just been accused of exploiting my niece

[AvocadoApple]

i have asked my 26 year old niece to look after my 1yr old dc (between 5pm and 6:30pm and weekends)in return for food, shelter, clothing, for herself and her 6yr old dc school needs
her mother (my aunt) has just rang me to accuse me of exploiting her DD

Ps: my aunt kicked her out about 3 years ago after she failed to find employment so she has been living different partners since then until the beginning of the year when i took her and her dc in

do i ask my niece to leave and find myself a nanny or should i tell my aunt to fuck off?

Have you? Maybe I'm being thick but I don't get it - your aunt would be your mother or fathers sibling, not your own sibling. Nevermind.

Teddybear45

I don’t know a single African country where Modern Slavery isn’t taken seriously. Some countries’ police forces will even be able to obtain identifying information from Internet Service providers to help imprison suspected slavers.

how many nurses do you know of in africa?
just because its not a problem you wouod encounter in your country does not mean it does not take

Shes your cousin, not your neice.
If she is NC with her mother, and you dont get on with your aunt either, then I would completely ignore it and get on with what youre doing. It sounds like you and your cousin have a mutually beneficial arrangement of helping each other out, and if youre both happy with it, then its noone elses business

Drum2018

So you spoke to your sister (who is not your aunt hmm ) about this arrangement before asking your niece? Why mention it to her when she is NC with your niece? It has nothing to do with her. Speak to your niece and let her decide what she wants to do.

my sister called me, i didnt reach out to her...

The Modern Slavery comment has got nothing to do with being a nurse.

Who is looking after your child from 18:30 to 19:00 every week day?

Not for the first time of asking

And between 7 and 7.30 in the morning?

Outanabout

You say your niece is NC with her mother, but I'd wonder if that's true. Could she have asked her mother to talk to you? The situation may not suit her as well as it suits you. Pay a childminder, it will cost you less and you won't be embroiled in a situation that could go on forever.

i doubt she would have contacted her dm .
i am considering doing this but i also have to be sensitive to her DC welfare

As you live outside the UK, it's hard to comment in terms of what would be a reasonable amount to give your niece in return for child care.

In your niece's situation, I would have already have tried to find a way to recompense you for providing accommodation, food etc for me and my child. I would have volunteered to help with childcare or got a job to help pay my way.

To be honest, as you say your sister 'kicked'your neice out because she did not have a job, I would be pretty pessimistic that she would be entirely reliable in terms of working 5-6.30 every day and 7-7 at weekends.

You also say that you are working weekends to pay off debts. Is a nanny really affordable? Wouldn't it be better to have a lodger?

@MyKingdomForBrie the OP is obfuscating on the hours. A casual “weekends when I’m working” is actual 2 full weekends a month. And she hasn’t clarified how it’s 7.5 hours weekdays when niece works until 18:30 but OP works until 19:00.

So you really can’t base a decision on the OP at all!

StormTreader

"If niece is NC with her mother, how does her mother know what the terms of niece lodging with you are?"

all the family knows she is with me, she is only nc with her dm

Nurses usually work 12+ hour shifts in hospitals in the US and most are mandated every other weekend but if not you can work PRN or as needed you receive a weekend shift differential as well as a high hourly rate as you receive no benefits. It's very common. I work three 12 hour shifts a week and is considered full time

Ellisandra

The Modern Slavery comment has got nothing to do with being a nurse.

Who is looking after your child from 18:30 to 19:00 every week day?

Not for the first time of asking

= my niece, i thought i mentioned it

If you are not paying her then of course you are exploiting her!

Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding, but is this roughly what happened;

Your niece was moving from one partner to another, taking her daughter with her.
She broke up with the latest man and was homeless with a child.
You took her and her child in.
You have been supporting her for a while and have asked for help in return. She is free to get a job but hasn't. Your finances are stretched and you can't afford to just support another two people for free.

Is that about it? I don't think you are exploiting her, so long as you also encourage her to take steps towards getting a job and/or finishing her education.

@TheresWaldo - good point!

So OP, how does your 1yo get to the crèche at 07:30 when you start work at 07:00?

And is your niece also expect to shop, cook, clean for you? In which case, are you adding those hours in?

@sleepwhenidie the difference is an Au Pair would be paid as well.

TheresWaldo

And between 7 and 7.30 in the morning?

i prepare my child every morning before i leave at 6:45am , she only puts the child in the creche transport when it arrives for a pick up

OP - some of your messages are a bit confusing. But honestly I think your niece is doing a lot when you add in the weekend working. I personally think the evenings and helping around the house would be fair for what you are giving her - board and lodging and some helping with school costs. But weekends should be paid extra with full childcare costs.

The question you need to ask is what it would it cost you to cover these costs otherwise and how much extra housing her really costs you.

No, you didn’t mention it.
You said your niece would look after her from 17:00-18:30.
Twice, in fact.

So it’s now 17:09-19:00?

Only you finish work at 19:00. What time do you actually get home?

And what time does your niece have to leave your house to get to the crèche to pick up?

And who is caring for your child in the morning after you leave for work but before the crèche opens?

Right, so we’re getting closer to the truth.

It’s more like 2 hours every evening.
And what? 30 minutes every morning?
And 2 full weekends a month.

I wouldn’t trust you not to exploit your niece, because you are certainly deliberately lying about what her responsibilities are here. You are not trustworthy, and I would worry about my child working for you.

You are disgusting, £28p/m off the government is all she gets whilst you take the piss every weekend and get free childcare. Reported you troll

ThatCurlyGirl

High school at 26? I'm so confused!

she left school many years ago without finishing it, so she would lile to complete it at a college

her mother (my aunt)

Your niece's mother is not your aunt.

You actually expect her to work 18.75 hours per week minimum (based on zero work on the weekends).

6.45am - 7.30am then around 4.30pm to 7.30pm - not the 1.5 hours per day you have the impression of.

A few things for me:

If I could trust someone to be ‘paid’ I wouldn’t trust them with my children.

I get the impression you might not give much notice if you needed her on the weekend which creates unease and friction.

If you work 2 x 12hr shifts on the weekend that’s another 26 hours you expect from her so actually we’re at the point your COUSIN works for 44.75 hours per week.

For me this is ill thought out and has the potential to indeed be exploitative.

Sorry - just seen it’s your sister’s child, although how you confuse an aunt and sister is beyond me.