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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

ExDH family demanding to know where trust fund is after 8yrs

143 replies

RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 13:53

Long story but, divorced from ex’s for 2yrs, he then took his own life when DD was 6yrs. His family in and out her life as and when they can be bothered. Not much contact. Left to me to put our lives back together. He left a pension and lump sum to dd, which was invested and not been touched. Currently worth a nice nest egg for her. She has no idea that it is there.

Roll on 8yrs, dd nearly 15yrs, got an amazing chance to go America with her cousins on my side, without me, just aunt, uncle, two cousins and dd.
I couldn’t afford to pay but DP of 5yrs said he would.
Dd and cousins obviously very excited, talking about it on Facebook.
Cue exh brother calling her and asking how it’s being paid for. She replies DP is. He then proceeded to tell her that there is money in trust for her, she denies as she obviously had no idea. He then accused me of using it to her. She then has some questions for me.

Now I’m being accused of spending her money by uncle, and have had to show her the account to prove otherwise. I am refusing to show him.
He says he is taking me to court for spending her inheritance.

She is fine with it and after talking to her why I kept it quiet, is happy to leave it where it is for her future.

AIBU in thinking it’s none of his business and he shouldn’t have told her about the trust fund.?

OP posts:
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 18:41

ginger1982
It’s okay, I’m a bit touchy about it. I get accused of speaking Ill about him to her. I wouldn’t. What good would it do? She doesn’t remember him. And like I say, he’s not here to defend himself.

OP posts:
SirGawain · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’m going against the grain and say it sounds like he is coming from a good place but coming over in a crass way. He doesn’t sound like he wants the money.
I’m not sure how anyone could reach that conclusion on the facts OP has presented. At best he is trying to cause trouble but more likely he is trying to get his hands on the money.

theworldistoosmall · 15/05/2019 19:06

Oh gosh, when I first mentioned him wanting the cash, I really had no idea how much of an ass he is.
Your dd sounds wonderful (as do you) and I suspect if he went asking she would tell him where to go.

Genevieva · 15/05/2019 19:19

I have skimmed through. You, your daughter and your husband sound like a strong and loving family and your daughter sounds very sensible. As well as the ISAs etc that everyone has mentioned, you could look into using an investment management and stockbroking business that creates a portfolio of shares and manages them for her. That way they would be looked after without an arbitrary fixed timeline of 5 or 10 years.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 15/05/2019 19:38

At the time she inherited it, he wanted to know how much, why she had it not him, as he thought he had a right to know. The solicitor apparently told him it was none of his business and refused to tell him anything. Things have been implied over the years, but nothing this direct.

He also questioned her getting her fathers share of his mothers will. He thought it should have gone to the remaining children. She obviously thought not.

He sounds nasty. I agree that he's after some of the money for himself, goodness knows how he figures he'll succeed with that. Does he think that, although you, the girl's DM, shouldn't have had access to her trust fund for her benefit (legally, you don't, of course, but considering you obviously never received any other maintenance from her DF after he died, morally, few would have blamed you), he, her uncle, somehow should?!

The fact that you and his brother were divorced before he died is irrelevant to the fact that he would want his DD to benefit financially from him - that's an entirely normal thing to do.

It's amazing how wills bring out the greed in some people, however ludicrous their claim to it.

When my Grandfather died, my great uncle (Grandmother's brother) started asking questions about his will. As it happens, he'd only just made a will a few days before he died, in the hospital, at my tactful suggestion and arranging, as my Grandmother has a number of mental and physical health issues and he had always paid the bills, so I wanted her to be protected (it was a joint will) and for my sibling and me to be nominated PoA, so that we could help her with everything now she was on her own and vulnerable.

As was pretty much always the case with couples of their generation (and is still very common now), their finances and assets were held jointly, so GD didn't really leave anything anyway, as it all automatically became GM's sole property, as makes complete sense.

As both of my GP's children predeceased them (one, very sadly, as a baby), GU was clearly of the mindset that he was now GM's next of kin and should therefore rightly inherit everything when she died. Leaving aside the fact that, although living in the same town, he's seen her maybe twice in the last 20 years (usually only when he wants to borrow something) and that he himself was then (15 years ago) already in his 70s, he apparently thought it fair that he inherit from his older sister (and then, of course, it would pass to his children when he died) rather than that her own GC - who live a distance away but still visit when they can and, in my case, spend hours each month on the phone dealing with her carers, doctors, hospitals, the council, utilities and many others, and dealing with her redirected post - should have it. Presumably as some sort of 'punishment' for losing our DF at a relatively young age.

Another relative who died at an old age, had, beforehand, written his will so that his money (he rented from the council so owned no property) would be split 9 ways, between his 3 sons, their 2 wives (one has never married) and their 4 children. Supposing the estate totalled £9K, effectively, this meant that 2 sons would each receive £4K split between their own immediate families and the other son £1K. The single son, who is one of the most generous and least greedy people I know, thought his £1K more than fair, as he was single and had no children, and was very happy. One of the sons with a family was also happy (albeit feeling it a bit unfair for his single brother to lose out); however, the other son was most indignant at this and he believed that it should just have been split 3 ways between the sons.

It didn't happen, of course - the will was executed as per the deceased's wishes; but his sense of 'fairness' dictated that, although his own immediate family would then only have received £3K altogether, the fact that, under his preferred method, HE would have had that whole £3K to himself, instead of his £1K (at the expense of his wife and his own children) was all he was interested in.

sueelleker · 15/05/2019 19:45

When one of my husband's uncles died, my DH and his sister received what would have been their father's share. One of his aunts complained that her children didn't get anything. Another aunt told her "if you'd like to die, your kids can have your share!"

FarTooMuchWashing · 15/05/2019 19:58

We had a similar thing when my grandad died - about 10 years later my uncle decided to have a go at my mum (sole beneficiary who split the inheritance between her and siblings). 10 years later he decided my mum had been fraudulent. Our response was to get a solicitor to reply telling him that any correspondence on the subject was to be sent via the solicitor and that we didn't want to hear from him again.
We heard nothing more.
Perhaps doing similar might work for you - that way he knows you have received his message and you don't have to receive any further intimidating messages from him and he can decide if he really wants to spend money on this.

Longdistance · 15/05/2019 19:58

So, he thought when grandma died your dd shouldn’t have inherited. If exmil named you exdh in the will, your dd would get it anyway. The pension would also go to dd, as she’s a surviving dc.
Her uncle is an arse. Your dd sounds smart and is realising what a complete dick her uncle is.

MRex · 15/05/2019 21:37

Based on your update - yes, he's a cock who wants her money. She needs to be prepared for a sob story coming up a little after her 18th birthday (he'll remember that one).

RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 22:17

We have had a chat about it all this evening, and it appears that said uncle has quizzed her before. About the extension last year and the car we bought 2yrs ago. Of course she didn’t know how much or where the money came from.
Apparently two full time working adults can’t afford such luxury’s.
She has decided herself she wants nothing more to do with him. I let it be her decision, she’s old enough to make her own choice on who she has contact with.
I’m sure I’ll hear from him when he next try’s to contact her and can’t get through. She’s blocked him from her Facebook too.

OP posts:
Ghostontoast · 16/05/2019 08:31

I agree that he thinks the money should be his, that’s why he is so interested in it.

It’s good you and your daughter have the measure of him now. He will be planning various sob stories for “loans” for when she reaches 18 thinking she will be an easy touch.

Splodgetastic · 16/05/2019 08:49

If I’ve understood correctly, OP’s DD has inherited some money from her father, but because she is a minor the money is held in trust for her until she is 18 (in other words, she will become absolutely entitled to the original money and any income earned on it at the age of 18, rather than the scenario being any more complex than that). I need to RTFT, but would want to know whether OP is the trustee in this scenario (I assume so and hope so). OP, have you simply invested this money and literally never touched it, not even just for the benefit of your DD alone? If so, then I really don’t think you have anything to worry about and it’s more a question of managing the family dynamics and protecting your DD when she comes of age (as I said, I assume that there’s no longer period than 18 involved here but if there is you probably need to get some tax advice).

TheRedBarrows · 16/05/2019 08:58

Splodge: no you have not understood correctly.
The money is not ‘held in Trust’ any more than the savings accounts we have opened for our kids , in our kids names but with us as the adult opening and controlling the account until they are 16, is ‘in trust’. The money is quite simply in an account in the Dd’s name, opened by her Mum.

Splodgetastic · 16/05/2019 09:21

TheRedBarrows, children cannot provide a good receipt for capital, so they always inherit on trust (if we are talking about an inheritance). It might not be a very complicated type of trust, but it’s still a trust and then they become entitled at 18 at which point the trustee drops out of the picture.

TeacupDrama · 16/05/2019 09:31

I think it is called a bare trust

Drum2018 · 16/05/2019 09:49

Fair play to your dd for blocking him. He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

PregnantSea · 16/05/2019 11:20

These words spring to mind - "fuck off you nosey cunt".

Then let him take you to court because it will be absolutely hilarious.

RossPoldarksWife · 16/05/2019 16:10

sploge
Yes I put it away in a long term no access savings account for 10yrs. Never touched a penny.

OP posts:
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