To want to take on, possibly adopt, my nephew.

[Krishna39]

Without giving away too much information, I really need some advice and opinions.
My sister is quite a volatile person, to the extent that one of her children despises her and has moved out of the family home. However, he's gone from one toxic environment to another whilst living with his father.
A friend of my sister has come to me, really concerned about her wellbeing as well as my nephew's wellbeing too.
My husband and I are able to provide him with a loving home, a stable routine and environment. We don't have children ourselves but I have a fantastic relationship with my nephew and truly believe that he would benefit from coming to live with us.
I understand that this is a life-changing event and it would mean that we would have to consider the school run, the holidays, work, changes to routine, emotional health and funding etc. but it is something I think he really needs. I want to go into this with as much information and ideas as possible- would I get some support with regards to funding? My husband and I both work full-time and can provide a comfortable life for us all, but if we do take him on we could possibly need help with funding a bus pass for school etc.

Could anyone please offer some advice? TIA

I've taken in my neice if you want to drop me a PM.

Thank you, how do I send a private message?

What does your sister and his father say about this suggestion? Without their agreement I imagine it will be much harder.

I think this is called a private fostering arrangement and the local authority would need to be told.

I've sent you one. Look for the read for near the message bubble top, right corner.

Sorry that sounded harsh. It sounds like your heart is in the right place. I just meant there’s more to think about than school runs.

Good luck.

This website gives the information you need about the practicalities of taking on your nephew’s care.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/private-fostering/

As I understand it, his parents would have to agree, and any money issues agreed between you. The Local Authority should be informed, they have to send out a social worker to check that the placement is suitable. They should also offer referral to services you may need - for example Early Help for parenting support, or similar services that might be helpful for your nephew. They would then need to carry out occasional review visits to make sure the placement is still suitable.

I don’t think you’d be eligible for payment from the Local Authority.

PS I think it’s lovey of you to consider doing this for your nephew

Hi Paintbysticker,
I noted things like the school run with respect to small changes to daily life- like I said I'm aware of the life-changing aspect of this. I work with children and know how challenging it is to bring up a child- it's not a decision I've taken lightly.
I haven't spoken to them yet because, as I also said, I want to go intonthis fully informed of my choices and with as much information as possible.

Thank you for your response.

Thank you Sleepymummy2019.
He's such a loving, intelligent child but I truly believe that his home life is sending him down the wrong path. I have a strong feeling that both his mother and father will object to it, but I am willing to face any legal battles that may come with it.
He's begged to come live with my husband and I, which we thought was just a cry for help at first, but now it's a much bigger scale and I truly believe this would be the best thing for him.

How old is your nephew?

OP good luck I think that sounds lovely and so kind of you. I too would do the same for my nephew if I ever had to. Just one thing - I don't understand how you can provide a comfortable life but need help to afford a bus pass for him?

I know two people who have taken on kinship care. Both went through social services and receive a foster allowance but they stepped in to prevent care proceedings so this is slightly different. Do get professional advice because with the situations he has been though it may not be plain sailing

I have had my 3 nephews living with us for the past 2 years. I'm owed almost £6000 for them in missed and backdated payments. I'm still waiting on the bigger house I was promised to acomodate them all (there's me, DH, 4 year old DS with ASD, 18 month old DS, and my 3 nephews who are 8, 12 and 14. All living in a 2 bed house. My DS with ASD needs his own room, we're in the living room with the baby and my 3 nephews are in the other bedroom). Social services are utterly useless. My local MP was useless. Local authority are useless.
Your circumstances are obviously different but I would strongly suggest that you only go ahead with this if you're as sure as you can be that your circumstances will not change any time soon. Help is non existent. At least where I am anyway. Feel free to PM me. It's lovely that you want to help but there is a lot to consider.

He's 10 years old.
The bus pass for his school will cost us over £600, which is quite a chunk of money upfront- That's quite a different thing to providing a loving home, clothing, food on the table, school lunches etc. 😌

If the cost of a bus pass is an issue I don’t think you have enough resources. Children are expensive and time consuming. How would you manage if he was hurt and you had to stop work? Have you factored in the cost of him living with you at all?

If your nephew doesn’t meet the threshold for removal from parents by ss then he can’t just choose to live with you age ten.
Are his parents abusing/neglecting him?

What happens if you have your own child?

What happens if you have your own child?
Then they’ll have two children🙄

I had no idea a bus pass was so much! I see your point!

I don’t think you can do it legally?

Is he under any kind of social work involvement, child protection order etc.?

I do think you need to consider how expensive raising a child is. I know £600 sounds like a lot of money, but he will need a lot more than that. If you both work full time and £600 is a stretch, then maybe you need to do your sums and carefully consider if you can afford to raise a child.

I am not criticising, but if you adopt him you will get the same financial support as any parent. Parenting costs considerably more than food and clothes - particularly when they move to big school.

I think you need to contact social services and talk through all your options. It’s great you want to give him a loving home.

I have considered almost any factor you could throw at me, to be honest. Like I said, it's not something I've just thought would be fun to do- it's something we've sat down, discussed and come to an informed decision about.

And yes, it means that we'd have two children if we were to conceive.

I don't think you should even consider fostering against the parents wishes.

Why does he need a bus pass, and why aren’t his fares subsidised or free?