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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable for 18 to be out clubbing until 3 or 4 am the day before A level revision at school and her brothers 1st GCSE?

122 replies

Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 13/05/2019 18:25

I’m more cranky than normal due to a tooth abscess and no sleep so need some views. Dd’s Plan is to go clubbing tonight until 3ish and get a random lift home. She always wakes us up coming home. Sometimes being too pissed to find her key and ringing the doorbell. I really need to sleep tonight as have work all week. Now she’s 18 she feels and acts like she can do whatever she likes and it’s beginning to grate. Fair enough if she wants to mess her A levels up that is her choice but I feel it’s unfair on her DB. Any thoughts or suggestions welcome as I don’t feel I’m best equipped to deal with it well today.

OP posts:
SmellbowGrease · 13/05/2019 18:27

Ask if she can stay at a friends house?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 13/05/2019 18:28

If she wants to go out that late she'll need to stay at a friend's. DS has an exam and she has form for waking everyone up. If she was quiet coming in I'd ysay let her, it's her choice but she's been inconsiderate before add it wouldn't be fair to DS.

CurrentlyAWreck · 13/05/2019 18:31

Yes it is massively. Just because she's 18 doesn't mean she's independent if she still lives with you for free and gets all the bonuses of dependant children. She's needs to be taught this by you. Set some boundaries!!! It's a no you will not from me and get over it princess!

CurrentlyAWreck · 13/05/2019 18:32

Has she ever heard of the word 'compassion'?

HoneywithLemon · 13/05/2019 18:32

Your house, your rules. I would say no mid week clubbing in the run up to/during exams personally. I have a DD in y12 and another is Y11. I have a job to go to, I don't want to be up half the night worrying where either of them are, or woken up by their racket either.

CurrentlyAWreck · 13/05/2019 18:33

A random lift home? This worries me more. There's no guarantee she'll make it home.....😶

janetforpresident · 13/05/2019 18:34

Well assuming she isn't paying you rent and she is still studying I think you can say no. Where does she get her money from? I

Tatapie · 13/05/2019 18:34

Yup. Say you need them home this time, sorry.

CarolsBiggestFan · 13/05/2019 18:34

Fair enough if she wants to mess her A levels up that is her choice

My kids won’t be messing their A levels up on my dime... I hope she’s working and funding her own nights out, phone, clothes, toiletries, etc.

Anyway, if that’s her plan she needs to stay out, mates, travelodge, whatever.

dayswithaY · 13/05/2019 18:36

You're not going and that's final.

Drogosnextwife · 13/05/2019 18:36

God I would never have been allowed to do that at 18. I would tell her it's not happening. I'm guessing she works and that's where she is getting the money to go out?

Original poster
Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 13/05/2019 18:36

She is not paying any rent. She is just about to sit A levels and has a revision masterclass tomorrow. She earns around £700 a month from her 2 part time jobs. We pay for her mobile phone currently. She also does nothing to help around the house.

OP posts:
dayswithaY · 13/05/2019 18:38

This is how I messed my A levels up. You can go clubbing anytime.

TapasForTwo · 13/05/2019 18:38

How is she affording this?
I agree that she needs some boundaries. I would remove the means for her to do this - hide her debit card etc. I assume she has A levels coming up, so why is she even contemplating it?

Just because she is 18 it doesn't give her carte blanche to behave like a selfish arsehole. As a parent I wouldn't find it difficult to put my foot down over this.

Drogosnextwife · 13/05/2019 18:38

Even if she did pay rent I would still say no. Don't allow her to fuck up her future by being an idiot. Take it from someone who knows.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 13/05/2019 18:39

Why does she wake you up?

I’ve had 3 teens in the past coming in late. They never woke us up.

TapasForTwo · 13/05/2019 18:39

Cross posted. Stop paying for her phone.

CurrentlyAWreck · 13/05/2019 18:40

FFS @"she contributes nothing"....be a mother and say no and set some ground rules. If she doesn't like it tell her to get out and find another place to live!

pallisers · 13/05/2019 18:42

Well it wouldn't be ok in my house (I have 3 age 17-22) and it wouldn't happen. But my kids would have accepted when I said "are you joking or what" to this plan.

ErrolTheDragon · 13/05/2019 18:43

If she's 18 it's about time she grew up a bit and learned that she has responsibilities, not just rights.

maxbabi · 13/05/2019 18:44

I feel your pain OP my daughter is 19 and comes home after work around midnight then goes out clubbing. She is in college atm. I recently told her not to come home as I am recovering from surgery and need sleep. She also an be so noisy.
Tell your dd to stay with a mate. I'm getting to that age where I put my health first above selfish teens.

dayswithaY · 13/05/2019 18:44

My kids wouldn't even ask, they know what my answer would be.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 13/05/2019 18:47

This winds me up with my DD at the weekend ... I def couldn’t cope with a Monday night!!

MachineBee · 13/05/2019 18:47

I agree with PPs that she needs some boundaries but the night before her a levels is probably not the time to do it. Who is she intending to go clubbing with? Do you know them? Do they have a levels? What are their parents saying?

SuziQ10 · 13/05/2019 18:54

I don't think you really want to go down the 'it's my house my rules' route. Honestly that saying just puts my back up and it's not even aimed at me. Certainly not useful with a rebelling teenager, probably already stressed and hormonal.

But(!!)she should have more respect than to disturb her brother, who's got important exams. I don't see how you can tell her she's not allowed to go out, but you could certainly explain to her that the noise is disturbing for you all at this important time and she'll have to arrange to stay at a friends so that you can all get an undisturbed night.