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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex leaving 15 year old home alone.

110 replies

youngone · 13/05/2019 23:44

Ok so

I was away last weekend with the kids. 15 year old decided he didnt want to go so I arranged for him to stay with my mum.

My ex and I are on pretty good terms so when 15 year old text to say he wanted to go home grans internet was rubbish and she was looking after 3 under 8s overnight. I asked ex if he would mind staying in mine that night with 15 year old he said fine. He was working until 11ish and son was going home at 7ish.

So the next morning I text lol did you see 15 year old last night (typical teenager playing games). And he text back that he had tried to phone 15 year old and couldn't get hold of him so he didnt go round!!!

1st 15 yo s phone is broken so he cant get WhatsApp make calls only fb messager on wifi. 2nd wtf he didnt even check with me who could have confirmed he was home.

I was furious and exs arguement was hes 15 chill out.

So I phoned 15 yo who was fine he had waited until 1am for his dad then locked the door and went to bed.

So even though it all worked out ok aibu refusing to speak to ex?

I trusted him too look after my son which he didnt do! He couldn't get hold of him so his answer was just to not bother (for me not getting hold of him is more reason to phone mum or nana to check where he is then check on him!!)

My son was left overnight alone with only internet contact. He had no warning he would be alone. And I had already discussed this with my ex and explained I wasnt happy leaving him.

Never mind the fact that had something happened I would have been the one left explaining!!

OP posts:
tabardtherapist · 13/05/2019 23:45

He's 15. You're making a big deal about nothing.

Singlenotsingle · 13/05/2019 23:48

Aren't you overreacting a bit? DS is 15. He could get married at 16! I'm sure he was fine. He sounds a sensible lad. I just hope he wasn't too disappointed if he'd been hoping to see his dad.

19lottie82 · 13/05/2019 23:49

Unless your son has form for being irresponsible, then I’d say you’re over reacting.

tobermory29 · 13/05/2019 23:49

I agree with you OP. I would not be happy about this!

ilovesooty · 13/05/2019 23:50

It seems a bit strange to me. 15 is quite old enough to be in the house on his own.

Costacoffeeplease · 13/05/2019 23:51

He’s 15, not 5, and if he’s not fazed by the situation, then all’s fine

Original poster
youngone · 13/05/2019 23:54

I was more angry at the fact had he said no I would have made 15yo stay with my mum. And that no one knew he was home alone as far as my mum and I were concerned his dad was with him and ex claims he didnt realise he was home!!

OP posts:
CIT80 · 13/05/2019 23:55

I would be furious ! I wouldn’t leave my very sensible 15 year old overnight alone - I thought it was illegal to leave a child under 16 overnight

BlackcurrantJamontoast · 13/05/2019 23:58

I thought it was illegal to leave a child under 16 overnight

No. It isn't illegal to leave a child of any age home alone.

The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.

CIT80 · 14/05/2019 00:00

Hi Jamintoast I just checked and it’s not illegal but not advised to leave under 16 overnight

rotrue · 14/05/2019 00:00

It’s fine to be annoyed that he let you done and he was a bit casual with his son - I agree he should have made more of an attempt to check he was ok. You sound a bit juvenile threatening not to speak to the father of your child - what is that? His punishment?- it just sounds silly, petty and impractical and something I have to convince my teen dd not to - tell him why you were not happy and move on, don’t show your dc that the way to solve problems is by sulking and the silent treatment.

JustLooking2019 · 14/05/2019 00:01

I would be fuming. Yes he’s probably old enough to take of himself for one night but that wasn’t the plan and like you say, your mum and ex both thought the boy was with the other!

Original poster
youngone · 14/05/2019 00:01

Not illegal but recommended that a child under 16 isn't left home alone. And if anything happened you are at risk of being charged with neglect!

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 14/05/2019 00:02

Seems a massive overreaction to me.

And I don’t see how ‘not talking to ex’ achieves anything but looking a bit odd to be honest.

Snowglobes · 14/05/2019 00:03

The law isn’t very clear BUT...
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children ( NSPCC ) says: children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time. children under 16 shouldn't be left alone overnight.

  • agree your ex should have called the grandma/you to ensure not home alone
  • why didn’t your son Whats App your ex to ask where he was?
  • but not talking to ex won’t help. Sounds like a massive misunderstanding rather than anything deliberate.
Milkand2sugarsplease · 14/05/2019 00:04

Blimey I was home alone fairly regularly at 15 as my mum worked nights and by the time I was 15 my sister who was then 18/19 was away some weekends so if she was away a weekend my mum worked, then I was home alone.

Circs around your situation weren't great and I can see why you'd be pissed with ex but i don't think it's worth getting too wound up over.

cstaff · 14/05/2019 00:04

His age is irrelevant. It is the fact that he was expecting his dad and because his dad wasn't able to contact him he just didn't bother turning up. I would be livid about that.

The boy could have been worried that something had happened to his dad. His dad just didn't give a shit about his own kid. That carry on is so irresponsible for a grown man.

Dippypippy1980 · 14/05/2019 00:05

I think at 15 it’s a judgement call.

Neither you nor your ex have decided that your child should be home alone overnight - so when your ex couldn’t reach your son he should have gone to the house to check if he was there. It’s odd he just assumed he wasn’t.

So you are not being unreasonable.

BlackcurrantJamontoast · 14/05/2019 00:06

Your mother /you have more liability in this than your ex. You were happy for him to be alone until 11pm. You left him with a phone that didn't work (House phone?) How would he have called 999 if needed at 10pm?

Pot Kettle Black and all that

Original poster
youngone · 14/05/2019 00:06

Yes you're right. To be honest falling out with him is part of a bigger picture :-( he wanted to leave the 13 year old with adhd home alone the week before!!

My son has autism and he doesn't really go out etc but I'm not 100% sure how he would react in an emergency situation! As well as the fact it's not unheard of for him to leave the cooker on and go to bed or sleep through the smoke alarm!!

I have explained that I'm not happy about it and his attitude is basically he doesn't see a problem so tough.

To be honest there isn't really any need for us to speak to each other it's just we had been getting along relatively well

OP posts:
HappyMama01 · 14/05/2019 00:11

Pretty sure you can use WhatsApp through the internet

Lifeandbeans · 14/05/2019 00:11

I think the issue here is that the boy was expecting Dad and waited up for him and potentially could have been worried where he was.

My DD is 16 but has Sen so I wouldn't leave her overnight.
I stayed alone babysitting someone else's child at this age though.

I watched a program a few months ago where a man was arrested and his 14 year old left home alone for the time he was in custody (possibly the 24 hours program)

I wouldn't be thrilled but I think I would let it go tbh.

Original poster
youngone · 14/05/2019 00:12

True I felt he would be ok for the 3 hours. I had spoken to him a few times throughout it before I went to bed at 11 I checked he was ok and assured him his dad would be back by 11pm.

In hindsight I should have just made him stay at his nanas. The phone he has can contact 999.

Just not anyone else had the internet went off.

OP posts:
Original poster
youngone · 14/05/2019 00:14

Happymama01 his phone is in for repair and the one he has doesn't work with his sim so he couldn't get a text to set up whatsapp

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 14/05/2019 00:14

TBH, you were taking the piss a bit, asking your ex, at very short notice, to stay in your house rather than his own home after he was working until 11.00 at night. No one’s going to want to do that. He should have said no there and then, but how do you tend to react if he says no to you?

Was there any reason why your son couldn’t have gone to his dad’s place?

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