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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex leaving 15 year old home alone.

110 replies

youngone · 13/05/2019 23:44

Ok so

I was away last weekend with the kids. 15 year old decided he didnt want to go so I arranged for him to stay with my mum.

My ex and I are on pretty good terms so when 15 year old text to say he wanted to go home grans internet was rubbish and she was looking after 3 under 8s overnight. I asked ex if he would mind staying in mine that night with 15 year old he said fine. He was working until 11ish and son was going home at 7ish.

So the next morning I text lol did you see 15 year old last night (typical teenager playing games). And he text back that he had tried to phone 15 year old and couldn't get hold of him so he didnt go round!!!

1st 15 yo s phone is broken so he cant get WhatsApp make calls only fb messager on wifi. 2nd wtf he didnt even check with me who could have confirmed he was home.

I was furious and exs arguement was hes 15 chill out.

So I phoned 15 yo who was fine he had waited until 1am for his dad then locked the door and went to bed.

So even though it all worked out ok aibu refusing to speak to ex?

I trusted him too look after my son which he didnt do! He couldn't get hold of him so his answer was just to not bother (for me not getting hold of him is more reason to phone mum or nana to check where he is then check on him!!)

My son was left overnight alone with only internet contact. He had no warning he would be alone. And I had already discussed this with my ex and explained I wasnt happy leaving him.

Never mind the fact that had something happened I would have been the one left explaining!!

OP posts:

AlaskanOilBaron · 14/05/2019 10:03

I think being alone overnight at 15 is probably fine in lots of cases, but to me that's not really the issue.

I agree that it's not the issue but I'm pretty surprised at the number of people who think 15 is old enough to stay alone overnight.

I really wouldn't consider it until around 17.

Bookworm4 · 14/05/2019 10:10

Honestly, the drama queens on here: it's illegal to leave them, I wouldn't leave them until they are 17!! I'm assuming none of these kids will be allowed to go away to uni or go travelling? How do you expect them to cope in the real world without mummy standing over them?
At 17 they could be married with a child, untie the apron strings and bring up independent capable young people.

DreamsOfDownUnder · 14/05/2019 10:33

I moved out at 16, nothibg wrong with leaving a 15 year old.

Mountain, molehill.

Jaimemai · 14/05/2019 10:34

Didn't many of us babysit some one elses children overnight alone at 15? I did, and all of my cousins and friends did.

Ihatehashtags · 14/05/2019 10:39

It’s legal at 14 . Chill out

justarandomtricycle · 14/05/2019 10:40

What's uni got to do with it?

Set aside the age you can be left alone for a second. Can anyone here honestly say they would agree to look after a 15 year old, then by the end of the night not even really know where they are and just shrug , say fuck it and go to bed without mentioning this to anyone or checking?

OP managed to get an idea of where DC was because she is a normal person not a shit one. I bet everyone here would make sure they at least knew the young person was alive and where they were, or let the parent know they were unable to reach them. Regardless of whether they are old enough to be left alone.

Original poster

youngone · 14/05/2019 10:40

Just to clarify he has blocked me from contacting him because I told him it was ridiculous that he didnt think to contact me when he couldn't get hold of 15 year old. He is expecting me to get hold of him and apologise.

I had told him his phone wasnt working properly and I even set up Alexa so he can drop in to the house. And he could have got him on fb messager.

I conceed that perhaps I am being over protective of the 15 year old but surly the fact that he also didnt think to contact anyone to let them know his dad didnt show up is testament to the fact he shouldn't be left home alone over night.

It is something that had been discussed and I wasnt happy with it. But I'm surprised at the number of people who would be fine with just leaving your child over night with no warning!! As for it being my fault! In my mind I had done everything possible. My mum unexpectedly had 3 extra young children staying over night so it suited everyone for my son to head home that night it wasnt just on his whim had it not been suitable he would have been told no. Like he was told no he couldn't stay in the house alone!!

It's a lesson learnt and I am glad to know my son was responsible enough to lock the door at 1am when he realised his dad wasnt coming (though he shouldn't have had to sit waiting for him).

OP posts:

justarandomtricycle · 14/05/2019 10:45

You are not being over-protective. DC could have been missing all that time for want of the man's lack of basic human competence.

You had to establish that your child was safely at home, someone who committed to knowing where he was and that he was ok didn't give a shit.

Literally laugh at him the next time he acts lkke an apology is warranted, he's not fit to look after a goldfish.

CinnabarRed · 14/05/2019 11:11

Just a thought, but does your ex have a key to your place? If I’d worked a shift until 11pm, then trogged to someone’s house only to find that they weren’t in then I’d have been mighty pissed off - and so I’d call first.

Not sure what I’d do if no answer - I might just assume that the 15 year old had stayed at his nan’s after all.

GabsAlot · 14/05/2019 19:22

id be more worried about my dad not turning up than anything else was he worried about him

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