Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

Exactly Lola. Some of these jobs are really pastime choices, things to do. They are things that will take as much headspace as you are happy to give them, and most of the time no one but you notices when they are not done!

LipstickHandbagCoffee

My inactivity? Big assumption to make there given that you know absolutely nothing about me.

My day starts at 6am and finishes at 9pm, including what you would probably classify as an acceptable job. I do all the 'wifework' on top of that, so hardly inactive.

I just have a bit more respect for the time it takes to run a home when you have multiple children. Unlike you.

@YukoandHiro try reading my previous posts. I ran the household for 3 months, I know what’s on the ‘list’.

Manclife1

You were too ill to work for those 3 months though?

Good luck op. If your dw has anxiety etc, then I do sympathise but otherwise, everything that subsequent posters talk about in respect of household tasks, we do without any thought alongside FT stressful careers. Yes the garden gets maintained when we're home and can be bothered. Appts get made (usually in the car in between work meetings), food gets cooked by one whilst the other does a quick tidy and laundry, holidays get booked and presents get purchased (normally on the sofa on-like after dinner when one or both of us will invariably have to sacrifice MN or football time 😉). I just wonder whether we prioritise differently and make choices on the back of the time we have? Ie we both have hobbies and have shared interests we do on a weekend also, and the more time you have, the more you feel obliged to do?! A former friend I knew hoovered and mopped floors every day. That would never happen in our house. That's a weekend task with the odd sweep and tidy after work.
Seriously people, If you can't stand the drudgery of domestic life, and really think being home cleaning is tougher than work, change it. Work FT and get a cleaner. Honestly, everything else will get done. You'll just place a different emphasis on the stuff you used to fixate on!

Are there households where the woman picks up a disproportionate amount of shit and the man walks around with blinkers on? Course there are, and in those situations it's unfair and doing everything domestically can add up to a fair bit of work. But if your kids are school age then the at home stuff is not a full time job, or even close to it.

And the assumption that op's wife must be some poor downtrodden woman whose husband does nothing is based on bugger all. Even if he is doing less than the full 50% he says, she's working 2 full days less at the moment!

Magic,your emphasis has been on wifework and arduous tasks
Do I have Multiple kids? yes I have the CS scars too

It's one of those where there's no way of knowing for sure what each party does in the home, what the pressures and load on the dw are and if the OP is grossly mistaken as to how much he does.

@Graphista your inferences are way of the mark. The medical issues my kids have are more ailments and I was off due to a physical injury like a broken wrist so not ‘laid up’. Your other inferences are just as poor.

LipstickHandbagCoffee

There's no need to be dramatic. I really don't want to see your caesarean scars thank you.

Gosh some people really like to see themselves as the pinnacle of womanhood don’t they

OP you ran a household fully on your own for 3 months with a broken wrist?

OP you're having a hard time. Time to chat properly and see where her thoughts lie. Good luck.

JacquesHammer

Gosh some people really like to see themselves as the pinnacle of womanhood don’t they.

This thread is bizarre. Not sure why we can't just believe OP that they're doing the stuff they say they are, people do. Even if the split isnt 100% equal it seems unlikely the DW is spending 16 extra hours a week doing house stuff currently so it's pretty unfair. If that was my wife I would be resentful.

CS scars It’s a statement of fact,not dramatic in the least
Did I offer you pictures,or details, no I did not.no need to indulge in hyperbole
Being dramatic? Not as dramatic as declaring Christmas a national planning emergency

My issue is with you reducing paid work to nothing and acting like all the "mental load" is in the kind of tasks that have been listed over the last few pages.

I haven't done that on this or on any other thread.

In fact, in my very first post on this thread i stated how much OP does in the house is irrelevant as the issue seems to be finances and lack of luxuries.

I also posted that I don't do half the stuff on one particular list, either because OH contributes or neither of us give a shit about them.

It doesn't mean that mental load isn't real and a lot of women are expected to do everything (including work sometimes) and get no recognition or acknowledgement of it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee

Not as dramatic as declaring Christmas a national planning emergency

Dramatic much? Show me the post where anyone said as much. And the hyperbole on this thread is all yours.

Go back,peruse thread. Posters emphatic xmas huge planning event
Xmas is Not just a few clicks,no Siree. Xmas the zenith of wifework

YourSarcasmIsDripping Okay, I think I see. When you said some men go to work and that's "all" I thought you were dismissing that mental load. But if I misread then I agree with what you're saying.

I think people need to calm down a bit. What's everyone getting in a tiz about? Weird thread.

LipstickHandbagCoffee

You're paraphrasing of course. No one ever said those things, simply just said Christmas isn't just a few clicks on the Internet (which it isn't)

no Siree. Xmas the zenith of wifework

Hyperbole.

@MagicKingdomDizzy The injury I had was ‘like’ having a broken wrist. As in not debilitating. It prevented me from doing my paid role it didn’t make me incapable of doing basic household chores with the aid of some prescription pain killers and a heat pack. I was injured no paralysed from the neck down for goodness sake.

As I said,I’ll say it again.Go back

Read were I was asked what planet was I on regard chrismas It’s not a click exercise (apparently)