Is £350 per week enough to live on (family of 5)?

[DiscontinuedModelHusband]

DW and I are struggling a bit financially.
Over the last few months, we just seem to be treading water - no additional money saved, credit card/overdraft debt not reducing.

I've worked out that after all our normal bills, mortgage, credit cards, regular kids activities, savings etc we should have about £1400 per month to live on (for food, clothes, presents, eating out etc).

DW thinks this is unreasonable, and that I should ask my parents for help (they are fairly well off, but by no means wealthy).

My argument is that asking my parents is not really a sustainable solution in the long-term - I think we need to fix our spending habits.

She's now not speaking to me , because she thinks my pride is the problem.

There is a smidgen of truth to this - DW and my parents have a frosty relationship, meaning we barely see them (perhaps once per fortnight, for a meal - mainly DW's choice).

I feel uncomfortable asking them for financial help when they don't really get many normal grandparent benefits (proper time with GCs, they never get to holiday with us, GCs have never stayed at their house etc).

Our relationship is largely financial as it is (they help with school trips, uniform, have lent us money in the past), and I dislike this very much (I don't think my parents love it either, but have always been happy to help).

Should I just swallow my pride here?

Or should we try and sort things ourselves?
Is this even possible for £350 per month?

It's annoying me cos everyone's biting.

I'm usually slightly incredulous about parents who could afford to help out adult kids and choose not to but in this case your wife's being ridiculous. It sounds like you've been living beyond your means so you need to re evaluate your lifestyle but you have enough for essentials (bills, food etc) and actually a very healthy amount on top of that for luxuries. It would be very unreasonable to ask your parents to subsidise your lifestyle which is already very comfortable.

You just need to sit down and write out a very strict weekly budget. For example £100-150 a week on food. Maybe £50 put aside into savings for unexpected expenses/clothes/special days out etc. Allowances for the kids (if they're old enough this should cover clothes, going out with friends etc so they manage their own money). Then whatever is left is spending money for that week. If you have trouble sticking to it then take it out in cash each week so you know you're not overspending.

I can't advance search on my phone, is this a first time poster?

Sounds as though you are just comfortably off enough not to pay too much attention to your financial outgoings, but are realising that without being topped up by others you are in danger of falling off the financial cliff. Time to take charge of your finances and savings. By making small changes you will be more aware of where your money disappears to and will be more in control.

For a start cut up your credit cards, except for one emergency only card which you never take out ! Then focus on paying off your credit card debts, get them all consolidated onto an interest free if you can but pay off ASAP. Shame you booked a holiday, that money would have been better spent paying off current debts, but it's done now.

Set up savings accounts, either by a direct debit or with an account that automatically sorts money into different "pots" . You can also do those rounding up savings accounts too, you won't even notice it.

Work out what cash you and your partner need, and make yourselves a daily cash allowance. No cards! Any cash not spent goes into a physical pot and is either added to your savings as a cash deposit every month or re issued for your daily allowance.

Start taking packed lunches, not buying expensive coffee.

You have three children, you are adults and need to start behaving like adults and not relying on your parents for support. If nothing else you need to be teaching your children how to manage money, it's a valuable lesson.

Relative? God, do people have to roll out the word relative in every conversation about money? When the £1400 per month is disposable income the only thing it is relative to is entitlement.

1. You’re living in a bubble.

1. You’re shit with money and choices (holiday took your savings, but you have debt? Grow up!)

1. Why don’t you make sure that you have a good relationship - which is about more than fleecing them - with your parents?

No not a first time poster ssd. Been here for years according to AS.

It sounds to me that you need to keep a spending diary and actually work out where your money is going.
If you are used to a higher income, then it may be you have regular payments then amount to a fair deal. For example, DS takes part in a sport that costs us around £150 a month. Which we are fine with as we can afford it, but if we were on a different income, he wouldn't have been encouraged to start it. Likewise, you might be used to (e.g.) shopping in Waitrose rather than Aldi, so there are easy cost savings you can make.

If you'd framed the post "I've got £600 (or whatever it is) less a month to live on, where can I make savings?" you'd have got more positive answers.

So basically, £350 p.w. AFTER you have paid all your bills AND put money into savings.

You are in an incredibly fortunate position, and your DW is being entitled and a CF. Two of the worse Mumsnet sins to commit.

*It always mystifies me how some people can be so useless with money, and seemingly low on the intelligence scale to blow such a huge amount of money, yet they have somehow managed to snare a great paying job. Dumb luck or serious tunnel vision and a lack of transferable skills between professional and private lives?

I just don't get it. Whilst i'm sure its not your intention OP, i kind of find your post insulting to people that are genuinely struggling on low incomes, and dare i say it, benefits*.

This, all over!

Family of 4 here living off £1400 a month for bills, rent, car insurance, food, clothes for 2 small ever growing kids, literally everything.
Kind of hard to swallow some of these threads with people with more money spare at the end of the month than we have to live on all month.
It always astounds me how the other half live.
We do still get small treats and I am very happy with my close family.
Each to their own but less value needs to be taken on the materialistic shite.
We all want more money (honestly, we do) but if there isn't any then we work within our budgets as best as we can.

My entire household income is 1600 a month and we get by with holidays and all

Blimey, that is absolutely loads! I live in London and it's still bloody loads!

Prioritise paying down your debt. Eat out less/only for special occasions and have staycations for a few years. We did this to pay off an Ikea kitchen that we bought with interest free credit for 2 yrs. I love holidays but I still view them as a luxury which is the first to go when I want to cut back on spending.

So for a while no eating out.Meal pllan and order on line,(stops impulse buying)that will give you some idea of where you are frittering money.
Pay off your debts as quickly as possible,look at saving on bills,insurance etc.
Keep going until you are on a even keel.Bit do these things with your DW not impose it.
Ps the holiday is madness with debts.

Your £1400 is more than my DS earns before tax.

Shop at asda or aldi, have one night a month where you eat out, and one takeaway, in different weeks. That way you won't feel like you are giving everything up.

Honestly, having been on the bones of our arses as a family of 4 in the past, and struggling to pay bills and not having even £140 a month disposable income, it can be done but it involves creativity and sacrifice. And one way we dealt with it was by both getting second jobs on top of our full time jobs.

MsHopey I agree with what you said! Honestly posts like this really make me feel fed up. Try just covering your basic bills some months and worrying if you can afford them or when you do think oh next month will be a good month and we will have some spare to put away something comes along to take that bit of money like a car expense etc, it's a never ending cycle of trying to catch up and get infront. We are a family of 4 and we NEVER spend £100 a week on shopping, that would be a luxury which is what I see alot of families being able to do which is great btw! And we both work. Tell your wife to open her eyes and maybe rekindle your relationship with your parents that you wife has warped you over. omg angry!

It's perfectly doable.

Like previous people have said. You need to sit down and actually see where you're spending.

How much is your current debt OP?

Seems immoral for your DW to want to sponge off your parents when she can't stand them.

Clearly you have plenty of money already - I'd be embarrassed to ask for help from parents if I had that much money.

It sounds like your wife has yearnings for other people’s earnings. For the sake of your bank balance I’d get rid. But only after your youngest turns 18, you don’t want to get fleeced for child support.

My parents were always very generous to us but we would have had to been really on our uppers to actually touch them up for cash.

To be fair to the OP, I wouldn't like to have to rely on 1400pcm for food and "spends". However I could easily for a family of 4 (now adult).

The OP and DW have become confused between want and need and need quickly to learn how to cut their cloth.

Oyr DC are all but grown and if they needed help they would get it. If they were tiddling money up the wall on non essential wants they would get a tongue lashing and help setting a budget.

Aside from that, if dw wants more, how about you ask her parents?

Visiting gp's fortnightly seems completely normal to me. We used to visit a couple of times a year due to distance, jobs, etc.

I'm perplexed at the expectation that parents should be funding a lifestyle?

190 a week here for a family of 5, after bills thats including nappies, taxis and the odd takeaway and to be fair I feel like I waste some of it on small treats. (wine, PlayStation money and tòys/books for the littlies)) I could live on less though, have done so before. Depends what youre doing with it though e.g kids activities, travel meals all needs to be taken into consideration. It's not really for us to judge, you need to sit down witg your wife and write doen all income and expenditures, you mentioned having a lot of debt so that ideally needs prioritising which will mean vittin. back on luxuries of course.

I don't think you have your numbers right here, £1400 pcm is closer to £320 per week.

You say you have calculated this after 'normal bills' but did you include provision for one off type bills such as the annual car MOT, travel insurance, Christmas?

There needs to be flexibility within the budget and that means living far below your means so you have more scope for one off expenses and unexpected bills.

As a family of four our disposable income is equal to yours, however our weekly budget is £185 strictly. I sell our used goods if no longer needed and mend/ repair where possible rather than replace.

Some of our 'disposable income' goes to overpay the mortgage because it is our priority to fund our children through uni and I need the mortgage gone before we can do that.

What are your long term financial priorities? Have you discussed these with your wife? It seems she is living day to day without regard even to next week if she's not even budgeting for school uniforms.

If you borrow from your parents they will feel entitled to pass comment on every holiday, every treat, every decision that you make and it will damage their fragile relationship with your wife not repair it.

please excuse my awful spelling, have a wriggly baby on my lap.