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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ExDH family demanding to know where trust fund is after 8yrs

143 replies

RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 13:53

Long story but, divorced from ex’s for 2yrs, he then took his own life when DD was 6yrs. His family in and out her life as and when they can be bothered. Not much contact. Left to me to put our lives back together. He left a pension and lump sum to dd, which was invested and not been touched. Currently worth a nice nest egg for her. She has no idea that it is there.

Roll on 8yrs, dd nearly 15yrs, got an amazing chance to go America with her cousins on my side, without me, just aunt, uncle, two cousins and dd.
I couldn’t afford to pay but DP of 5yrs said he would.
Dd and cousins obviously very excited, talking about it on Facebook.
Cue exh brother calling her and asking how it’s being paid for. She replies DP is. He then proceeded to tell her that there is money in trust for her, she denies as she obviously had no idea. He then accused me of using it to her. She then has some questions for me.

Now I’m being accused of spending her money by uncle, and have had to show her the account to prove otherwise. I am refusing to show him.
He says he is taking me to court for spending her inheritance.

She is fine with it and after talking to her why I kept it quiet, is happy to leave it where it is for her future.

AIBU in thinking it’s none of his business and he shouldn’t have told her about the trust fund.?

OP posts:
Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 15:30

theredbarrows

Yes I have all the paperwork, statements etc.
I haven’t got a copy of the will. There were no terms, it was paid into her savings account. So they must have trusted me to do the right thing by her. No trustees just me.

OP posts:
Namestheyareachangin · 15/05/2019 15:30

@horizontalis

As I say, when I inherited as a child (not ££££ alas, merely £! Grin) I was told and consulted. That's the only experience I have so that's what I thought was normal. Live and learn!

lessthanBeau · 15/05/2019 15:31

This striking a nerve with me we are just about to receive the cash from late brothers house sale of which I have about 12k for his girlfriends daughter who is 16, we are the trustees and it states she cannot have it until 25, now gf is asking to be in control of it as it's her dds money, weve said no we are trustees for it, as we think she may want it for her house(she asked why it couldn't be invested in her house as her dd will get it one day anyway???)Confused so were sticking firm over it. It does feel horrible to feel like they are accusing you of something tho and that they dont trust you. My db obviously didn't trust his gf to be trustee that's why she wasn't named!

LittlePaintBox · 15/05/2019 15:32

He sounds like a bully, and completely clueless. How can he take you to court over the money, or get himself appointed as a guardian?

It does sound as if his interest in your daughter is related to her money, warn her to steer clear of him and ignore any financial advice that 'Uncle D*ckhead' offers her.

She sounds like she has her head screwed on, so well done for that.

RantyAnty · 15/05/2019 15:33

Ignore the twit. He's just sniffing around for money.

I don't think it's wise to tell children about trust funds. I wouldn't want them going around mentioning it at school. Vultures flock when they find out someone has a bit of money.

MRex · 15/05/2019 15:38

Given that you obviously had no maintenance money from her father for her from age 6, it actually would have been reasonable to use some money for her care. Obviously they don't know your circumstances very well because they don't see you, so while it's good that you didn't need to, it's pretty thoughtless of his family to have not considered that. Given that they didn't think she needs money for maintenance, I think it's ok that the brother was checking she still had the inheritance. I wouldn't have thought he's necessarily after money for himself but just doesn't know / doesn't like you.

It's good to get her thinking that this is her house deposit money; well, for deposit and stamp duty, that's the easiest way to preserve its value and keep it from being wasted.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 15:44

At the time she inherited it, he wanted to know how much, why she had it not him, as he thought he had a right to know. The solicitor apparently told him it was none of his business and refused to tell him anything. Things have been implied over the years, but nothing this direct.

He also questioned her getting her fathers share of his mothers will. He thought it should have gone to the remaining children. She obviously thought not.

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 15/05/2019 15:45

Who are the trustees of the fund?
As they would need to authorise any spending anyway. What age does your dd get to benefit

PettyContractor · 15/05/2019 15:46

If this is a bare trust, that means DD has a right to the money at 18, it can't be withheld after that.

(If the money is in a savings account in DD name, I think the account will automatically become DDs on her 18th birthday and the bank won't let the parent have any say over it.)

Topseyt · 15/05/2019 15:48

I'd just let the stupid arsehole take you to court and end up with egg all over his face.

It might be better to go to a Financial Adviser and enquire about investment accounts and/or stocks and shares ISAs. If picked carefully then you can get better returns there than with banks or building societies because interest rates are too low at the moment.

User8888888 · 15/05/2019 15:51

It does sound like he has an agenda then if he has had form for querying the payment and your ex mil’s Will.

Inheritances and children are so tricky. Mine will get lump sums at 18 and I’d be far happier if that was 25. It is such a lot of responsibility to have money at a young age. Other posters will know better but I think Gordon brown changed the rules on trusts to make it very hard and costly to withhold money past 18.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 16:01

user88888

I think so, I couldn’t find anything where I could put it in trust again. My plan was at 16yrs to be able to put it away for another 10yrs. Now they tell me I can’t as when she is 18yrs she will automatically get access to it.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2019 16:11

He sounds vile. Only interested in the money. Have you told your dd about his reaction to her getting a share of her grandma’s will? Perhaps now would be a good time.

7salmonswimming · 15/05/2019 16:22

Well done for putting it away. And on raiding such a sensible sounding young girl/woman. Teenagers get a bad rep, but it sounds like you’ve raised a good one.

Does your DP know about this money out away? He’s fine to pay for the America trip when there’s this cash set aside?

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 16:33

7salmonswimming

Yes he knows. He considers it her money for her future. He offered to pay immediately. He has been in her life for 5yrs now. He considers her his responsibility too. When we discussed him moving in, he was very concerned about her reaction. She had had a very upsetting start to her short life, he knew she and I were very close. He didn’t want anything else to upset her. They adore each other. A lot of mutual respect. She appreciated how hard it would be for him, to take on a child under the circumstances, and still does.

OP posts:
TeacupDrama · 15/05/2019 16:45

yes I agree she will have access to the capital at 18 as previous poster said it is very hard to leave money tied up beyond 18 as that is now almost universally the age of adulthood. of the top of my head I can't think of anything you can't do until 21 apart from go on the medical register as a doctor but as medical school is 5 years that's not possible anyway you can't adopt a child until you are 21 or drive a lorry over 7.5 tonnes or a commercial aircraft or supervise learner drivers

lessthanBeau · 15/05/2019 16:49

In a will it states that if the beneficiary dies before the settler then it goes to their children if they have any unless the will is changed again, if they have no children then it goes back in to the pot for remaining beneficiaries, when my db died my df then changed his will giving the GC a cash sum instead and the main inheritance comes to me as last remaining child so your exdh mother obviously left it as it was for his child. It's scary how some people you thought you knew change so dramatically when money is involved.

lessthanBeau · 15/05/2019 16:50

teacup you cant get paid an adult wage until you are 25 though!

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 16:56

lessthanbeau

Oh yes. It’s amazing how people you’ve known as family for 15yrs suddenly change when money is involved. I was shocked at how I was treated, money grabber, my fault he took his own life, not told of funeral plans. One minute I was the mother of their niece and included, next minute evil ex wife.

OP posts:
Orangeballon · 15/05/2019 16:56

He can’t take you to court unless he’s a guardian granted by court order. This is none of his business.

7salmonswimming · 15/05/2019 17:02

💜

I’m sorry for the sorrow you and your DD have had. It sounds like, hopefully, those times are over. I’m sure that didn’t just happen. You’re the common denominator in all this. I hope you have people who know and appreciate what you’ve done.

There are ways to tie up money beyond 18yo. It’s complicated, comes with other considerations, and is probably only worth it above a certain amount of money. It sounds like the best security you have is the way you’ve raised your DD. If she remains a sensible woman and continues to have you in her life, with your supportive DP, you can manage the rest. Just ensure she’s protected (down the line) from unsuspecting suitors. To outsiders she will appear more attractive with a fully-paid home of her own, than not. One might even suggest she makes her own way in life as best she can and you keep this nest-egg for her children. After all, she’s done just fine without access to it and having it as a safety net. Perhaps she might wish to do the same for her children? By then, this will be an even tidier sum.

PigletJohn · 15/05/2019 17:05

you cant get paid an adult wage until you are 25 though!

yes you can.

But an employer can get away with paying you less if he is within minimum wage rules.

MyOtherProfile · 15/05/2019 17:07

Did you or dd even get to go to the funeral OP?

Foxmuffin · 15/05/2019 17:08

It won’t get to court. Let him crack on!

TeacupDrama · 15/05/2019 17:14

yes the minimum wage; but I was talking about things you can't legally do, you can legally get paid more than that

do not get her to tie the money up for her own children she may need it herself what about if she got ill and was unable to work after age 40 she would not have it when she needed it, she could put some in a pension or some in a LISA so the government will add to it
if she buys property with someone there are ways of drawing up legal documents to protect vastly varying deposits
she does not yet know she will be fine without it ( upto now everything she has needed has been rightly provided by her mum and step dad) she is too young at some stage she might want to do a master degree and it will save taking out a bank loan, but as OP says a house deposit is a good idea as a home is a long term roof over her head