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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask what’s the longest you’ve been without sex?

111 replies

JonSnowIsALoser · 13/05/2019 18:32

What’s the longest you’ve been without sex? What were the reasons? Did you cope with it OK? How? Or was it unbearable? Did you end up shagging someone random? Or waited for a new committed relationship?

I’m starting to miss it after 2 years of being happily sex-free (divorce in progress) and I’m feeling a bit lost to be honest. I’m in my mid-forties, is that it for me then?

OP posts:
Youngandfree · 13/05/2019 19:47

Maybe 3/4 months when me and dh were long distance.

BMW6 · 13/05/2019 19:51

DH and I haven't DTD for about 8 years. I lost my libido entirely post menopause and (luckily) DH can't get an erection anymore, so we are both on the same page as it were.
We are still very affectionate and demonstrative with each other, and most importantly talk about how we feel completely honestly.

I have to say I don't miss it at all - never thought I'd lose the urge, as we shagged like rabbits the first seven or so years (met each other late in life - we were FWB to start with).

QueenofallIsee · 13/05/2019 19:54

5 years and I got used to it - my relationship was dying by inches and I didn’t see him in a sexual way to be honest. We split and I met my DP....I am climbing the walls if we go 3 days with DTD. He is mighty fine though Wink

meeeeps58 · 13/05/2019 19:55

4 years was the longest. I became a single mum in pregnancy and remained so for the first 3.5 years of his life. I have a high libido, so was far from ideal but luckily extended breast feeding kept my hormones at bay and I really did need a break from dating in order to concentrate ds and studying/sorting out work ect.

  Current dry spell over 18 months now, and frankly complete shit. I know it shouldn't be hard to find something casual, and whilst I think that can work in the right circumstances, (in times of abundance) I think I would feel a bit rubbish knowing that  it was nothing to him, as I would automatically ascribe meaning to . Also what if he disappears after one shag? It would be like having a single crisp after a week of fasting....
Laiste · 13/05/2019 19:55

2 weeks.

Erosisaprick · 13/05/2019 19:55

Nearly two years 😭 single parent here too.

novasglowx · 13/05/2019 19:57

Just over a year. Drove me mad. Then I tripped and fell on the postman. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Dottysmum18 · 13/05/2019 19:57

6 months and counting stopped due to a spinal surgry for my dp and due to stress of 4 operations in 2 years another dc , going back to work ,money worries i have put on about 2 stone and now im too fat for him to want to have sex with me havnt slept in the same bed for over a year so this may be it now .... and im only 26 Sad

goodwinter · 13/05/2019 19:59

Maybe a year or so? I was in uni, single, and not into ONS. Didn't bother me; I just waited til I met someone I liked.

GirlFliesHome · 13/05/2019 19:59

tbh I make myself do it every few weeks or so. depression meds, the pill and pure bloody exhaustion have killed my libido and it is just another bloody chore.

darkskyclearing · 13/05/2019 20:00

It's about four years now. Didn't bother me. In fact I couldn't imagine wanting to have sex with someone again. Until a few months ago when sex drive came back with a vengeance. There is a guy I am going to ask out for a drink next time I see him. I think there is a chance he may be interested in getting to know me better too...

TBh though, long term it will be the non-sexual physical intimacy I think I will miss most. and my personal circumstances mean I find it hard to imagine being able to form a long term relationship with anyone.

I'm mid forties too.

Sure never thought life would turn out like this.

Justaboy · 13/05/2019 20:03

Around 6 months on medical grounds! Was advised not to as it might result in a stroke or hemmorage!

In more recent times post diviorce more sporadic, but do have a FWB as and when which is quite good but not the same as that someone special:-)

Someone a few posts ago said her DH cant get it up anymore if he wanted to or there came a need, has he tried Viagra at all you can get it from most all chemists with few questions arsked. It does help me.late sixties now, but the wanton woman helps as well;)

As to the 40 somethings please never say never, its such a shame to hear that!

ShyPoster83 · 13/05/2019 20:03

NF for this

36 years...

Homemadearmy · 13/05/2019 20:04

It's about 8 years now, I'm a mid forties single mum, yes I miss it. More so at certain times of the month. Thankfully the feeling doesn't last long.

DreamsOfDownUnder · 13/05/2019 20:05

Last time for be was December 2018 when my now 8 month old was conceived by a one night stand and failed contraception.

It's not bothering me in the slightest to be honest, I can't be bothered!

Justaboy · 13/05/2019 20:06

GirlFliesHome Bloody heck those depression meds and the pill can knock anyones wind out of their sails. There was a bit on the BBC the other day saying we're at it less and less these days lifestyle isnt good for it so they say;(

NabooThatsWho · 13/05/2019 20:07

I’m 33. I last had sex when DD2 was conceived. She is now 3 years and almost 4 months. So it’s been basically 4 years.

I miss sex. But I’m living with ex until our house sells so I don’t get the opportunity these days Sad

I have a lot of making up to do and whoever the first man is that I get to have sex with is in for a treat 😂

SilverGoldBronze · 13/05/2019 20:08

5 years. I made the decision not to date for a while when ex H and I split. Put myself out there and started doing online dating last year. Found it much easier than expected to meet men I liked and I have a regular boyfriend now. The sex is great. I’m late 30s. Don’t give up OP.

GarnierBBCream · 13/05/2019 20:09

About 6 years, I think. I don't miss it. Could happily never have it again. Not on any meds. Just don't care anymore.

Missteebeee · 13/05/2019 20:10

Just over 3 years due to my marriage breaking down

WeCameToDance · 13/05/2019 20:10

A year. It was after I had my ds who never slept and both me and dh thought we might die of exhauation. That year aged me more than all my years put together.
But as most things do the exhaustion lifted and we starting getting back to normal... Then I got pregnant with dd Grin

MemorialBeach · 13/05/2019 20:17

44 years and 4 months.
I was a very late starter.....

BringOnTheScience · 13/05/2019 20:20

About 6 years now. DH has Peyronie's. Still love him to bits though.

BernardoTeashop · 13/05/2019 20:23

I went 8 years post divorce and wasn’t really interested. Then I met a wonderful new man mid 40s and never looked back. Don’t give up ladies.

JonSnowsFurCoat · 13/05/2019 20:23

It’s been about 3/4 months now. I’m married but my sex drive has massively decreased since my last dc (no.3).

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