of love, he has not acknowledged her considerable work load only to say she isn’t doing enough. In HIS opinion. No one else’s. He could be supremely unreasonable for all we know.
We would hear a very different side to the story if his wife had a voice of that I am certain. But she can’t defend herself, and would probably be devastated to read this thread. Someone has got to balance things out, and look at her point of view, as op certainly hasn’t offered a full picture.

It is a poor reflection on you and your environment if you have misunderstood my post. Fortunately for you I am known for being incredibly level headed so your lame accusations of mass hysteria miss the mark entirely alexa

considerable work load

I'm not saying the wife doesn't contribute but what is so considerable about her workload to you?? You do realise that OP works more in this scenario don't you?

But she can’t defend herself

Soooo.... like the partners of every single other poster who complains about their OH on here? Posts moaning about husband's, friends, family, neighbours, whoever take up 90% of AIBU. I've never seen you get so irate about the lack of defense for the other partyon any of those. I must have missed you.