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AIBU?

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Original poster

ExDH family demanding to know where trust fund is after 8yrs

143 replies

RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 13:53

Long story but, divorced from ex’s for 2yrs, he then took his own life when DD was 6yrs. His family in and out her life as and when they can be bothered. Not much contact. Left to me to put our lives back together. He left a pension and lump sum to dd, which was invested and not been touched. Currently worth a nice nest egg for her. She has no idea that it is there.

Roll on 8yrs, dd nearly 15yrs, got an amazing chance to go America with her cousins on my side, without me, just aunt, uncle, two cousins and dd.
I couldn’t afford to pay but DP of 5yrs said he would.
Dd and cousins obviously very excited, talking about it on Facebook.
Cue exh brother calling her and asking how it’s being paid for. She replies DP is. He then proceeded to tell her that there is money in trust for her, she denies as she obviously had no idea. He then accused me of using it to her. She then has some questions for me.

Now I’m being accused of spending her money by uncle, and have had to show her the account to prove otherwise. I am refusing to show him.
He says he is taking me to court for spending her inheritance.

She is fine with it and after talking to her why I kept it quiet, is happy to leave it where it is for her future.

AIBU in thinking it’s none of his business and he shouldn’t have told her about the trust fund.?

OP posts:
Coolegary1 · 15/05/2019 15:03

My single sister made her will recently and has named one of my sons as benefactor. She went to tell him one day all excited, he's 8. I pulled in her sharply to not tell him.
I don't want him thinking he can slack off during school years coz he's a house coming to him.
My sister understood it from my POV. I can see why op didn't tell DD. Plus as kids they'd blab to anyone and lastly I wouldn't want some conniving partner just get with them for.the inheritance....does happen

Acis · 15/05/2019 15:06

Unless the brother is a trustee or executor, he has no right to bring any claims. Not sure if he could get himself appointed guardian or something, but I would have thought he needs to produce at least some evidence that you are not to be trusted. The simple fact that you decline to give your daughter's personal information to someone who has taken so little interest in her throughout her life doesn't seem to me to come close to evidence that you have stolen all her money. I suspect if he goes to see a solicitor he will be told to forget this.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 15:07

namestheyareachanging
I didn’t think you were, I suppose some would find it odd.

That was my fear that if she knew about it at 16yrs it would all be wasted! God how much Jack Wills could one girl have!

She sort of knew she was a beneficiary, she also inherited her fathers share of his mothers will, but never asked how much, so I never told her.

OP posts:
Namestheyareachangin · 15/05/2019 15:07

@Coolegary but surely there's a difference between not telling someone they will be the beneficiary of a will when someone's still alive, and not telling someone they actually are the beneficiary of a will when the person is already dead and the will is in action? I mean until that point a will can always be changed so it's all totally theoretical. I'm just surprised it's legal to keep it a secret once the person has actually died and left the beneficiary the money.

User8888888 · 15/05/2019 15:08

Be aware that she should probably be able to access it from 18 so the chances of you tying it up until 21 are slim. Depending on the size of the sum, it’s not a bad thing that she knows and can learn so it’s not a big shock at 18. I’ve heard people encouraging inheriting young adults to preserve the capital but to spend the income. Depending on the size, she might not be well served by having it all in cash.

Namestheyareachangin · 15/05/2019 15:08

It'll be so good for her to have that nest egg when she's a bit older OP and has a better grasp of the necessities of life. Glad she's so sensible about it!

TeacupDrama · 15/05/2019 15:10

creditors can not chase the next of kin for debts however they can claim against the estate so creditors have to be paid before the residue can be distributed, reasonable attempts must be paid to see if there are debts. ie notice in local paper etc
the executor must not distribute to heirs knowing there are debts if they do distribute money before settling creditors then the executors can be chased up and can be personally liable for negligence in managing the estate
An executor is not liable for debts the estate can not settle as insufficient funds
as you have secured your DD's inheritance and have I hope all the paperwork it will be fine
if he genuinely believed her inheritance was being wasted of course there is recourse but as soon as you showed the official bodies ( not him) the paperwork it would be fine
Sometimes depending on the will you are allowed to spend some of the inheritance on things specifically for the beneficiary examples being health, education ( ie funds for private education) maybe special trips like his holiday

RomanyQueen1 · 15/05/2019 15:10

I know somebody else who did the same OP, she didn't tell her son because she didn't want him growing up depending on it, at 18 he had the money or some of it, but not until he said exactly what he wanted it for. She wanted him to do well at school and not think oh well it doesn't matter I have money. That too developed into a nice nest egg.

cstaff · 15/05/2019 15:11

It makes perfect sense to me not to tell you DD about the money until she is old enough to be make sense of it. My mum gave money to all of her GC recently - just 3K each. The older ones she just handed them a cheque but the younger ones she didn't tell and asked us not to as she doesn't want them to have access to it until they are in college or working and will hopefully use it wisely ????

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 15:11

acis

Could he get himself appointed guardian? Surely he’d need a lot more than the fact I won’t show him her account? You’ve got me worried now.

OP posts:
TheRedBarrows · 15/05/2019 15:12

"Well, I suppose he was right to want to check that it was safe. He shouldn’t have told her, but I can see how it happened."

Not by asking a 14 year old, he wasn't right!
Outrageous behaviour.
And unless he is a Trustee of the fund or a Guardian of the child , which clearly he isn't, it is absolutely none of his business.

What was he even doing, asking on Fb how her trip was being paid for?

TheRedBarrows · 15/05/2019 15:14

Of course he can't get himself appointed Guardian.

And he can't suddenly step in and get himself made a Trustee either, 8 years after a will has been settled.

All my kids investments and money in accounts / ISAs / Bonds pass to them for access at 16.

SinjunRivers · 15/05/2019 15:16

Just make sure that you tell her not to give him any money when she does get it.
He's definitely after some

Osirus · 15/05/2019 15:19

She can’t legally inherit until 18 anyway, so it will have to remain locked anyway until at least then, in an appropriate place decided by the trustees.

The trustees will have the power to advance funds as and when necessary for her benefit, including education.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 15:19

All of exh will etc was dealt with by a solicitors. I had no idea about anything until the solicitor who was the executive wrote and asked me to call him. When I did he informed me that dd was to inherit from her fathers pension and he needed an account in her name to pay it into.

I wasn’t even informed of the funeral details.

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/05/2019 15:19

My kids were left money. I tied it up in a fixed rate bond and they were well over 18 before they could access it.

Like you OP, my kids were told nothing about this and I had a relative kicking off that I had helped myself to their money. I was deeply insulted and it much coloured my view (and my kids’ view) of this relative and we don’t see them any more.

Osirus · 15/05/2019 15:19

Ignore him.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 15:21

sinjunrivers

No chance of that. She’s not that fond of him before this happened.
Only speaks/sees him as she feels obliged as he was daddy’s brother.

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 15/05/2019 15:23

Usually, money inherited by children is held in trust for them until they reach a certain age, although, usually funds can be realised if it's believed it would benefit the child in the meantime, ie most might think of uni, a car for work, deposit for a house, but if you feel she'd still have a reasonable amount for future use then yes the chance in a lifetime experience. If you'd financially struggled some might think it reasonable to draw small sums to ensure your DD was properly feed, had new uniform every couple of years etc.

Let him take you to court (that's if he can get a solicitor whose willing to act). You can show that money has been invested over the years, hasn't been touched, if a sum is drawn so she can go to America, it'll be for her benefit and a lifetime experience. Also, your DD now knows about the money and would be aware that if she has some now, it'll be less for the future.

LakieLady · 15/05/2019 15:24

I think it's a good idea not to tell.

DSS inherited a £40k trust fund when he was 5. His DGF and mother were trustees.

His mother told him about it when he was around 12, and he spent most of his teens coming up with harebrained schemes for things to do with the money. He was a right royal pain in the arse about it, by all accounts.

The trust was written so that they could make him wait until he was 30 for the money, but he'd got pretty sensible by the time he was in his early 20s. When he wanted to buy a house, they had no qualms about releasing the capital (mostly in property) and he had a deposit of over £100k.

Anyway, the details of the trust are none of the uncle's business.

Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 15:24

tinklylittlelaugh
That’s how I feel. They have no reason to think I would do such a thing.
I think it has changed how she sees them now. She gets very defensive of me when they say stuff about me. She knows I have always put her first.

OP posts:
Original poster
RossPoldarksWife · 15/05/2019 15:27

lakielady

Yes that was my concern. That and her suddenly getting “lots of new friends” when she was 16yrs. If I left it until she was 30yrs it would buy her a house outright. This is what I have explained to her.

OP posts:
TheRedBarrows · 15/05/2019 15:28

Do you not have any paperwork which explains how the account is held? Is it just in her name with you listed as the adult?

Did the solicitor / executor not give you a copy of the will or any info about the terms under which it was left? i.e in Trust and if so who the Trustees are?

I would contact the solicitor and make sure the brother is not a Trustee.

AlwaysCheddar · 15/05/2019 15:28

Ignore the ex family, let him take you to court - it won’t happen though!!

horizontalis · 15/05/2019 15:28

I'm just surprised it's legal to keep it a secret Why?

Of course you're not going to tell a small child that they have inherited £££££.

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