just been accused of exploiting my niece

[AvocadoApple]

i have asked my 26 year old niece to look after my 1yr old dc (between 5pm and 6:30pm and weekends)in return for food, shelter, clothing, for herself and her 6yr old dc school needs
her mother (my aunt) has just rang me to accuse me of exploiting her DD

Ps: my aunt kicked her out about 3 years ago after she failed to find employment so she has been living different partners since then until the beginning of the year when i took her and her dc in

do i ask my niece to leave and find myself a nanny or should i tell my aunt to fuck off?

Why do trust someone to look after your couple, when you dint trust then to look after their own?

It sounds like you both get a good deal from this situation. If you are saving loads on childcare then you might want to give her a few pounds extra to spend as she wishes.

Totally missed that your child is 1 year old, that’s so much harder work, you cannot take your eye off them for a second.
Therefore the now 45 minutes in the morning, 2 hours in the evening and possibly 24+ hours (don’t know what tine commute you have) is a lot of hours. However I do understand you have provided a roof, food and clothing for child.
However, particularly on the weekends you have her in charge, I would give her extra money. A whole weekend of a 1 year old and 6 year old must be exhausting.
It also shows you appreciate her and trust her with money. It’s the decent thing to do.

The point about the morning care isn’t how onerous it is, but it does mean she has to be in the house and this limits her employment opportunities as she has to be available to you morning, evening and weekends.

It’s not exploitation exactly, but it does limit your nieces other options, which is where it starts to feel uncomfortable. She couldn’t choose to work elsewhere without losing the right to live at your house.

OP I imagine that by asking a predominantly UK message board you're getting replies based on ideals and legislation rather than your making the best of the situations both of you find yourselves in and given what you have to work with.

You have a small child and you have debts and bills to manage. Your niece has a young child, no job, no home and no support from either other family or a partner.

No denying it is infantilizing her not to hand over wages for the work she's doing, however, it seems you have bonefide concerns that she's unable to handle cash sensibly and make sure she and her child have the basics they need at this stage.

If she didn't do this childcare for you then you couldn't work the hours you do to earn the money that helps her out.

If your sister disapproves and thinks you're exploiting her what does she suggest instead to help help daughter and grandchild?

Best case scenario is that your niece matures and returns to education, hopefully with your continued support.

I think that two 12-13 hour days two weekends per month, plus 7.5 hours in the week, probably adds to about 90 hours per calendar month (based on a month being 4.5 weeks, which is roughly correct.

13x2= 26 x 2.25 = 58.5
1.5x 5=7.5 x 4.5 weeks = 33.75

58.5 + 33.75 =92.25 per calendar month , or just over 21 hours per week.

Aupairs are usually expected to do up to 25 hours a week. They have free board and lodging, and spending money of £70-85 a week (government recommendations).

I think you are underpaying if she gets no spending money at all, and little choice in what she buys.

most of my decisions are based on the welfare of her child

That's not your job.

If she's not reliable and responsible enough to be trusted with the welfare of her own child why on earth are you trusting her with yours?

She's either trustworthy or she's not.

You can't reasonably treat her like a daft child on the one hand, but also expect her to provide a considerable amount of care for your young child on the other and not expect people to question it.

Witholding cash for months on end won't help you see if she's responsible or not. It just delays the process. The only thing it does do is make her beholden to you, which is not a pleasant situation really.

Do she and her child have a bedroom of their own? I think this also would have a bearing. I mean one they share. Not one each. If they’re dossing on the sofa / floor that’s not good long term and ideally you’d be renting a place big enough for all of you if at all possible financially if this continued.

how many nurses do you know of in africa?
just because its not a problem you wouod encounter in your country does not mean it does not take

I am of Kenyan origin. Half my family are nurses, doctors, and other associated medical professionals.

Yes I feel it is exploiting. Would be better if you provided board and food and then paid her on top for the hours she does similar to an au pair situation. You should also be clear about the hours and when you expect her to be free (and not expect her to keep herself free outside of this) so that she can find other work rather than provide free childcare for you.

I just wonder when you ever see your child? I also do not know how you got your sister mixed up as your aunt.

And finally it's exploitation.

Sounds like an arrangement that could work for both of you if agreed properly and done fairly.

I'm confused as to when you spend quality time with your LO though if you are working all day mid week and then on average every other weekend. Do you offer to have her LO sometimes so she has some time to herself?

I agree that she needs to be paid in money and she can have the control of what she spends it on. You have the flexibility of live in help so she needs paying whether you think she manages her money or not :)

I don't think it sounds exploitive although maybe it would be better to give some some pocket money. I also think it should be a short term plan that's reviewed soon.

I don't know what the bad choices were that your niece made but if they were drug/gambling or out of control spending then not giving her money makes more sense.

Would it be possible for you to put a little away for her each week so that she is building up a pot of money for herself.
Her helping out with childcare while staying in your house sounds normal for some households in Africa (at least it was very typical in the area I lived)

Who did all your childcare before your niece needed help? This is all very convenient for you and, IMO, very restrictive for your niece as regards her getting back on her feet. It probably serves you well to keep her working for you without any cash, any chance of getting a job and moving on with her own life.

I've just googled "exploitation" because I don't really get it as a concept. In my world, if two people have an arrangement, and neither have been dishonest in the process of creating that arrangement, then there is nothing morally wrong with the arrangement.

And yet I know that people use the word "exploitation" to describe any situation that they disapprove of.

Google told me exploitation is "the action or fact of treating someone unfairly in order to benefit from their work."

Fairness is a fairly subjective concept. Whenever I hear a politician use that word they are usually using it to mean the exact opposite of what I think it should mean, in the particular context.

I don't think "fairness" is a meaningful concept, unless the alleged lack of it is in relation the employee not having full information about what they were signing up for.

Further googling led me to a UK government web site which explained in simple terms what modern slavery (in the UK) looks like. A person from a poor background signs up for a "job" in which the terms and conditions turn out to be nothing like they expected. They are prevented from leaving by illicit or coercive means.

OP has not been dishonest about the terms of her job, she is not doing anything illicit or coercive to prevent niece leaving.

I think that given the OP is working 60 - 84 hours per week in a demanding job, then the niece covering the wrap around childcare is fair. This will allow her the day time hours to go back to college and get some qualifications.

However, I do think that the niece should be paid in hard cash for the weekends so she has some money of her own. How much she is paid is harder to determine, as OP is also covering the costs of raising the niece’s child and we don’t know how far the OPs earnings stretch in terms of food/accommodation/clothing etc.

I’m more concerned at the OP dropping from exhaustion if she has to work 7-7 for 12 days straight!

AvocadoApple

I can see where the accusations of exploitation are coming from as your niece (whatever) is wholly reliant on you for everything yet has no money of her own.

She is in a situation where she is unable to leave as she has no funds and has no where else to go.

If you were married (in the UK) this could be seen as financial abuse.

Is there an actual plan for her future?
Even if its her getting an actual paying job and becoming a more equal partner in this situation/relationship.

The more OP posts the more exploitative it sounds. I assumed OP was in the UK and this would be a temporary arrangement to help the niece get on her feet after a relationship split.