To feel terribly embarrassed

[Thornyrose7]

I know there have been lots of similar threads. But today I went into a quiet staff room with two maintenance guys sitting in there ( one I know to talk to) and while I was making my drink a fart slipped out without any warning. Not a stinker, but noisy. I tried to brazen it out , ignored it,and even stayed for a chat!I am old enough not to care. But I am so embarrassed and keep cringing. AIBU to not be able to stop thinking about it?

On a long train journey I found myself sitting fairly alone in the carriage. I could feel a lot of gas building up and was happily squeezing out deeply satisfying silent farts.

Next thing I know, three very loud, very academic men got on the train and sat down beside me. One of them was loudly reading and critiquing an article written by one of the others. That was the end of my silent farting happy time. Gas was still building all around my nether regions and in the end I could bear it no more, stood up to go to the toilet and let out a triumphant soggy fanny fart.

I’ve never experienced such sudden silence The worst thing was we were all going to the same destination so had to stay sitting beside each other for the remainder of the journey.

First night in bed with exdp and I let rip the most loudest, longest, smelliest fart ever!!!
What did I do? Put the duvet over his head and laughed- because I was that mortified and I panicked! He came up to breath and said ‘I take it you are really comfortable then?!’. We stayed with each other for 15 years so🤷🏻‍♀️ But I still cringe at what I did....

I was once admitted to hospital. The nurse said change into this gown and get on the bed. I asked, is it knickers on or off? She said it doesn't matter, so I took them off. Then two doctors came to see me and asked me to lie on the bed and raise my legs as high as I could, one at a time. So, knicker less, I did as asked, cringing the whole time. After they examined me, one of the doctors said, you can sit up now, and as I did, I did the loudest, bubbliest fanny fart.

I hate it when it actually IS your shoes making squeaky duck noises on a polished floor - but everyone still eyeballs you as if you’ve let one rip. You can never get the fucking shoe to perform on demand!

Lip Rippler just catching up with MN at bedtime and I’m laughing silently but the bed is shaking and DH is groggily moaning at me...

I love these threads.

I forgot about this incident until now. I had just started a new job, new company, knew no one. It was my first day, I was a fairly quiet 22 year old. I felt a fart brewing and shifted my bum a bit so the gas could gently whoosh out. Instead this fart absolutely cracked out of my arse with a huge noise, one of those almost shocking blasts as I had rocked my hips slightly forward in my chair. It even stang a bit and made me jump.

I just sat it out and figured no one would actually think that noise had come from someone's arse

@SamanthaJayne4 that was an interesting read! I’ve tried to google about this before but couldn’t quite think how to phrase it ‘farts that don’t come out your bum’ didn’t give me much luck. Inside farts is obviously the correct term for googling. I have found cutting down milk helps me.

Dying at the tbought of someone holding their bum cheeks apart to get a long, squeaky fart.

Not fart but my serious SENCO colleague went to a high level LEA meeting. Noticed at the end of the meeting that she had a sanitary towel stuck onto her cardigan sleeve!

Crying with laughter!! OH keeps asking what I'm laughing at! He knows only one thing makes me laugh so much.... I am a child 🙈😂

Farts are fab. The ones that burst from your arse, bubble up past your vulva, ruffle your pubes and emerge triumphant from the front of your knickers.
I too get the inney farts
And what's with the ones that feel like you're farting shards of glass??! Ouch!

I'd once been holding in a fart for hours (it can damage your bowel btw way and lead to diverticulae so let them free) and walked into an empty room and let rip with a huge fart to great relief. Am embarrassment as the room was not empty after all

I have IBS and take a cocktail of drugs so have a very erm, musical bottom

My brother (When we very young I might add) once did 13 farts in a row, loud ones too. Can remember him clear as day pushing them out proud as punch!

Fanny farts are the king of farts.
Specially when dtd. Thrust, fart, giggle, thrust. fart, giggle.
Or directly afterwards, your fanny turns into a fucking blowhole!!

I loved these threads.

I remember on one fart thread a poster describing their DHs fart as one of those ‘long drawn out ones with a question mark noise at the end’ 😂

I hold mine in all the time. I have IBS as well so you can imagine the pain but when pregnant I wasnt as careful and bent over to get something and it sounded like gunfire.

Growing up we had no shame about farting, parents and kids. The philosophy was better out than in, so I have a high embarrassment threshold. DH is quite po-faced about it and won’t fart in my hearing at all - although he lets loose some cracking duvet lifters in his sleep.

In younger days when I lived down south my diet wasn’t great and I dropped a good number of SBDs in landmark London locations. Most memorably at Wimbledon, one of which was the subject of a great deal of muttering and tutting and wafting of programmes. No one ever realised it was me, thankfully.

Although nothing beat a boss of mine whose SBDs were legendary - he would just quietly get up and leave before the stench hit several seconds later. Never smelt anything like it before or since, you could bottle it and use in biological warfare. People used to anonymously leave charcoal tablets on his desk as a hint...

Currently I like to live dangerously at Pilates. Everyone else there seems to have their digestion well under control, or maybe they’ve been working on their pelvic floor exercises longer than me. A couple of times I’ve inadvertently let out a small fart, mainly when sitting on the edge of blocks, but thanks to sitting inelegantly with legs akimbo, they’ve escaped as small puffs of air with no reverberations. I do have to watch what I eat on class days though. Definitely no french onion soup, has a similar effect as a PP.

Oh was also standing outside the train station having a ciggy and let rip as no one around until I went to the door and there was a man standing there.

I let one slip when we had all moved to the vestry to sign the marriage register after all the vows on my wedding day. Then I got the giggles when my mother let out "Oh, Secret! Really?" At least the grins were genuine in the photos!

Once when I was having a very windy day I kept popping into my boss's office to fart, as he was out for the rest of the afternoon and my desk was in an open plan area. I had been going in many many times and was in there performing when he walked in saying the meeting had been cancelled. The room was very stinky and I am sure he had heard me. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Neither of us mentioned it but he did open all the windows!

I was in my office at work and let one go, then one of the staff walked in. He said "Fucking hell it stinks in here!" so I said "Yep, that would be me, I just farted" he legged it, pissing himself laughing.

Now whenever one of the staff need to come in the office, they knock and shout "HAVE YOU FARTED? SHOULD I GET THE GAS MASK OUT?!" I was mortified at first but honestly, making a huge joke about it has made it easier to deal with. We now have the fart corner outside, where all staff are required to go to fart, including me. I printed out a sign and everything :o

why did I google 'queffed'

I see your french onion soup, and I raise you artichoke soup

I once went to a fancy restaurant with my DParents. I ordered artichoke soup for a starter, well by the end of the main course I was in gaseous agony. I had to do an emergency dash to the ladies before dessert and the walk back to our car was jet propelled. I mentioned it in the car on the way home by way of an apology to be told that neither of my parents ever eat artichokes when at a restaurant because they have noticed the swift effects. Why I asked didnt you warn me.

@HelpMyKnickers 😂😂😂😂

I'm in bed with dd 10 months who is trumping away. I'm always so surprised at how long and how loud they are. Don't know who's are worse dd or dp.

Unable to sleep, lying in bed weeping with laughter! Thank-you Mumsnet!

Quite often my stomach is very gurgly - it doesn't necessarily means I'm about to fart. My stomach just talks a lot and very loudly which can be embarrassing in public places but after 40-odd years, I'm used to it.
So I'm in bed with a new lover, he's kissing down my body & my stomach starts a conversation with him - literally he'd either kiss me or talk to me & my stomach would make a noise. I did not fart just gurgled. We gave up in the end as couldn't stop laughing.

DD heavily pregnant was standing in a line to pay at the cash register. She quietly farted and hoped no one heard. GD nearly 3 piped up, “mummy you did a pop off.”