just been accused of exploiting my niece

[AvocadoApple]

i have asked my 26 year old niece to look after my 1yr old dc (between 5pm and 6:30pm and weekends)in return for food, shelter, clothing, for herself and her 6yr old dc school needs
her mother (my aunt) has just rang me to accuse me of exploiting her DD

Ps: my aunt kicked her out about 3 years ago after she failed to find employment so she has been living different partners since then until the beginning of the year when i took her and her dc in

do i ask my niece to leave and find myself a nanny or should i tell my aunt to fuck off?

Ellisandra

Is there a reason that you didn’t answer the question about weekends properly?

i am a nurse on 7am to 7pm shifts, weekends i moonlight depending on how many debts i need to clear ( 2 wknds max per month)

Your aunt sounds like my friend's mum. she wants your niece to leave because she wants the niece to go back sobbing to her. In my opinion and with not much information, I think you are treating your niece fairly and she probably is happy this way. It's the mum who is stirring because she's not the saviour at the end of the path. All these other boyfriends your niece had, your aunt could find problems and tell your niece to go back to hers (and follow her rules). You are being nice and your aunt knows that you are offering the support and environment your niece needs. Which is the same as saying your niece does not need your aunt to save her and that your aunt has not got any power over her, not even to bribe her back. My friend's mum kept doing this. Telling her to leave, then waiting until she was in a bad state to say "I told you so" and follow it with "if you were a good daughter, you could come back home" etc.

Sorry, I sidetracked. You are doing ok. Sit with your niece and ask her how she feels and if there's anything that she thinks could do this fairer (it might just be that she wants a weekend off to do something and her mum is exaggerating for her own purposes).

An aupair would get a similar arrangement but with a bus pass and maybe pocket money. I am not sure how the rates are nowadays but last time I heard it was £400 or so. Maybe offer her the money so she can spend as she pleases instead of you buying uniform, school stuff, etc. Unless she's bad at managing it and you are protecting her daughter?

Are you serious? You don't get to indenture your family members because they don't have money. It's not fair for her and you will make always beholden to you and whatever whims you have.

The fact that you are being so vague and wont even give a guide to what you expect and say she could get pocket money you 'expect'. Makes me think that

Either you are exploiting her, because you control exactly what she has access to in terms of food and clothing. What her ds has access to. Ans hold thevtgreat of hee being kicked out over her head.

Or that you arent being honest. Is this a reverse? Made up. Are you someone else in the situation. Not the person who is allowing your niece to live with you?

Presumably if she were to find work (and she has most of the day, 5 days a week, to look) she could give OP 'notice' to find childcare and come to an alternative arrangement wrt to paying their way?

Even if weekends did involve long hours, presumably the niece has to also look after her own DC at the same time?

Icandothisallday

When you say clothing and her ds school needs how does that work?

i pay for her child school transport, school extra costs, uniform , etc

“in my country” - OK, so that’s important info too. We’re mainly in the UK and thinking “yeah, rental costs here are huge, that’s a good deal”. But board and lodging might not be worth as much as a benefit where you are.

Just to add to my post above, that 1.5 hours a day could mess up her chances for a job with prospects - you also may screw up weekend job prospects if she has to be available some weekends for her.

If your childcare ends at 17:00, doesn’t your niece actually have to be available before 17:00, to collect her?

Long term, I think this is a bad situation for a 26yo. She needs to be working properly.

So every other weekend its 13 hours per day. Taking into account your travelling and she doesnt get any cash or autonomy over what she or her son requires?

I think I got mixed up with the aunt-niece-mother situation above. I hope it makes sense.

Clearly a control issue over the daughter. She kicks her out presumably to control her and now she's with you trying to control her through you.

HopefullyAnonymous

Is it going to leave her without any access to actual money though?

site gets about 28 pounds per month for child support from government

How can she be your neice?

Saw your update - so you’re working 7-7, 2 weekends a month, both days when you’re moonlighting?

That’s quite a lot, and as I said - it messes up her chances of finding other work.

As her friend, I’d be telling her not to do it for anything other than short term.

@AvocadoApple
How is your Aunt your niece's mother?

So the only money she has is £28 per month.

In a country that doesnt use pounds?

If her mother is your aunt, she’s your cousin, not your niece.

Regardless, your set up sounds fair providing she’s not expected to look after your child all day Sat and Sun. I’m assuming she’s entitled to some benefits so she does have some of her own money coming in? Are you doing anything to help her get on her own two feet?

Icandothisallday

But how long and often is this at weekends?

Also does everything have to come through you. Do you decide what clothing she needs or decide her ds needs.

= no, she chooses her own type of clothing (within budget), i pay

I can see a situation that is coukd be exploitation. And where it's not.

Why are you jumping to kicking her out? = culturally i cannot say all things i feel about my aunt to her face , asking her to leave sounds easy

So every evening after school and all day at weekends? When is she going to be able to spend 1-on-1on time with her own child?

You say your niece is NC with her mother, but I'd wonder if that's true. Could she have asked her mother to talk to you? The situation may not suit her as well as it suits you. Pay a childminder, it will cost you less and you won't be embroiled in a situation that could go on forever.

Cross post. 7-7 is far too much to expect.

If you’re for real, are you looking out for your own interests or hers?

I think you should be able to get a vibe from niece whether she’s happy with the arrangement or not. You could sit down and ask her if it’s still working out for her.
If you do work all weekend I assume that means Saturday and Sunday so 26 hours? Plus the 10.5 hours in the week is a full time job (hours wise) for 2 weeks of the month so that is quite a lot of hours. But, do all the children get on? Sometimes having all children together is easier than having one on their own if they all get on!
So I’d check with niece how she feels and if you think she’s still happy ignore the aunt.

Compare it to an au pair.
In the UK the guidelines are maximum 30 hours per week working, and they should get £70-£85 per week as well as board and lodging.

How is it only 17:00-18:30 on weekdays? She has to commute to collect your child from childcare, and your shift doesn’t finish until 19:00!

I think you are not giving a true picture of this at all, especially given your evasiveness about the weekend hours.

ohh sorry its my niece (my sister's elder daughter)

If niece is NC with her mother, how does her mother know what the terms of niece lodging with you are?

TBH - yes your subsequent posts are expoitative, you would have to pay a nanny and a nanny or au pair would also be living in