Is it unreasonable for 18 to be out clubbing until 3 or 4 am the day before A level revision at school and her brothers 1st GCSE?

[Theworldcouldbemymollusc]

I’m more cranky than normal due to a tooth abscess and no sleep so need some views. Dd’s Plan is to go clubbing tonight until 3ish and get a random lift home. She always wakes us up coming home. Sometimes being too pissed to find her key and ringing the doorbell. I really need to sleep tonight as have work all week. Now she’s 18 she feels and acts like she can do whatever she likes and it’s beginning to grate. Fair enough if she wants to mess her A levels up that is her choice but I feel it’s unfair on her DB. Any thoughts or suggestions welcome as I don’t feel I’m best equipped to deal with it well today.

It’s such rubbish timing as I feel so ropey myself. She is going clubbing for a friends birthday and ‘all’ her mates are going - they are all doing Alevels too but have probably done a lot more revision than her. I’m struggling to keep my shizz together as she is being rude. She just said she didn’t mention it until now because she knew I’d say no so at least she knows I have boundaries!!!

My DS is a year younger. He doesn't go clubbing but does go to see live music.

The rule is no going out on a school night during term time. The rule is non negotiable.

My DC1 has just turned 18, in the middle of IB exams (they start & finish earlier than A levels). The partying aspect of celebrating is simply on hold and they'll all have a proper Do once it's over. Some 18yos seem to be waaaay more mature than others.

Your DD needs to grow up. She can party & club after the exams.

£700 a month disposable income?! Jesus, make her pay her own phone contract at the very least!

If she wants to act like an independent 18 year old then it's the very least she should be doing!

She shouldn't be fucking up her brother's sleep and exam - that's a big No, Don't You Dare.

£700 a month is a lot of money. She can afford a Travelodge as pp said. It's a shame she's stuffing up her A Levels, though. Is she unhappy about her life? I went a bit bonkers during my sixth form and I was very screwed up.

How about telling her in advance, there's going to be a sleeping bag left at the door, don't ring the bell, if you can't work the door, doss down on the step. Possibly remove the battery from the bell?

Ask her what her plans are when she fails her A-levels as you're not planning to finance her dossing about and does she think that £700 per month will be enough to fund rent/bills/clothes/phone and clubbing?

If she’s going with her mates she crashes as one of theirs - end of argument!

£700 a month and you're paying her phone bill?! Get that changed, sharpish.

To be fair. Things were about to change but I was waiting until her A’levels had finished....now however things have accelerated due to her behaviour.

I would not tolerate that

Why are you questioning yourself ? It's the height of selfish behaviour

I never allowed early hours returns on any weeknight, tbh. I am a very light sleeper and have to be up myself before 6am. Never mind the potential to fuck up not just her own studies but also that of her brother

The time for this kind of behaviour is when they are living away from home, at Uni or whatever

Clubbing on a Monday night? Not great... especially in exam season. Is she normally this irresponsible? Does she have any career ambitions?

I'm wondering how many hours she's working to get paid 700 a month. I think you need to be tough about this - going out at weekends is different to a weeknight when her brother has an exam. Plus you're unwell.

Erm £700 a month and you're paying her phone! I think you're a push over.

@gotmychocolateimgood about 25/26 if it's minimum wage for her age.

If she isn't paying rent and she doesn't help around the house then she is still very much a child. I'd just say no to this. Tell her if she'd put more work into her revision, and if she didn't have form for waking everyone up then you probably would have allowed it. Try and help her see that if she wants to be treated like an adult then she needs to start behaving like one.

To clarify her work. She works all day Sunday at double time and 6-9 hours during the week.

Sorry PP but an 18 year old A Level student should be over the teenage rebellion stage by now. I have one of the same age and stage and there’s no way she would go out midweek like this (and she likes a party!). Our rule is in by a certain time and you tell me when and how you are getting home.

How is she earning £700 pt legitimately? Dd barely earned that full time at 18, she must be working for more than the maximum of 12 hours a week recommended for 6th formers. I would suggest you stop work and clubbing until the exams are over, she's not making good choices which she will regret - you need to parent her, your house your rules. Dd2 is doing a levels and is studying 10-12 hours a day plus school to get her grades

At that age i had to pay 30% of my wage to my parents and they paid for nothing for me.

Tell her if she's going out she has to arrange somewhere to stay so as not to wake anyone. Then put a key in the inside of the door so she can't open it and disconnect the bell (that all may be a bit harsh and a result of me also being grumpy at one of my offspring for behaving in a similar way…)

Thanks for all your replies. To be fair she didn’t really do teenage rebellion until now. It has been fairly plain sailing with her which is how it has caught me by surprise. I’m trying to nudge teens through exams as best I can. I think her main issue is that she doesn’t have a plan. Lots of friends going to uni. She decided not to as she couldn’t decide which course to take. I’m sure she’ll go at some point but without the required grades as an incentive she has lost her mojo.

Question is why has she lost her moho and ambition? She is seriously holding herself back and will regret it.

I am surprised by this post as your issue seems to be that she is going to be waking you up rather than reducing her career options and earning prospects

Can you not have a sensible conversation and just say “celebrate with her next week your a levels are too important. Imagine if you have to waste a year resitting while everyone goes to uni”

I am of course very worried about her future but I cannot he responsible for every decision she makes. I am trying to encourage her to apply for higher level apprenticeships etc but also don’t want to be totally pushy. I hope that she will eventually get a degree but she has quite a lot of growing up to do (clearly) so working or travelling isn’t necessary going to ruin her life. Parenting teens is quite challenging and I could do with some pointers from those who have survived this phase.