Doctor just told me how skinny my Baby is and asked me how I'm feeding him, should I complain?

[Donnadon346]

I have just taken my DS who is 10 weeks old for his first set of immunisations, when I walked in the room the first thing the doctor said to me was 'he's very skinny how are you feeding him'
DS was 7lb 4oz born and is now well over 11lb so growing perfectly, I am breastfeeding and he had tongue tie when born so although he lost a little bit of weight to start he soon started putting on once tongue tie was cut.
DS is my fourth child and I am 38 so know he is healthy and am confident that BF is going well however had I been a bit younger or if this was my first child having that said to me by a medical professional would be really upsetting and potentially put someone off breastfeeding!
I am wondering if I should speak to the practice manager, as i know it made me feel really crap having her question his weight and if I am feeding him properly so don't want anyone else to be made to feel like this

Why are people refusing to see how important words are? There are plenty of threads on here about how upsetting terms like “natural birth” and “feeding her yourself” can be for women who have had c sections or who can’t bf.

You are lucky that this child is your 4th and you knew not to be terrified by the Drs manner and abrupt questioning, I agree, a 1st time Mum could have been horribly upset about this, especially if they were also feeling the breast/bottle pressure. I would also have been cross if I were you. However, I would probably have told the dr then and there, observationally, that what they had said was possibly upsetting. I think sometimes we all have to be reminded of each other's humanity, drs as well, that they are looking out for the babies welfare goes without saying but in today's mental health conscious world and with the prevalence of PPD in new mums, I'm surprised they weren't more gentle. Perhaps ask other local mums if they have any experience of the same doc? Could be a bad day, could be a bad habit.. then take a view.

OP you mentioned that the Dr might damage someone’s confidence by commenting on their baby’s weight in a negative way - making a complaint about this (IMO non-issue) you risk stopping them voicing similar concerns in future. This could have much more damaging repercussions.

OP as a HCP their primary concern is the welfare of the child. If they have to be abrupt and cause slight offence then 🤷 so what.

A GP can comment on a baby's weight without using the word skinny. This is the issue. The word skinny. If the GP had asked the OP about the health and welfare of her baby in a calm and professional way, the OP wouldn't have an issue. The GP (who happened to be in the room and wasn't part of the consultation) made a judgemental comment. The OP is raising the concern that a less confident mother may be upset. Yes, the GP has a duty of care with regards to the baby but the use of poor language skills will sometimes allow the message to be missed.

@IABUQueen
It is NOT a doctors job to pass personal opinions for medical ones. Not their job to bypass medical procedure when available and rely on the their gut feeling.

The doctor didn't use gut feeling or personal opinion. The GP initially and correctly used experience and a visual assessment of the child, she then communicated her concerns to the mother that the child could be underweight and asked appropriately about feeding. The mother then volunteered more information about the weight and feeding which were sufficient to alleviate the doctor's concern.

Not all medical decisions are based on measurable data, medicine is as much an art as it is a science. You have to have an idea of what your concerns are in order to determine which tests to do. There really isn't a test for every single condition out there. With weight yes you can test by weighing a child to see if they're on the correct percentile but it doesn't tell you anything about the child's nutritional status. When I worked in the community in London there was a particular population who bottle fed their children condensed milk instead of baby formula or breastmilk. Those children measured either healthy weight or above average but were actually malnourished. There are also many people who'll bottle feed their children coca cola so whilst they're getting calories they're not actually getting nutrition. My point is that relying on objective weight alone isn't enough, you also need to use experience and a visual assessment which is precisely what this GP did.

"rely on the their gut feeling".
So much of medicine is gut feeling, in fact there is research that states "expert nurses" often use gut feeling and correctly pick up when patients are deteriorating before anyone else has noticed and before there are any concrete signs e.g. drop in BP rise in HR.
Im also struggling to understand what is wrong with the word "skinny" if she'd said "fuck your baby looks scrawny" I could understand but skinny? OK she could have said thin or underweight but surely they all mean the same thing?

I also don't think the answer to the traumatic birth and feeding experiences out there is to get everyone to tread on egg shells around all mothers, the answer is getting more appropriate help for mothers who are traumatised, so that the mothers can recover and meet the needs of the baby.

@bertrandrussell I had an unwanted c section, at 37 weeks for dc1, and it was stressful getting a very sleepy dc1 to latch on, there was a lot of conflicting advice, and to some extent it was a bit traumatic. I was lucky to bounce back quickly. But notwithstanding, on balance, I think the baby's needs come before the mother's sensitivities, and if a busy and stretched doctor comes out with the wrong word that is better than an issue not being picked up.

She didn't correctly diagnose anything visually? In fact the opposite she wrongly diagnosed something that isn't there visually!
As I've said numerous times he's not skinny he is very healthy looking, he has rolls of fat on his arms and legs like most babies his age do which is why it was a really weird thing to say and inappropriate. We had been in the room for no longer than 20 seconds and he was fully dressed when she commented that he was skinny, would it be ok if I had turned round to her and said 'and you look really fat' in response?

If this is still bothering you then contact the manager and put in a complaint but don't do it on behalf of others do it for yourself as you are clearly hurt and offended.

No, it wouldn’t, it would be highly inappropriate because you’re not a doctor and her weight is none of your business. Far better that you’re groundlessly offended than a malnourished baby goes undetected.

Far better that you’re groundlessly offended than a malnourished baby goes undetected.

Why would a malnourished baby go undetected because a GP took a moment to check weight charts and observe the child properly before declaring them 'skinny'?

Not one person has said that the GP shouldn't note a potentially underweight child and carry out appropriate checks, although lots of people seem to be answering imaginary posters who are doing that.

The OP is very clear that the baby isn't malnourished, underweight or skinny.

It's unprofessional to blurt out the first thing that comes into your head when you see a patient, whether that could be an indicator of problem or not.

I also wouldn't expect the GP to tell a parent that their child looks like they need a wash a they entered the room but would fully expect them to note it and ask appropriate questions if there were indicators of neglect on closer examination.

Point missed. Well done.

No, it wouldn’t, it would be highly inappropriate because you’re not a doctor and her weight is none of your business. Far better that you’re groundlessly offended than a malnourished baby goes undetected

You beat me to it! Was going to post something like this!!

Those weirdly arguing that the word skinny is fine, please check a dictionary. It means "unattractively thin". It has negative connotations, so that is an inappropriate word to use.

It wasn't unprofessional, goldmandra - it might have been less than ideal in terms of communication and patient management, and it upset the OP, but I would eat my hat if it were found to be unprofessional.

And seriously, just because there are posters who don’t agree with the OP doesn’t mean that they have ‘missed the point’

Look you are still clearly unhappy but as others have said put in a complaint and own it not on behalf if someone else.
Personally I'm a fan of robust talking from doctors and for your doctor he got a conversation started and assessed there was no problem.
As a side comment, my mum is still in shock that when she went to the doctors with my brother when he was 4 because he appeared to have bad stomach pains she was brusquely told by a very posh speaking doctor 'madam, that is shit!!' My brother was constipated. He is now 53!!!!

Also we've gone over the weight clearly with OP; she's double-checked and clarified that the baby is definitely on 50th centile. So please can posters stop bandying about terms like "malnourished" when an additional key point is that the GP was incorrect in her assessment that the baby had weight issues.

But she might be entirely right in another case.

Someone upthread described it as an ‘unfortunate choice of words’
I seriously think it is no more than that. Yes perhaps she could have worded it better but she is only human... and it wouldn’t have been said with malice so just let it go!
If it had bothered you that much you could have said something there and then to correct her. But you didn’t. You decided to seethe on it later on and start this thread and potentially complain about her. I think you are overreacting.

HCPs definitely put people off breastfeeding sometimes with their concerns about weight.

The thing is, it's right for them to take an interest in weight, as I'm sure you know really, even when the baby has a dip in weight which happens - so the answer is keep weighing, keep feeding your baby, take concern in the spirit it is hopefully meant in, and grow thick skin when it comes to anyone that tries to nudge you towards formula unnecessarily, which some people, even some HCPs, will tend to do.

If it gets a bit much, or you doubt yourself, contact www.llli.org

The reactions above, in particular the ones implying the righteousness of supplementing as baby might not be getting enough is one explanation for the incredibly low rates of bf in the UK. I can say, if a doctor had said this to me, it would have made me question bf. Not now! Now i understand that even gps can be unsupportive of breastfeeding. I once had one tell me i should give up after twelve months as baby was getting nothing out of it. When i quoted who guidelines, she implied that was becuase of places like Africa where bf would still be better than formula.... when i quoted nhs guidelines, she finally stopped the nonsense.
I dont think you are unreasonable. A gp should have her facts straight on this. She should know her stuff. Its too important to just wave your hands in the air and say 'she was jst being concerned, mine were formula fed and ended up jst fine'. But thats the reaction you are going to get here, im afraid.

Beardy this isn’t a ff vs bf debate. The doctor didn’t know how she was feeding her when she made that comment. It doesn’t appear at all like this particular GP wasn’t supportive of bf’ing so this is a moot point.

However, as you bring it up - I can’t believe an actual doctor told you to give up at 12 months! I’m still going with my 18month old! Of course it doesn’t become pointless at that age

This is a ridiculous reason to make a complaint about a GP what a complete waste of time for her having to write out a statement because you are unhappy with her using the term 'skinny'.

Get over yourself and let her get on with her job of helping patients in your community who need her.