To ask if you call your DH everyday when you get off work?

[Justcurious1]

A colleague of mine phones her DH everyday as soon as she gets off work, literally as soon as she gets out of the door. We get off at the same time everyday, and she phones him aswell in her lunch break. I know it's none of my business, but I'm just curious how many of you do this? And if it's a done thing and I'm the odd one out? I sometimes wonder why she doesn't just go home without calling?

I don't ring him - I generally send a text saying 'on my way' but only so he can put the kettle on

I don't usually send any messages during the day unless it's important. I just don't have the time or feel the need. Equally, he doesn't send me messages usually for the same reasons.

We catch up at home.

No. O hardly ever ring dh unless there's actually something I need to say that won't wait. I rarely text him either - the last text was a msg from the garage to say the car's booked in for a service. I sent that over a week ago!

Of course I like and get on with him but I can't be doing with constant messages and phone calls and checking on and I hate to feel as though I'm being watched!

I don't think this is standard behaviour. I might message to tell him something specific but nothing more than that. I have one friend who's DH of many years rings her several times a day to see how she is, which I think is weird, and he definitely isn't controlling (if anything it's the other way round)

DH & I often chat via text messages throughout the day. Obviously not if we're in meetings etc. If I'm busy then I don't answer & vice versa. We have lots to chat about 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly, I always imagine people who feel the need to be in contact that often are either the type of people who need to narrate every single thing to someone ('Here I am turning on my computer, and now I'm going to make a nice cup of tea while it's starting up, oh, the kettle's already boiled, how nice, now where are the teabags? Oh, here they are, I must be blind? Now, spoons, spoons...' etc etc) or half of the kind of joined-at-the-hip couple who like to go about wearing matching fleeces and don't have many other people in their lives

So funny. No imagination at all. We had been married for about 15 yrs before the world of technology became available and it was probably another 10 years after that when it was cheap enough to be available to the mass market so we have had plenty of time working without communicating.

We couldn't be more different, we are certainly not joined at the hip (I send him off to do his "hobby" at every opportunity) But it's so much fun to send little snippets, something the other would like, the odd call about absolutely nothing at all, sometimes to smooth out the end of a row before we meet up again. There are all sorts of reasons we contact each other during the day and none of them - thankfully - because of abuse, coercion or dependency.

So many people living such joyless lives.

Both my dh and I have v stressful busy jobs. We also run our own company. We txt each other and call each other loads. We keep each other going. We boost each other up. We make the other laugh if having a bad day. We rant and moan. We do it out of kindness love and support.
Not an abusive or co dependant gene to be seen. 33 years together.

Yes, we decide who is picking up dc by who gets out first. Before that I'd call most days as I walked to the car. With 3 dc and working 5 days a week there always seems to be some info I need dh to know or ask him about, I also like talking to him.

Anyway, works for us and only an issue if dh didn't like it. If he's busy he doesn't answer. Tbh it probably started after dtds we're born and dh had a big commute. I was home with 3dc under 3 going out of my mind with dh at work 7am to 7pm. Mind you, before that we worked together so have always been around each other.

@BarbarAnna I work in a hospital so can call in lunch or end of day, but also when I'm walking across the site to a meeting or hands free while driving. Dh and I work in the same industry but different organisations so often interesting stuff in his day is interesting to me too and vice versa. Dh is also having issues with some unbelievable members of staff. He manages quite a few but 2 take up all his time with their dramas so he calls to let off steam. I'd rather he did that than bottle it up.

Neither of us is abusive or clingy

Never! I never phone DP while we are working. Even if it's something really important I would text him, then he phones me and that drives me nuts.
Sometimes he works away and gets quite annoyed if I'm busy and say I'll phone him back when I'm free, and then I don't 😂. I just hate being on the phone.

@m0therofdragons it was a genuine question and I never suggested it was abusive etc. Think that was other posters. You needing to chat things through makes perfect sense to me.

I used to, because he made me. I've been living a blissful single life for 8 months now

I have been thinking about when I worked in solicitor's offices. I did so for around 30 years and most of my colleagues took calls from their OH's or made calls to them.

Also every boss I had had their calls come through me and I can't think of one that didn't get calls from the OH's on a regular basis (usually every day, often more than once)

I wonder if it is an age thing as chaos suggests? I was dating my DH long before mobile phones etc and we had a couple of long distance (remember that? ) calls a week and wrote love letters.

We’ve been together over 30 years & don’t use FB, WhatsApp, Messenger or anything like that so we rarely contact each other during the day.

My DP works away in the week (Mon-Fri), I get in at 6pm, kettle on, feed cats, bra off, phone DP.

I don't work. My partner works full time. He messages me on his breaks. Unless I am out shopping or meeting friends etc. So doesn't always. But more I think cause I have health problems as well as being a carer for our daughter who has disabilities, and looking after our toddler plus our teenager too. So just to check I am ok. How any appointments have gone etc

@nokidshere 👏

Ever heard of Howard and Hilda, OP?

No but we chat at lunch and after work on WhatsApp

We Skype quite often during the day. Check on dog and post, that sort of thing.
We call on way home - him more than me - so we can meet to walk dog or get supper on.
We call to ask work advice and to share funny things.

We’ve been together over 30 years & don’t use FB, WhatsApp, Messenger or anything like that so we rarely contact each other during the day.

We've been together nearly 40 and we love technology!

My DP works away in the week (Mon-Fri), I get in at 6pm, kettle on, feed cats, bra off, phone DP.

This is ALL types of wrong..... @maddiemookins16mum, surely it's bra off first? 😂

Been married 32 years, together 36 years... both love tech! Talk during the day as well as after work.

WhatsApp, message etc also.

Yep! The minute I leave the building just to check in with him. It’s actually the most time we have to chat during the week with kids, me studying and him working like a crazy man.

He has no signal where he’s working just now and it’s driving me mad.

this is very alien to me, when I'm at work I'm thinking about work, not DP and him likewise (in fact he wouldn't have his phone on him at all for most of the day)- I might text on my way home but only if I am going to be late etc
As many PPs have said this can be a red flag, many abusive and controlling partners use technology to control, and checking up is part of this, yet to outsiders it can look like loving involvement. I guess what makes the difference is how the person is if they for some reason don't or can't respond or text. If they are relaxed and just say, never mind, I'll be seeing him soon anyway, no bother- then they are probably just one of those very involved lovey dovey couples. But if not being able to send or receive a text makes them anxious, then the red flag is a bit bigger.

My DH calls me every day when he’s having lunch, then he’ll text me on his way home to ask if I want anything picking up from the shops.