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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ExDH family demanding to know where trust fund is after 8yrs

143 replies

RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 13:53

Long story but, divorced from ex’s for 2yrs, he then took his own life when DD was 6yrs. His family in and out her life as and when they can be bothered. Not much contact. Left to me to put our lives back together. He left a pension and lump sum to dd, which was invested and not been touched. Currently worth a nice nest egg for her. She has no idea that it is there.

Roll on 8yrs, dd nearly 15yrs, got an amazing chance to go America with her cousins on my side, without me, just aunt, uncle, two cousins and dd.
I couldn’t afford to pay but DP of 5yrs said he would.
Dd and cousins obviously very excited, talking about it on Facebook.
Cue exh brother calling her and asking how it’s being paid for. She replies DP is. He then proceeded to tell her that there is money in trust for her, she denies as she obviously had no idea. He then accused me of using it to her. She then has some questions for me.

Now I’m being accused of spending her money by uncle, and have had to show her the account to prove otherwise. I am refusing to show him.
He says he is taking me to court for spending her inheritance.

She is fine with it and after talking to her why I kept it quiet, is happy to leave it where it is for her future.

AIBU in thinking it’s none of his business and he shouldn’t have told her about the trust fund.?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/05/2019 14:20

I just feel that after not really being bothered about her for 8yrs, it’s a bit rich trying to show concern now

They are not concerned about your DD. They just care about the money. It is rightfully your DDs and you have done well by her to invest it and leave it.

Tell the loser Uncle to take you to court; this money has nothing to do with him and he will get laughed out of the place.

Sounds like your DP is a good 'un too. Hope DD enjoys her trip!

Mayalready · 15/05/2019 14:23

When my aunt died and left dc cash for when they were 18 my exh spoke to aunt's solicitor about 'looking after' their cash!! Was bloody hilarious!!
At least dd has got the measure of him now op.

Alsohuman · 15/05/2019 14:23

Let him take you to court and waste his money. Oh and get your daughter to defriend him.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 14:25

greenfingers

Thank you, I actually panicked when I saw the figure in her savings account, the building society had a very high interest account that paid more interest each year it was invested. They don’t do that now, so I need to find somewhere else to put it.

She totally understands why I didn’t tell her. She says she would rather not know now! Then she can’t spend it in her head!

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 15/05/2019 14:28

I'd send one last letter to them all, stating how they have come and gone out of her life when they suit, even though her father died 8 years ago.
That after uncles recent interference you have decided to call it a day and really don't want any more contact, then block the fuckers.

Amibeingdaft81 · 15/05/2019 14:30

Why are you bothered?

The money is in a nest egg.

So let him waste his money. You shouldn’t be giving this a second’s thought if the money is correctly squirrelled away and easily proved

ittakes2 · 15/05/2019 14:31

He is being ridiculous but he lost his brother so I would probably just show him to smooth tensions over. There is no point causing a palva over money. Your daughter might not have a good relationship with him - but I don't think this is worth the aggro or head space which could be avoided with showing him. Of course you don't have to show him - but its bothering you enough to start a thread about it so its obviously in your head taking up time!

RB68 · 15/05/2019 14:31

I would think about reinvesting to mature maybe when she is 18 so if she wants to go to college or train specifically she can or she could get a foot on the housing ladder if she gets a job etc. So to mature at 18 with the potential to invest till 21 or 25. This then gives her options at key ages ie 21 leaving college, 25 poss getting married etc.

Clutterbugsmum · 15/05/2019 14:31

Well he look like an idiot won't he either at the solicitors or the court.

Your have invested in your DD future whether she uses it for further education or a deposit on a property neither of which is his concern.

IAmTheChosenOne · 15/05/2019 14:36

Interest rates are so low, please take proper advice

JingsMahBucket · 15/05/2019 14:37

He is definitely sniffing around for money. Write him a letter or have a solicitor do it telling him to cease contact. Then have your daughter unfollow or block him and the rest of the family. They’re rubbing their hands with glee thinking about how to scam a teenager out of her money. So gross.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 15/05/2019 14:41

As others have said, let him take it all the way for not taking your word. It's his money he's wasting. The lawyers will still get paid.

Lllot5 · 15/05/2019 14:42

Tell him to fuck off. What does ‘take you to court’ even mean? Will he go to a solicitor and spend money? Presumably fictional solicitor writes to you, you tell fictional solicitor you haven’t spent it, and you can prove it. Where’s the court case?
What an absolute wanker.
I’d let him waste his time and money doing it, which he won’t.
Hope your daughter has a fab holiday.

Celticrose · 15/05/2019 14:42

If the money was part of his pension it would have been known as death benefit and usually would go to the spouse. In this case he probably informed the pension trustees by wish of deed form that the money was to be paid to your dd. This money as far as I know would not form part of his estate and therefore would not be available to go towards any debt.

diddl · 15/05/2019 14:44

If he was genuinely concerned that money left to his niece by his brother was being misappropriated then I think that it is his business.

However, I wouldn't directly be showing him any accounts so that he knows how much there is.

Also, would a family holiday have even raised eyebrows as she would only have been funding herself?

Sophiesdog11 · 15/05/2019 14:45

Maybe look at moving it into a stocks and shares ISA for her, she can help you pick investment funds, and if you drip feed it in monthly you will smooth out the peaks and troughs of the market. You can only put in 4k a year to 18, then it jumps to adult rate of 20k.

Also look at a LiSA at 18, 4K max a year (out of 20k ISA allowance) but govt put in 25%, so they get another 1k/yr free! It can be used for house purchase or a pension.

My DC have a reasonable large inheritance, received 3 yrs ago, they now 21 and 19. We are doing the above and the money is growing nicely. Yes they could access the money if they wished, but by involving them, it allows them to see what they have and how it will help them get on the housing ladder. Mine know they could dip into it for travelling or such like as a one-off, but that if they fritter it, they will be the losers long term.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 14:46

celticrose
That was exactly what happened. They asked for her savings account details and paid it directly to her. I then transferred it to the long term investment account.

OP posts:
Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 14:48

sophiesdog11

Thank you I will look into that. She’s all for using it for a house deposit.

OP posts:
Namestheyareachangin · 15/05/2019 14:48

Don't get why you kept it secret from her tbh, but apart from that you've no case to answer and he can swivel!

DarlingNikita · 15/05/2019 14:49

He says he is taking me to court for spending her inheritance.

Grin Let him try. Tit.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 14:53

namestheyareachanging

I suppose because she was 6yrs old at the time. Then as time went by I sort of forgot about it. She didn’t need it, she wants for nothing, so I just thought she didn’t need to know. When the time came for her to buy house, car or whatever I would have told her. Definitely when she was 21yrs.

OP posts:
HBStowe · 15/05/2019 14:55

It’s got fuck all to do with them! Tell them to get stuffed...

TheCatInTheSquare · 15/05/2019 14:58

I'd consider a longer term plan then another 5 year investment. 21 year olds aren't known for being wise with large sums of cash.

runoutofnamechanges · 15/05/2019 14:58

If you decide to put any of the money in an ISA, there is a loophole that 16/17 year olds get both the children's and adult's ISA allowance, so you can put up to £4k in a junior ISA for your daughter but from 16 she can also put up to £20k into an adult ISA so she gets a much higher tax free allowance for savings for those 2 years.

If she turns 16 before November, she could also open a help to buy ISA (that gives a 25% government bonus like the LiSA).

Namestheyareachangin · 15/05/2019 15:01

Not implying anything nefarious OP, just found it odd. My great aunt left me and my sister and cousin a chunk of cash when she died (no children of her own so we were her closest to grandchildren). We were all very young (not 6 young, I think we were 10, 12 and 14) but I remember my parents wanted to do it all by the book so sis and I were sat down with a financial adviser who talked us through the various options for investment (in an age appropriate way, parents there to explain if needed) and decided from that what we wanted to do with it. Totally left it up to us.

I ended up pissing most of it away once I was 18 on my gap year (and on a crappy boyfriend) alas, so in some ways I think your way is better - takes the decision out of her hands! I just didn't know it was allowed not to tell someone if they are the beneficiary of a will once they are of an age to understand.

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