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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel terribly embarrassed

250 replies

Thornyrose7 · 16/05/2019 19:53

I know there have been lots of similar threads. But today I went into a quiet staff room with two maintenance guys sitting in there ( one I know to talk to) and while I was making my drink a fart slipped out without any warning. Not a stinker, but noisy. I tried to brazen it out , ignored it,and even stayed for a chat!I am old enough not to care. But I am so embarrassed and keep cringing. AIBU to not be able to stop thinking about it?

OP posts:

Tunnocks34 · 16/05/2019 21:54

I farted when teaching the other day. Silent but smelt so badly.

Being the good teacher I am, I let the kids argue amongst themselves about who it was before light heartedly bollocking them for making such an issue out of a natural bodily function.

BMW6 · 16/05/2019 21:55

Queef is fart from fanny

AudacityOfHope · 16/05/2019 21:56

I once gorged a bag of dried banana chips at work; the resulting poo looked like a yellow gnarly tree trunk and was so buoyant I had to give up after the 7th flush.

An email went round the office about it

KitschBitch · 16/05/2019 21:57

Had a very windy tum today in yoga and spent the whole class holding it in, although often at least one person pops off during the class. I find farts really funny and have to try out not to break into a snorty laugh when someone lets off. Maybe farting should be encouraged during yoga, then we could all have a good laugh and relax.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/05/2019 21:58

I know I'm childish, but I'm chortling like Muttley on reading this thread (and figured I probably had the right screen-name to be posting here).

We've all done it. I once waltzed out of the Ladies in our local, trying to walk sexily and sashaying my booty in front of a guy I really fancied, only to realize my skirt was tucked in my knickers and I was trailing bog-roll after myself like the Andrex puppy ....

It was over two decades ago and I still cringe!

SadOtter · 16/05/2019 21:59

At work there is an L shaped cupboard, I was tidying the bit at the end, that you can't see from the door, a teacher came in and let off the loudest fart ever and sighed happily, then realised I was there, her face was fantastic.

When DD was a baby I was breastfeeding her on the train, we got near the station quicker than I thought so I rushed and got her in the pram, got off the train and started walking, after a couple of minutes I thought hmm, my boobs very cold, looked down and realised that would be because I hadn't put it away.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 16/05/2019 22:01

Snapped and farted
One of the best threads on MN

ThanksMateThanksMate · 16/05/2019 22:02

I was tending to a pupil who had fainted. I was down on the floor beside her when the head teacher came in to check all was ok.
Upon seeing him, I tried to shift into a more "professional" position and ... you guessed it ...

A short, sharp, unmistakably loud one got away from me.

Still die every day.

Ezzie29 · 16/05/2019 22:04

My stomach keeps making these weird noises that are like farts that go off before they get to my bum. It’s awful.

I get this sometimes (“insidey farts” DP an I wittily call them) and the other day I was in the staff room listening to music on my headphones and I could feel they were happening and it suddenly occurred to me that if anyone could hear them, they probably thought I was merrily farting away without realising I could be heard, as opposed to the truth which was that my body was just making odd noises!

SnipSnapSnip · 16/05/2019 22:06

I farted during a bikini wax once 🙈

yearinyearout · 16/05/2019 22:08

My dog just farted...she always looks behind her as if to say "who did that?!"

ImpracticalCape · 16/05/2019 22:10

My skirt fell down to my ankles as I ran for a bus outside Liverpool St station in rush hour.... I was so desperate to get the bus I stepped out of it boarded in my pants and put the skirt back on on the bus.

MitziK · 16/05/2019 22:10

After a while going to a few 'gentle' yoga classes at the gym (like fuck were they, Warrior pose is never anything but a fucking killer), my hours changed and I started going to classes held at the local Buddhist Centre. The people who went there were hardcore - think elephant trousers, tiedyed vests and everything else you pick up whilst backpacking and getting wasted in Goa on your Trust Fund for six months in the 1990s. Lots of vegans, too - I'd seen most of them in the health food shop next door over the previous months whilst they were buying nutritional yeast, 3kg bags of soya mince and suchlike.

By the time the teacher failed to kill us all with repeated 300mph Sun Salutations and had changed to super slowmo ones, holding Upward Facing Dog, it sounded like the William Tell Overture in there. I was slightly amused tried to not piss myself laughing at the seriousness of it all. And then we went on to a selection of floor based back and sidebends (Snake, etc).

My God. I think what came out of me started somewhere in the region of my fucking lungs. I'm pretty sure by the time it finished, I was drawing in air from my ears and pulling it out of my arse.

We then got a five minute chat about the benefits of daily yoga upon digestion whilst we were all trying to roll the mats up, get our shoes on and get the hell out of there before anymore gases were expelled.

percheron67 · 16/05/2019 22:12

Mumsy and lambtink. Thank you both!! Mumsnet is really educational.!

TitchyP · 16/05/2019 22:12

Oh god, I'd love to go to yoga classes but I know my arse would make a show of me.

Poppy43 · 16/05/2019 22:14

I once farted at work (spent most of the day in agony trying to hold it in) and
Pooped myself. To make matters worse there was a client waiting patiently in reception to speak to me, I made my excuses and almost sprinted out if the door. 😁🤭

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 16/05/2019 22:20

I’m a lecturer, and always remember the time one of the boys did a massive, loud fart in my class. His friend immediately said “oh my god, Name”, so there was no denying it. Everyone cracked up, and much as I knew I should be serious and professional, I couldn’t stop laughing either. They were final year students in a small group, so I knew them well.

I also once had an awful situation where a student’s chair collapsed on him. It was probably a coincidence, but he was a very stout lad, so it looked like the chair had collapsed under his weight. It took all my control not to laugh at that (he wasn’t hurt).

LadyRannaldini · 16/05/2019 22:22

I farted tonight for the first time in front of my DP and I have known him 2 years!!

Wasn't it the wonderful, sadly late, Victoria Wood who said in a sketch that farting in front of a partner was a sign it would last, the relationship that is.

notfromworcester · 16/05/2019 22:22

My friends dad once farted in a very crowded Ikea on a Saturday, turned to her mum and warned her. Except it wasn't her mum, it was a random lady.

And then they were all stuck awkwardly next to each other in a trolley filled guff cloud in one way Ikea hell.

Inkstainedmags · 16/05/2019 22:22

I even tried to bang my cup and spoon about to hide it.

Ah yes. Who hasn't tried the old conceal-a-sound-after-it-has-already-happened trick.

Ezzie29 · 16/05/2019 22:24

Oh I just remembered when I was in year six and we were doing pretend interviews, my teacher asked a boy a question and then pointed a maraca at him (the microphone, obvs) and instead of saying anything, he farted by mistake. It was the FUNNIEST THING EVER we were laughing all day and talked about it for weeks.

LemonMousse · 16/05/2019 22:26

I've told this one on here before but here goes...
I was holding one in all the way up our street, got through the front door and let rip very loudly.
Only to hear a loud 'Muuuuum for God's sake!' From the lounge where DS was sitting with his (fairly new) GF watching TV!

Inkstainedmags · 16/05/2019 22:27

My God. I think what came out of me started somewhere in the region of my fucking lungs. I'm pretty sure by the time it finished, I was drawing in air from my ears and pulling it out of my arse.

😂😂😂

PinkGlitter123 · 16/05/2019 22:31

My friend did a 'Body Pump' class the other day and each time she squatted down holding the weights above her head, she would let out a fart in time with each squat!

I have colitis so have farted/shat myself in public. Last embarrassing time was when I was leaning back on my friends sofa talking to her 6 yr old DS when I let out three farts as I leant back. He didn't say a word just looked a little bemused and I quickly turned the conversation back to Lego 🙈

Monkey500 · 16/05/2019 22:36

For those inside farts it's air collecting in your intestines, I put mine down to a touch of ibs, usually after chili or curry, onions etc. it's like the food just drops and splashes to the next part of your digestive system. And so very loud in meetings.

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