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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what’s the longest you’ve been without sex?

111 replies

JonSnowIsALoser · 13/05/2019 18:32

What’s the longest you’ve been without sex? What were the reasons? Did you cope with it OK? How? Or was it unbearable? Did you end up shagging someone random? Or waited for a new committed relationship?

I’m starting to miss it after 2 years of being happily sex-free (divorce in progress) and I’m feeling a bit lost to be honest. I’m in my mid-forties, is that it for me then?

OP posts:
SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 13/05/2019 20:24

Around a year.Made up for it after I left my sexless marriage though.

iwantanewusername · 13/05/2019 20:25

3 years and counting! Not even sure how to start dating etc - ExH was my first bf and then I married (and divorced) him.

As much as I want it, I can't see it happening anytime soon. My self esteem is shot to shit, I was crap at dating when I was younger and now am older and fatter (thanks to the years of comfort eating to help me cope with the divorce and living with the ex throughout that process).

pickletickled · 13/05/2019 20:30

Around 12 months.
Pretty much intermittent for the last 4 years of a 6 year relationship tbh (ex enjoyed with holding sex, used it as a form of control etc)
This was a massive factor in why I ended the relationship, not the only one but a large part nonetheless.
The actual thing that drove my decision was I was kind of tempted to cheat because of it. Not that I planned it or anything - guy paid me a lot of attention, I knew what he wanted and where it would lead, the thought actually crossed my mind so I distanced myself from the situation and knew I had to split with the ex as I knew I couldn't continue as I was and no way did I want to be a cheat.
I missed it a lot, I was mid thirties at that point and had a fairly high sex drive before I got with him.
Was single for a good while after the split and decided I needed would like a FWB.....he's now my husband. He's my best friend and I still get regular benefits :)

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 13/05/2019 20:32

Almost a year, went right off it in pregnancy and just have zero libido now. DS is five months and sleeps through so no practical reasons just really don't feel like it. I am still breastfeeding and no period yet so thinking it might be hormonal? DH is very understanding

QueenofmyPrinces · 13/05/2019 20:33

This thread is such a refreshing change from all the threads that ask how often we do have sex which usually ends up with a lot of women feeling bad about themselves when they don’t measure up to other people.

About 2.5 years over here: bad pregnancy, extended breast feeding, no libido, crazy life, stressful job, tiring children, always drained etc etc At the end of the day I just want to go to bed, not have sex.

I’m hoping things can return to normal soon but as things stand, sex just isn’t on my radar.

Wasafatmum42 · 13/05/2019 20:34

omg Im part of the cobweb club at work I thought my 9 months detox was bad lol I do miss that closeness

featherflight · 13/05/2019 20:36

9 months between partners when I was in my twenties.
Then about 12 months after the birth of first child. Was such a traumatic delivery it took me time afterwards to start to enjoy it again. I have always had such a high drive before that and was even having sex at over 40weeks pregnant. Second child was conceived as soon as we started again, DH was hoping for more TTC after such a long spell without! Although it’s been much better after the birth of DC2.

BayandBlonde · 13/05/2019 20:38

Currently about 9 months following a split from my ex last year. Before him it was about 12 months going without.

I'm still single and for the time being I'm happy with no sex Smile

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 13/05/2019 20:43

About 4 months, and that was when me and exdp split, then I gained a FWB. Now I’ve been seeing a guy and in a proper relationship for over a year. I’m on 7 different meds and also have bipolar, so when my mood is elevated I want sex several times a day🙈. I couldn’t imagine living without sex, that thought really depresses me.

Enb76 · 13/05/2019 20:46

10 years and counting - I’m not too bothered really. Seems like a lot of hassle for not much reward.

U2HasTheEdge · 13/05/2019 20:46

Hmmm. 3 or 4 years I think.

Alena92 · 13/05/2019 20:46

4 years thanks to vaginismus. Miraculously recovered one day and I’ve been fine for the last 2 years thankfully

ConkerGame · 13/05/2019 20:50

2 years when single. I really missed it and ended up doing it in a FWB type situation that I knew would end badly, and did. I was quite broken afterwards!

Luckily I met now DP two months later and the rest is history!

darkskyclearing · 13/05/2019 20:51

Absolutely aghast at those posters saying they didn't have sex for the first few weeks after giving birth! Only the first few weeks! Bloody hell.

slashlover · 13/05/2019 20:54

Nearly 41 years and counting.

TheFairyCaravan · 13/05/2019 20:57

6 months, on quite a few occasions, while DH has been deployed.

SimonJT · 13/05/2019 20:58

Actual sex about 18 months, other stuff with another person about four weeks.

cookiemon666 · 13/05/2019 20:59

3 years 1 month, since I stopped loving my ex husband. Honestly donot miss it

NCforThisO6 · 13/05/2019 21:02

About 4/5 weeks. Split up with somebody then got with somebody new.
Didn't even wait that long after childbirth 🙈

Echobelly · 13/05/2019 21:03

Since I started (fairly late at 21)... probably not more than a year, when I didn't have a partner. I wouldn't have noticed especially I'm not a massive fan of sex.

Since I got married the longest has been probably just under 3 months when I developed sharp pelvic pain when doing the deed in the last 8 weeks of pregnancy, then just under a month recovering from c-section and generally having a newborn.

LetsDialDownTheIanPaisley · 13/05/2019 21:03

3 years and counting. Single parent to a 3 year old

VanGoghsDog · 13/05/2019 21:23

I've gone years in between at times.

But age isn't the issue, I'm 51 and have just started seeing a guy, I'm staying at his next weekend.

I last had sex in December.

Age shouldn't be a barrier!

TheSandman · 13/05/2019 21:25

16 years.

Then I lost my virginity.

Original poster
JonSnowIsALoser · 13/05/2019 21:29

Thank you everyone! Good to know my position is not as unusual as I thought, Flowers to those of you who miss it.

To answer a PP’s question, by ‘sex’ I mean an intercourse with a partner.

Toys are great - I discovered them recently. More satisfying and efficient that the ex. But alas they don’t give hugs, and are lacking on the sexy talk front.

I always thought I had a low libido, but it seems to have been the result of being on the pill for most of twenty-odd years. I’ve been off the pill for two years now as it is no longer necessary, and my hormones are gradually getting bonkers.

I’d love to hear more from you.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 13/05/2019 21:35

4 weeks. When I was in hospital and immediately afterwards.

Apart from that, say one and a half weeks. I’m crawling up the wall Fter that. I have been sexually active since 14/15. No regrets. In my 40s now.

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