Doctor just told me how skinny my Baby is and asked me how I'm feeding him, should I complain?

[Donnadon346]

I have just taken my DS who is 10 weeks old for his first set of immunisations, when I walked in the room the first thing the doctor said to me was 'he's very skinny how are you feeding him'
DS was 7lb 4oz born and is now well over 11lb so growing perfectly, I am breastfeeding and he had tongue tie when born so although he lost a little bit of weight to start he soon started putting on once tongue tie was cut.
DS is my fourth child and I am 38 so know he is healthy and am confident that BF is going well however had I been a bit younger or if this was my first child having that said to me by a medical professional would be really upsetting and potentially put someone off breastfeeding!
I am wondering if I should speak to the practice manager, as i know it made me feel really crap having her question his weight and if I am feeding him properly so don't want anyone else to be made to feel like this

It’s perfectly possible to suggest that someone’s language needs to be thought about without making a complaint. I once wrote to my doctor about how he had dealt with me on the phone while I was having a miscarriage and he wrote back to thank me-he had just not though about how the way he expressed something might upset someone.

You are being to sensitive. I a first time mum and even though I may have thought oh shit why? Id of just been happy to have a doctor show and interest. My DD has been poorly for most of 6 months now and some doctors I have seen along the way show no interest at all, so when I get one who actually checks her properly and asks questions no matter how abruptly I'm made up

That’s interesting bertrand and hopefully helped another woman have better care in future. The language around mc and pregnancy loss can be awful and adds additional hurt at an already shit and vulnerable time.

@BertrandRussell that's exactly what I was going to do just speak to the practice manager and say that the drs use of language was wrong and could be seen as criticism, meaning that anyone feeling vulnerable would certainly not open up to her they would just come away thinking they are not feeding their baby well.
I'm going to mention it when I'm down there next I know a lot of people have said I'm unreasonable but I think the doctor was unreasonable calling a healthy weight baby ( even though a lot of pp have somehow got it in their heads he completely malnourished) skinny, there are much kinder ways of finding out if there is a problem with feeding and weight gain which starts with holding your tongue for a couple of minutes and actually looking at the baby properly first which as a trusted medical professional whose words hold a lot of weight with new mothers she should of done

Curious as to why the OP posted inviting opinions, is told she is being a bit unreasonable by quite a few people, digs deeper with her view and then states is going to talk to the practice.

Why bother asking if you are not going to reflect on any comments that don't completely support your view?

As TantricTwist states, in pursuing this you will be exposing the GP and practice staff to additional work that is completely unnecessary. But that doesn't matter. You are feeling sensitive and the most importing thing is for your emotional needs to be met .

“Why bother asking if you are not going to reflect on any comments that don't completely support your view?”
How do you know she hasn’t? I agreed with the OP, have read all the posts that don’t and still agree with it,

Reflection usually involves thinking about how one could view something differently even if you don't end up changing the outcome. No evidence of that here. Just more of the same arguments as to why she is correct. So why bother in the first place?

I agree with you, OP. Some new mothers are extremely anxious and a comment like this could be damaging. A doctor should be more careful and professional with their approach.

wookywoo

I have read all the reply's thanks and a lot of posters also think I'm not being unreasonable with a few saying that if a doctor had said that to them it would of upset them and undermined their feeding so on that basis alone I think I'm right speaking to the practice manager.

Sorry haven't read the whole thread

Buy this wouldn't make me angry. I'd instead be taking my son to be weighed just in case.

“Reflection usually involves thinking about how one could view something differently even if you don't end up changing the outcome”

Well, yes. But no reason why you can’t reflect and still think you’re right! I have reflected and still think she’s right.....

One comment that you took offence too which was witnessed by another colleague, what do you think they are going to do? Really? Besides think your being dramatic and a problem.
I don't understand if your have so many dc, so have dealt with a lot of comments
Why you didn't pull her up on it instead of making a work complaint days later, which could cause her problems. Plus waste more people's time, if they do have a meeting with her which I doubt.

Next time say something at the time or go straight to reception afterwards, because I don't think your going to get what you hope to.

Also most people who have said I'm unreasonable haven't read the full post and insist on keep saying that my baby is skinny which is why I have taken offence, I have clarified many times he is not and my AIBU was not about me taking offence, the issue is that she made a judgement within seconds and voiced it without doing any sort of consultation.

@poweroverme I don't want them to do anything other than have a word with the GP and ask her to not comment on a baby's weight within seconds of setting eyes on him for the first time as it can upset a mum who is doing her absolute best to make sure he is well nourished regardless of if that breast or bottle. I don't want a bloody meeting with the GP I just want her to think about her words can affect a new mum that's all.

Yes I should of said something that day I have already said that on here

It’s one of those things that’s sits with you afterwards that you know you should have dealt with on the spot and it drives you crazy that you didn’t. Skinny is a stupid word to say and how you’re feeding is a stupid first question.

I was trying to wean my fella off formula to be ebf and the phn was trying to get me to up the formula because he’s growing so I’d need to give him more breast milk couldn’t be enough, each time I challenged her on the supply and demand nature of milk supply she just kept repeating but he’s getting bigger he needs more. So in fairness there is a lot of ignorance out there.

In other news my GP introduced me to a student lady doctor, I was so stunned I didn’t challenge him on it. I should have said I have a gynae or my lady parts are fine today thanks or some such nonsense but instead I just said hello and gave her a look that I felt said “he’s a twat”

I'd be amazed if a GP was trying to imply someone shouldn't be breastfeeding. I guess you always get exceptions, but my experience is that for better or worse, all NHS staff seem to push breastfeeding really quite hard. My DD lost 13% of her bodyweight in the first few days after birth - there were a couple of reasons, but it seemed to mostly be due to me not having got the hang of breastfeeding. No one remotely suggested moving to or even supplementing with formula, they just offered lots of breastfeeding help. I think I even suggested switching and they talked me down.

To be honest, as a one of those "anxious first time mums" the OP is worried about, I did feel a bit judged/useless. Midwifes were coming round basically every day and some were more constructive/worded things better/had a nicer manner than others. And it did briefly make me want to stop breastfeeding . But better that than no-one raising the issue with me and my baby continuing to lose weight.

I spent a couple of days combining being really upset and anxious with really trying to make it work, and now, at three weeks, we've got the hang of it and her weight's back up.

That GP probably could have been more careful in their wording or weighed first and commented afterwards, but I think you'd have to have a pretty thin skin for one passing comment to completely throw you off course, even as a new mum, particularly if the actual weighing showed that on reflection everything was fine.

OP, nobody on here has said that your baby is malnourished. They are saying that she could have been - that any number of babies could pass through that office on a daily basis and there could be one that WAS skinny. It’s a hypothetical skinny baby - much like your hypothetical new and vulnerable mother that you want to complain on behalf of.

YABU.
you are being rather dramatic. the doctors main concern is the wellbeing of the baby, not ur feelings. I get that you didn’t like ur baby being called skinny but if she had said the same thing but replaced it with underweight, you would have felt the same way.

It’s like you’ve taken it as a criticism of you when it isn’t. I get that ur baby isn’t overweight, but what if it had been ??

Don’t report it because honestly you would look rather silly and I doubt the doctor and manager etc wouLNT be amused by how dramatic you are.

You’ve had 4 kids but I’m pretty sure the Doctor has seen far more kids than that. Having children doesn’t make you an expert on the health of Babies and you need to accept that.

@Donnadon346
I'm not saying what she said was right or that your not taking care of your baby, bf or ff it really doesn't matter.
What I'm saying is it's more hassle and headspace you don't need. You have a precious lo and you don't need to be bothered with this crap.
You don't know if the will have a meeting or if they will laugh it off, one thing you can be pretty sure if she probably will do it again.

Focus on you and don't worry about this.

I never once said I am an expert on children just that I know my own son is healthy, and the GP was wrong about him being underweight so it didn't matter what word she used, she's clearly not that expert that she can tell if a baby is not healthy the moment she lays eyes on him

@Donnadon346 YABU. She only asked, you answered. End of. No wonder people can't get appointments with people like you causing them extra work with ridiculous complaints.

She didn’t say ‘not healthy,’ she said ‘skinny.’

She’s a human, sometimes we say things. I bet you do yourself.

It was one comment. Get over it.

she's clearly not that expert that she can tell if a baby is not healthy the moment she lays eyes on him

you're beginning to sound super U and defensive, sorry. I get why.

Look, he probably looked a little on the small side to her, so she just asked the question.

It's like when an obese person goes to the GP and I imagine they say, "how is your diet / lifestyle as you look a little heavy" or whatever. I know someone who has been told without being weighed that their weight is "against them" health-wise. Do you think she should have complained? Obviously, your baby is not underweight, but she only asked as that was her observation. That's how GPs work. They ask questions and run tests to diagnose people.

It would be ok to comment I think, that you found the word skinny a little pejorative, or that maybe she should have had a look at the chart and weighed him to check before commenting, but to complain simply because the GP THOUGHT your baby looked underweight when he isn't, is frankly ludicrous. They have to observe and diagnose all day. They don't instantly know everything. They have to ask.

I never once said I am an expert on children just that I know my own son is healthy, and the GP was wrong about him being underweight so it didn't matter what word she used, she's clearly not that expert that she can tell if a baby is not healthy the moment she lays eyes on him
Shes a doctor not a paediatrician so no, she not an expert on kids but does have some general knowledge
She was making an enquiry and checking everything was ok.
Hardly crime of the century
Either let it go or report it.
But do something because you are sounding like a stuck record now.

YABVU.