Won’t work but wants money!

[Manclife1]

So, wife and I work in similar jobs, for similar length of time, for same pay and career opportunities. Wife works part time (3 day week) following the birth of our children which was her choice as I wanted us both work a 4 day week and split childcare 50/50.

Youngest goes to high school September and so she no longer needs to pick up/drop off and can go back full time. However, she’s refusing to do so as working a full week would be ‘too exhausting’. In the same breath she’s complaining that we can’t afford nice holidays etc.

AIBU to think shes taking the piss? I’d love to reduce my hours and spend more time with her and the kids but can’t while she’s working so few hours.

PS household tasks split 50/50 apart from laundry which she does on days off.

Magic,I don’t think you’re argumentative ,I think you’ve fallen into trap of listing tasks
Overstating the time & effort of tasks making it seem more demanding than it is

Looking for the best deals on household items needed, knowing when relevant sales are on etc
Checking product reviews
Household bills admin

⬆️⬆️ All undertaken online
You are not traipsing around looking in store windows ,writing down prices
Reviews,you’re reading online. You’re not in a draughty library reading
Household bills,all online by app,or phone.set up DD

yet single people do all of this mental work, wife work and go to work all by themselves and dont moan about it. Quite frankly i'd feel like I'd won the lottery if I had a partner right now and he only did 10-20% of this work or I could just employ a cleaner and a gardener, take the car to a hand wash and have more time to do naff all

Yes well said cycling. It's just life, it fits around work.

Nobody's saying that editing and backing up photos is a time consuming job that prevents you having a ft job, but it does take time to go through the pics , deleting the rubbish, so the back ups are not just cluttered. And if it's important to you that it should be done, then someone has to do it, along with all the other stuff. Yes, it might only take 20 mins once a week, but 3 of those types of job adds up to an hour.

Meal planning - DD plans her every other week,I cook just for me and her , OH cooks for himself.

Birthday and Christmas present shopping for all relatives and friends I only buy for DD and OH,rarely a friend if see them on the day.

Keeping track of children's clothes, shoes, PE kit for what needs (constantly) replacing according to size and season - OH does shoes as needed ,I do uniform and buy big.

School admin - I do most of this ,OH adds things on the calendar or reminds me if he gets texts/emails. Also buys shit/brings in cash for this day or that day.

After-school activities planning - booked termly or arranged adhoc.

Weekend and holiday planning and budgeting- should we go to x? Yeah..sorted by whomever suggested it.

Household bills admin - all DD

Decluttering - I do it with DD during each holiday(OH does the dump trip)

Organising healthcare - ermm ring gp/dentist if there's an issue?

Updating calendars and planners - during the holidays,we both add to it

Editing and backing up family photographs - that's what FB is for

Selling clothes and household items - I do this

Looking for the best deals on household items- not really

needed, knowing when relevant sales are on etc- boxing day is the only one we really take notice of

Checking product reviews - nope,unless it's something big and expensive

Many other not every day cleaning jobs such as deep cleaning cupboards, cleaning washing machine, washing sofa covers, windows etc - once a year? Twice if he also decides to randomly do it. Three times if my mum comes over.

Jesus with all these list of jobs I am wondering how people manage if both parents work full time

All this stuff needing a sah or part time mum (always the mum).

I don’t know how are lives aren’t falling apart, as DH obviously won’t be doing it, being a man. He’ll be off cycling on his “days off” no doubt. Maybe I do it in my sleep?

O/p is perfectly within his or her rights to reduce hours. Like their wife was. The wife doesn’t like the lack of holidays? She can do more hours.

I know so many women like this who see it as their “right” to work part time. If their husbands also want to, that is not on. They want the money and the part time job.

And then complain when their partner doesn’t do true 50:50.

Again, why is it so unreasonable for a man to go PT to spend more time parenting, but it’s not only a womans right, but also her “sacrificing” for her family.

If it’s such a fucking sacrifice, and your husband is volunteering, let him do the sacrificing. No? Thought not....

LipstickHandbagCoffee

Each task alone, no. But collectively, everything I do that my husband doesn't takes up a heck of alot of time. I'm just saying that her days off aren't necessarily 'days off'. And if everything is truly split equally then a 4 day week each does seem the way to go.

However, this whole thread is a bit of a pointless exercise given that Mumsnet posters have no say in whether his wife will or will not work out of the home an extra day. OP has already made up their mind that the wife is being unreasonable and lazy. Without full insight into their lives it's impossible to say if this is true or not.

And let's be honest, most posts are written with a bias towards the poster....

@MagicKingdomDizzy. I suppose she does all the D.I.Y, gardening, car maintenance, decorating etc too.
50 / 50 doesn't necessarily just mean housework and childcare.
Most women I know wouldn't know a chuck from a router. They think a spirit level is what you measure spirits out with and a jigsaw is something old people put together.

20 minutes a week to edit photos?

Maybe just take less.

Backing up photos automatically via the cloud = 2 seconds to switch it on, once, ever!

MightyDonut

Most women I know wouldn't know a chuck from a router. They think a spirit level is what you measure spirits out with and a jigsaw is something old people put together

Nice sexist opinion you have there.

(I sort through photos on my phone when I'm stuck doing nothing things like waiting for the gp or something)

Backing up family photos 😂😂

@MagicKingdomDizzy. You call it sexist, I call it honest.

Anyone this has been a laugh and a half I am off to sugar soap some walls so they are ready for me to paint tomorrow - oh no woe is me for being a woman and having to do this its so exhausting after my day at work but ah feck it when your single you just get on with it and do it do i get some mumsnet points for doing this

Jesus with all these list of jobs I am wondering how people manage if both parents work full time

I know or single people working full time.

The lists do make me laugh though. Most people just get on with it. I saw a post the other day re people making out household admin etc was like being a CEO and they can't possibly be expected to work or go full time as well.

Every single task listed here,dp and I undertake.we both work FT and undertake those tasks
Wifework is a total scam and a list of tasks
And no Christmas & birthday parties aren’t that onerous.and yes can be largely done on line

I guess some people have lower stamina. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. OP - maybe you are better able to tolerate your work environment better than DW, so it may be easier for you. You are a team. Being calculating about time will build resentment.

I do sympathise because obviously holidays are a luxury and it sounds like she is prioritising that over your own well being. I’d advise having a good non-accusatory chat with her. Find out her reasons. Maybe she should change career to something Less stressful (i’m Trying to do this at the moment).

Every single task listed here,dp and I undertake.we both work FT and undertake those tasks

You keep posting this like you want a gold star

I wouldn’t want to work full time and do all the household stuff. I like my downtime too much!

"School admin"?! What is all this nonsense I read. We both work full time. The children get fed, watered and to school on time. The house is cleaned and maintained. It really isn't such a big deal. When I read about the so called "mental load" I wonder if these people actually work, as mental load is what I have from my career and the level of responsibility. Paying for school dinners on-line and making sure DC have a uniform really isn't that traumatic.

OP yes you both should work full time or reduced hours, if funds allow. If this isn't something DW will ever agree to it doesn't matter what any of us think. So what are you going to do about it?@Manclife1

I didn’t ask you to explain your work pattern jacques,but you did
As For as working FT yup,so long as folk post lists I’ll explain the tasks are no biggie and can be undertaken with 2 adults working ft
I’ll gladly take the gold star and process under my household admin, confer myself a gold star. Make a certificate

Yes, what are you going to do about it?

It really bugs me when posters assume man must be overstating his share of the chores if he says it's 50:50. My DH does more than me most weeks and he isn't rare by any means unless I have a wierd bunch of friends and family. He nearly 60, grew up with a martyr mother and didn't want the same for his family.

confer myself a gold star

Don’t worry, I get the impression you do that regularly