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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is £350 per week enough to live on (family of 5)?

331 replies

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 14/05/2019 10:18

DW and I are struggling a bit financially.
Over the last few months, we just seem to be treading water - no additional money saved, credit card/overdraft debt not reducing.

I've worked out that after all our normal bills, mortgage, credit cards, regular kids activities, savings etc we should have about £1400 per month to live on (for food, clothes, presents, eating out etc).

DW thinks this is unreasonable, and that I should ask my parents for help (they are fairly well off, but by no means wealthy).

My argument is that asking my parents is not really a sustainable solution in the long-term - I think we need to fix our spending habits.

She's now not speaking to me , because she thinks my pride is the problem.

There is a smidgen of truth to this - DW and my parents have a frosty relationship, meaning we barely see them (perhaps once per fortnight, for a meal - mainly DW's choice).

I feel uncomfortable asking them for financial help when they don't really get many normal grandparent benefits (proper time with GCs, they never get to holiday with us, GCs have never stayed at their house etc).

Our relationship is largely financial as it is (they help with school trips, uniform, have lent us money in the past), and I dislike this very much (I don't think my parents love it either, but have always been happy to help).

Should I just swallow my pride here?

Or should we try and sort things ourselves?
Is this even possible for £350 per month?

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 14/05/2019 13:36

Grow up, take responsibility and don’t ask your parents for money!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/05/2019 13:39

How often does your wife want to go out for dinner?

ACPC · 14/05/2019 13:44

Aye ok op. Only 350 spare per week eh? Oh the horror Hmm

Original poster
DiscontinuedModelHusband · 14/05/2019 13:45

Not a first time poster.

Definitely not Daily Mail!

Not looking for sympathy, or gloating.

Just looking for some reassurance, which I've had in spades - thank you!

I fully understand there are people who manage with much less, and people who struggle with much less.

OP posts:
lovemeorleaveme · 14/05/2019 13:49

OP that is loads.

Crunchymum · 14/05/2019 13:54

So what was your monthly disposable income before your salary drop?

le1la · 14/05/2019 13:55

I think you need to go to your wife with some solutions, i.e. if we give up X, we'll save £Y per month, which we can spend on Z instead. Give her some options and it'll force her to rejoin the conversation.

I think you also need to sit down and work out where that £1400 a month is going - if it's food shopping, look at changing supermarkets. If it's clothing, can you shop somewhere else? Who is spending the bulk of the £1400?

I think it's plenty of money, but it's clear that the adjustment to your reduced salary didn't happen as it should have. The good thing is that you've realised that now and you can start moving forward from here.

Goingonabeerhunt · 14/05/2019 13:56

I've worked out that after all our normal bills, mortgage, credit cards, regular kids activities, savings etc we should have about £1400 per month to live on (for food, clothes, presents, eating out etc).

So after you have taken care of all bills and education/ hobbies you are left with £1400 for food, clothes and leisure Confused
How is this not enough?!
You don't need to eat out or buy presents or clothes every month

Shock
Goingonabeerhunt · 14/05/2019 13:57

You need to stick to food and savings in my opinion

HollowTalk · 14/05/2019 14:00

Your poor parents. I feel for them having a DIL like that and a son who asks them for money, but has debts and holidays.

I would be really hurt if the only real communication was to beg for money.

justasking111 · 14/05/2019 14:02

I would pay off credit cards. Cut them up. Just use debit cards. Live within your means.

If you are not in debt, why do you need to go to parents?

Aveeno2017 · 14/05/2019 14:02

How many clothes do you need to buy each month? How many times do you need to eat out? How many presents?? £350 each week is quite enough unless your wife wants to live the high life!!

warriorprincessandwidowed · 14/05/2019 14:20

You and your wife are both arseholes.....

You need to get a grip... your wife sounds like a fucking nightmare...

Try 50 pounds a week for food.... and extras.... Angry

babyworry2018 · 14/05/2019 14:26

I think people have made it clear that that is plenty of money to live on.

But to play devils advocate, esp since the wife isn't here to defend herself, I think a lot of people struggle with the reality of what their income gets these days. I have friends in two quite prestigious jobs: an academic and a solicitor. They live near his parents in a house approximately half the size of the one his parents easily afforded on one teachers salary with a SAHM. They have no problem with this but both sets of their parents struggle with the reality that after years of study and long hours of both working their standard of living is lower than the generation before. If they felt the need to get the same size house they would have crippled themselves financially.

Similarly, it might be that OP and his wife work in good, well paying jobs with long hours and have the expectation they should be able to run two cars, have a two week foreign holiday each year, buy the kids an x box/iPhone/insert gadget of the moment for Christmas, have a weekly takeaway and shop in Sainsbury's rather than Lidl. They haven't yet made their peace with that they can only pick two or three of those things, despite being able to afford all of them individually.

A lot of people I know who are high earners still have to be quite careful with money and make choices due to things like expensive childcare. It may well be the case the OPs parents live quite frugally, have made it clear there will be a large inheritance coming and the OP's wife is thinking 'if we had the money now, we could take the children on amazing holidays, if we get it in ten or twenty years time they won't want to come with us anymore'

Not that anything makes it ok to feel entitlement to other people's money. But I think on here and in real life people focus on headline amounts rather than breaking into what that means.

OP: does your wife resent your change of circumstances and feel it's somehow up to you to plug the gap?

BogglesGoggles · 14/05/2019 14:27

That’s loads.

Beaubird83 · 14/05/2019 14:29

Good lord £350 a WEEK spare?! We don’t even get that a MONTH.
We are a two income family on minimum wage, and we manage to pay all our bills, food, clothes, and put £100 a month into savings.
To put your £1400 spare into perspective, that’s only £100 less than our INCOME each month and we are a family of 5.

You most certainly don’t need financial support, you probably need to just realise how lucky you are!

silverliningsa · 14/05/2019 14:39

Jeeez. That's what we have to live off for a month, for a family of 4. So yes I think you're fine!!!

Spanglyprincess1 · 14/05/2019 14:45

Are you kidding? Sorry but my income and Dps with minimum bills leaves less than 100 quid a week after food for living. It's fine and I manage to save.
Thats a lot of spare income.

captainblonde · 14/05/2019 14:48

is this for real? that is more than many have in s month!

00100001 · 14/05/2019 14:54

are you ever going to tell us what you spend your money on currently? Confused

flirtygirl · 14/05/2019 15:44

Op you and your wife sound stupid. Who has that much disposable Income but has debt and let's their parents pay for things??

Thats just crappy entitled behaviour. I think you should be ashamed of yourself.

The debt is easily sorted with that kind of disposable income. If you look at your core spends and cut back in every area of your life then you probably have much more than £1400. Then at least half should go to paying off debt. Once finished then start saving for things you want instead of spending first and paying later.

Crappy attitude and you are not showing your kids a good way to manage money.

Everydaypeople · 14/05/2019 16:19

Get your grabby wife to do one, no wonder your dp don’t like her

bluebluezoo · 14/05/2019 16:24

With this thread and the “150k is nothing” thread my business teaching the rich how to manage their finances is looking more and more viable.

O/p our entire household income is £2k/month. For everything. If you have £1400 disposable after all bills are paid and still getting further into debt you’re doing something wrong.

goose1964 · 14/05/2019 16:30

I seriously hope you never lose your job. Universal Credit is under 500 a month, for both of you. You still need to pay the majority of your council tax. If you have a mortgage you can get a loan to help you. If you rent the amounts for housing are ridiculously low.

Perhaps trying to live like that for a month would put you in a better mindset.

dirtystinkyrats · 14/05/2019 16:34

Why are you not paying off debts as a priority? Getting debt free (other than a mortgage) is more important that meals out or expensive holidays.

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