Is £350 per week enough to live on (family of 5)?

[DiscontinuedModelHusband]

DW and I are struggling a bit financially.
Over the last few months, we just seem to be treading water - no additional money saved, credit card/overdraft debt not reducing.

I've worked out that after all our normal bills, mortgage, credit cards, regular kids activities, savings etc we should have about £1400 per month to live on (for food, clothes, presents, eating out etc).

DW thinks this is unreasonable, and that I should ask my parents for help (they are fairly well off, but by no means wealthy).

My argument is that asking my parents is not really a sustainable solution in the long-term - I think we need to fix our spending habits.

She's now not speaking to me , because she thinks my pride is the problem.

There is a smidgen of truth to this - DW and my parents have a frosty relationship, meaning we barely see them (perhaps once per fortnight, for a meal - mainly DW's choice).

I feel uncomfortable asking them for financial help when they don't really get many normal grandparent benefits (proper time with GCs, they never get to holiday with us, GCs have never stayed at their house etc).

Our relationship is largely financial as it is (they help with school trips, uniform, have lent us money in the past), and I dislike this very much (I don't think my parents love it either, but have always been happy to help).

Should I just swallow my pride here?

Or should we try and sort things ourselves?
Is this even possible for £350 per month?

[Tiredand]

If you were my son I’d say no if you asked me for money in those circumstances, giving you money won’t solve your problems and you’ll soon be back for more. It seems you’ve still to learn how to budget and cut your cloth according to your means and I would help you with that. If you’ve got debts you need to work out how to pay them off, maybe a few years without holidays and buying a cheaper older car to release some cash. £350 per week after regular outgoings is loads.

[ferrier]

All of our expenses (including food) has to be covered by £40-60 a week. It’s a f*ig struggle. We’re a family of 3.

Universal credit at the lowest couples rate is £395 a month so I'm not understanding how you can only have £50ish a week for all expenses.

[Uupumus]

you can live on 30 per week per person foodwise, and the more people makes it easier (this number goes down if you shop at farm foods). my friends have 3 kids and their food bill is 100 a week for some chubby lil kids.
you dont need clothes and dining out every month, so save them as special outings once ivery 3 months, and shove the money into your depts. you should be able to chunk 500 into over drafts / cards every month or so, and get rid of it. (start with the over draft)

as for asking the GPs for money, i wouldent, if they dont like your misses b4 they will really hate her after she sends you beggin when you have that much disposable income. never mind.

[Hotterthanahotthing]

How much debt is the question?.And why are you in debt if your wage was higher before?

[BetsyBigNose]

DH and I both had decently paid jobs until 6 years ago, although I couldn't tell you how much we had 'left over' once the bills were paid, we (DH, me and 2DDs) were able to eat out at least once a month, take trips to a local attraction or the cinema if we fancied it and didn't struggle - but we didn't save anything either!

7 years ago I became very poorly and had to give up working in my 3 days per week, £25k (pro rata) role. About 2 years later DH was forced to quit the career he had loved for nearly 15 years due to work related stress - he had been earning around £45k p.a. In desperation, DH took an entry level admin job on £17k, to keep the wolf from the door.

The last few years have been hard - both financially and because I have been so ill. For the last 16 months, we have had a total income of £22.5k, which left us with £205 per month to 'live on', once Rent, Council Tax, Electricity, Water, Broadband, TV Licence, Mobile Phones, IVA repayment, Car Tax & Car Insurance (plus whatever else I've missed) were paid. So that was £205 to feed and clothe 2 adults and (now) 10 & 12 year old DDs - plus put £10 a week of petrol in our 17 year old car! We have been incredibly lucky that my Parents have paid for school trips, school uniform (including shoes!) and Guides subs and associated trips, which has helped enormously.

My health has improved dramatically since last Christmas (thanks in the most part to a new Consultant, who doggedly refused to give up until he was able to find out exactly what was wrong and get me on the correct medications), so much so in fact, that I was able to start a new, full-time job nearly 3 weeks ago, so at the end of this month; I'll be getting paid! I'm only on £17k per annum (I'll be paying into a pension for the first time at the grand old age of 39 - I have some catching up to do...), but DH has studied and become qualified in his new field and now has a better paying job in a different organisation with a structured salary increase scale, relating to these qualifications and his performance.

The reason I'm telling you all this, is because when I sat down a few weeks ago to work out our new budget; £1,400 per month is the amount we will have left over after the necessities are paid for! Although we have one less child than you OP, we were thrilled by this figure and feel that since we have managed to live so frugally for so long, we should be able to save £400 per month and will still have £1,000 a month left for food and 'general living expenses' - 5 times as much as we've been existing on!

So I'm voting 'Yes!', wholeheartedly! It's certainly possible and even easy from where I'm sitting. I do think that if parents are going to be approached to either give or lend money to their adult children, then it needs to be their own child, rather than the son or daughter in-law who approaches them, but in this instance I think your wife IBU to try and pressure you into asking them, there's simply not a real need for extra cash in your budget as it stands. I'm sure your spending could be reigned in in various places if needs be - particularly on eating out!

Regardless of finances, I would encourage you to spend more time with your parents, to let them have the GCs for sleepovers, have more visits etc. Relationships between children and their GC can be hugely rewarding (and may result in babysitting when you guys fancy a date night!) for all concerned! I hope your DW comes round soon and sees this whole palaver for the nonsense it is. Good luck!

[Beastieboys]

If you have a lot of debt why are you going on holiday ??
You need to sort out your priorities

[Grandmabedbuddy]

Yes, I think £350 per week after bills etc is more than enough to live off. What I find ‘unkind’ in your post is the way you regard your parents, they seem to be good decent grandparents that contribute financially to your childrens lives without little interaction with their grandchildren according to your post, mainly due to your wife. She seems the type to just ‘use’ people for her own financial gain. I’m a grandparent and would hate to feel or be treated this way.

[quietcontentment]

I have that to live off after everything is paid 2 adults and 2 kids and we have money left. I'm struggling to see why you are struggling!

[Ihatehashtags]

So after paying for everything you have 350 pounds left??

[Clutterbugsmum]

Hotterthanahotthing

How much debt is the question?.And why are you in debt if your wage was higher before?

I also asked that question, but OP won't answer I suspect it because he knows full well the issue is not how much money they have left after bills, but how much debt they have and both of their spending issues.

[Exhaustedpanda]

We have half of that every month after bills. We still make small savings, go on holiday and the children go to clubs etc. You must have a lot of out goings to spend so much every month after bills/mortgage and still be in debt! There’s no way I would be asking parents for help with that much disposable income.

[Qweenbee]

I'm more interested about the relationship you/your wife have with your parents.
Has she turned you against them?

I'm saying this as I watch from afar, how one wife in our extended family has isolated her husband from his otherwise close family. They do loads with her family but he's been insidiously alienated from his own.

Have you always not been that interested in your parents? Does you're Dw really have reason to dislike them? Look at the relationship honestly.

It does seem as if there is some serious issues in your marriage if your Dw is refusing to cut her cloth according to her means. With planning, your budget is loads. Is she also responsible for the dc missing out on a great relationship with great gps for no real reason?

[CountryGirl1234]

5 kids is a lot, so I’m thinking £20 per week each child covers some sort of activity, lessons or event, maybe another £50 (total) so the older ones, say 3 can have a little pocket money or younger ones attend a birthday party etc covers gifts and whatnot. So that’s £150 gone.
Is the fuel coming out of that for play time??
Then there’s £130 a week food, 3 meals a day for 5 people is 105 meals per week... assuming your not eating rubbish but not necessarily Waitrose Dutchy either.. still only allows £1.20 per meal each...
Where are we £280.. so £70 for the rest per week, imagine £5 bottle of wine by-weekly for the in laws meal, pets? Clothes? New shoes? Once a week say and no ones been out for a meal yet, but the kids have done their bit.. so yes I can see how once accustomed to a standard of living it may feel that’s your tightening your belt but assuming the kids did nothing, all go out for a meal riding lessons or whatever became fortnightly instead or get the older ones out washing cars, working a Saturday job etc? You could manage and still ‘keep up appearances’ as I’m sure this weighs on your wife’s mind. No it’s not reasonable to ask your parents for money, assuming your parents have given her a reason for her to dislike them? If not that’s a bit weird, but fortnightly is still quite a lot! And I’m sure they are welcome over, maybe they can come take children out or picnic or something? Maybe they can visit you, we have similar struggles and my parents are nearby and my partners ‘hardly see us’ but don’t make the effort to either.

Two sides, maybe your wife is looking for them to help out more and show willing. Financial isn’t required but definitely standard of living needs to change and she needs to know it’s ok to say no to the kids on big spends.

[CountryGirl1234]

By similar struggles I mean hardly seeing grandparents on his side but we do when we can.
We don’t have disposable income of this sum or any but we don’t live on the breadline either and believe in kids having activities. It is however a luxury and holiday doesn’t come before debts. A staycation maybe more on the cards.

[Poppyinafieldofdreams]

Social media are used by the press to fill column inches and also to control the voters. It has reached a point where we should leave if the media concerned cannot control the validity of postings.

This thread is couched in language that appears to be fishing for a particular response to back up a newspaper article.

It is not real.

[MrsBethel]

That's loads of money.

Cut out the waste and I bet you can halve your outgoings without any noticeable drop in quality of life.
www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/stop-spending-budgeting-tool/

[Oldenoughtobeanana]

More than enough. Managed on a lot less. Shouldn't have booked a holiday if you can't afford it.

[Tensixtysix]

Cut out the eating out for a start! And clothes. No one needs to replace their threads that much each month!
And start saving!

[CitadelsofScience]

CountryGirl it's three kids, a family of five.

Op I'm astonished you are even questioning if it's doable. We have a comfortable life and in theory could buy what we want. But we don't because we like to make sure we have funds in savings accounts.

I think your dw sounds dreadful. Neither of us would ask our parents for money, even though both sets are well off, because we cut our cloth accordingly and are sensible. This is what you need to be doing.

And make Aldi your new best friend, take your Waitrose bags with you if you're embarrassed of the neighbours discovering where you shop. But you and your wife could save a lot of money shopping there.

[comingintomyown]

Your wife sounds spoilt and immature, she’s not speaking to you because you won’t go asking your parents for a hand out so she can continue living the lifestyle she presumably lived before your work circumstances changed ? Tell her no and no holidays or non essential items until your debts are paid she how she reacts to that

[comingintomyown]

I agree this probably isn’t real surely nobody is that stupid

[Gth1234]

@OP

And cut out the £100 hairdresser and nail bar appointments. I bet you waste hundreds a month, thousands a year on fripperies.

[LakieLady]

We were talking about this thread at work today.

One of my colleagues wondered if your wife has been squirrelling money away in an escape fund, OP!

[Snog]

LTB

[Raggerty54]

@ferrier

Because I also have rent, bills to pay, a car to run (we can’t afford to use it much anymore but it costs money anyway) and we still have to pay council tax (albeit with a reduction of £20 off). We get £1070 a month to pay everything with. Baby formula costs at least £20 a week. After rent we’re left with £400 to pay for everything for the whole month. I’ve just been crippled because I had to buy ds some bigger tops and vests from Primark!

Ask me how exactly I’m supposed to spend more than £50 a week on food and luxuries? In reality we sometimes have less than that to spend by the end of the month.

Dp spends all day looking for jobs so this isn't some sort of lifestyle choice.