Doctor just told me how skinny my Baby is and asked me how I'm feeding him, should I complain?

[Donnadon346]

I have just taken my DS who is 10 weeks old for his first set of immunisations, when I walked in the room the first thing the doctor said to me was 'he's very skinny how are you feeding him'
DS was 7lb 4oz born and is now well over 11lb so growing perfectly, I am breastfeeding and he had tongue tie when born so although he lost a little bit of weight to start he soon started putting on once tongue tie was cut.
DS is my fourth child and I am 38 so know he is healthy and am confident that BF is going well however had I been a bit younger or if this was my first child having that said to me by a medical professional would be really upsetting and potentially put someone off breastfeeding!
I am wondering if I should speak to the practice manager, as i know it made me feel really crap having her question his weight and if I am feeding him properly so don't want anyone else to be made to feel like this

The reactions above, in particular the ones implying the righteousness of supplementing as baby might not be getting enough is one explanation for the incredibly low rates of bf in the UK. I can say, if a doctor had said this to me, it would have made me question bf. Not now! Now i understand that even gps can be unsupportive of breastfeeding. I once had one tell me i should give up after twelve months as baby was getting nothing out of it. When i quoted who guidelines, she implied that was becuase of places like Africa where bf would still be better than formula.... confused when i quoted nhs guidelines, she finally stopped the nonsense.

Absolutely! The health visitor every time I go to weigh my baby tells me he weighs fine and when she asks me about his diet I tell her I bf. ever since he was 11 months she has been telling me to get him off the breast. After 1 year she has been looking at me in condescending ways as if I’m an idiot for continuing to breastfeed and telling me he is getting no nutrients and I’m wasting my time.

I told her about the WHO recommendation and that didn’t stop her. Will quote NHS thank you.

I think the lack of support for breastfeeding in this country is horrid.

Actually I think all those pp who are being defensive of the doctor and stating you shouldn’t complain/write a note.. are the ones being snowflakes in my opinion.

I think it’s part of every profession to receive feedback and if worded appropriately, I think the doctor could benefit from this being raised to their attention..

It’s actually not a big deal... but makes positive difference.

I doubt the doctor will get fired over this and I’m sure the clinic manager won’t go abusing the doctor for it... so I don’t understand the fuss at all..

A patient is a customer and they should be able to give feedback to improve services.. and I think the OP has a very valid opinion even if not everyone agrees. It’s true to her and might be for many others.. so even if it doesn’t resonate with the doctor at least they will know that this approach need some looking into.

So much of medicine is gut feeling, in fact there is research that states "expert nurses" often use gut feeling and correctly pick up when patients are deteriorating before anyone else has noticed and before there are any concrete signs e.g. drop in BP rise in HR.

I totally understand that using your gut instincts is a good thing everywhere in life, but the point you are missing is... you don’t base your communication with the patient on gut feelings..

There is medical procedure to check first before you make a patient worry.

Therefore, use your gut feeling to request that red book that all of us mums are carrying around... check for yourself. Ask about feeding if you still have concerns... and Thennnnn pass on medical opinion...

If she stated that the baby looked skinny at the end after doing the charts and weighing or whatnot, then I would’ve been less opposed to it..

She could still say “even though he fit the charts but he seems like he might be malnourished “... if she said that AFTER examining him , even if she was wrong, I would respect it.

I think her being lazy is what makes it seem irresponsible, and unprofessional coming from a doctor who has all the tools to check for herself before she worries a patient.

Was the doctor overweight OP?

@IABUQueen

Did you seriously just use the term "snowflake" ?

I said the op is getting a little defensive, (she is I think). But I also said a comment to the GP would be fine, and to feedback that she found the term skinny pejorative or that she felt the GP should have weighed the baby first and checked his red book before commenting. But to complain is too much.

I do have a lot of friends and family who are doctors, which is why I possibly see it this way. I also really appreciated the support I got when bfing and was more than happy to discuss. I also would be happy if a gp commented on my weight or that of my dcs when they were babies. It's their job. A healthy weight is so important for all of us and especially so for young babies. The GP would have been negligent if she had noticed it and NOT acted in some way. Maybe the way she did it was less than desirable, but at least she did her job.

And whether or not the GP is overweight is a little irrelevant. One of my friends had a (now very much in control) eating disorder and is a GP. Is she not allowed to comment on overweight patients? They are very highly trained to care for patients. To say "ah she's a fatty probably. Doesn't know a healthy weight when she sees it" is so ignorant.

jellyfish70

Was the doctor overweight OP
What has that got to do with the price of fish?
Even if they are the Op isnt in a position to offer guidance and follow up checks.

As a mum to two slender toddlers I’ve had this comment from complete strangers and medical professionals who don’t necessarily know their history, they were teeny at birth and have grown brilliantly but won’t catch up with their peers for a while yet in size/weight. Doesn’t bother me from the medical professionals, it’s their job to make sure everything is okay (though it gets wearisome explaining their dietary habits every time we see a new GP - our area doesn’t have bespoke doctors for each patient, you see who you get and it’s a large practice!) add to that their hyper fast metabolism (inherited from DH) so they can, and do, eat and eat but gain weight slowly.

I do however get annoyed when complete strangers ask “why is your DD so skinny?” it always seems directed at her, she is very long limbed though so it exaggerates her slenderness but it’s none of their business 😂

My twins were my first children and I was a hyper sensitive FTM when it came to their weight because I was aware it was a concern, I almost became too obsessive with it, but not once did a doctor asking about their weight scare me or make me feel inadequate though.

I’m aware my experience is rather different as I knew/know they’re small for their age.

The word “skinny” seems to have such negative connotations these days too, whereas when I was young it was a compliment! So maybe that has bearing on how it made you feel.

My DS2 was emaciated not skinny and now at 21 he's skinny thin underweight scrawny or whatever you want to call it. He has a chronic illness (unrelated to his weight) and was a regular visitor at the hospital, doctors would regularly comment on it. As he's aways eaten everything and eats me out of house and home and maybe I'm just thick skinned but it didn't bother me they're just doing they're job.
IABUQueen I used to run vaccination clinic the doctor gets 10 mins if your lucky in that time he/she has to establish whether the parents are aware what vaccinations their child is receiving, maybe answered questions from the parent including the inevitable one about autism and vaccinations (thank you Andrew Wakefield) establish that no reactions have occurred before and discuss possible reactions and what action to take, advise on the correct dose calpol etc and give and record the vaccinations, The OPs GP thought her child looked skinny commented on it Im assuming discussed it and what and how he was feeding she maybe even looked in the red book and plotted the weight on the centile chart and gave the vaccination all in 10 mins. frankly its a miracle she has time to notice or comment on a child's weight.

I've read the OP and whole thread, yet agree you're being very unreasonable to file a complaint or have a word.

That's just my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️ clearly you feel differently. I think it's as much use as your post on here since you're taking a very defensive stance.

What has that got to do with the price of fish?

Some people(even professionals) have a skewed perception of normal weight when they and or their family are large/thin. This doctor doesn't sound professional in using language like 'skinny' so I'm not putting much store in their opinion.

I'd freak a bit if there was a doctor sitting in on the jabs and asking to see my Red Book, tbh. I'd wonder who she was checking up on and why, as a nurse is normally sufficient! Two people looking in the Red Book at the same appointment and then trotting off to get scales to weigh my child instead of immunising it would not reassure me at all.

GPs work really really hard, are so stressed and burnt out working 12-14 hour days and taking work home every day. They are leaving the profession in their droves. There is a recruitment and retention crisis in General Practice. They are overworked, rushed and pressurised often seeing more than 60 patients a day.
They were most likely doing their very best for you.

This doctor doesn't sound professional in using language like 'skinny' so I'm not putting much store in their opinion
But the skinny bit was the opening line and then the doctor asked questions.

Our area no longer does drop in clinics for HV to weigh babies or discuss concerns. Nor can you ring a specific office and speak to a known person. It's much more centralised to save money and you ring a booking number for an appointment if you want one.

Most people on here have missed the point entirely.

Language is really important. Breastfeeding is really important.

The U.K. has atrocious bf rates. We live in a formula feeding society. Fact. What is biologically normal is no longer seen by the majority of the population until they have their own kids.

HCPs are part of the problem and part of the cure. They have to do their bit and watching their language is part of it. Particularly GPs as they are seen as educated and should be looked up to. The fact most of them never have more than a couple of hours in infant feeding over their entire careers is of course a huge issue for families.

Calling a baby "skinny" is pejorative and quite frankly unprofessional - at least not until the GP had checked the red book, weighed the baby and had a much more friendly chat with the mum. Opening the conversation name calling is just silly!!! The dr is in a customer service profession and should know better than that.

If a first time mum was struggling with bf, had a baby who had struggled to get back to birth weight and although now back tracking their line, that mother lacked confidence, was already anxious, lacked a support network and had gone to that appointment with her 10wo it could have been the straw that broke the camel's back. That mother may well have gone home, cried herself into a pit of despair and given up bf over the next few days and weeks.

There is so little support for bf in the community that this is a story many bf peer supporters have heard from mums when they have their 2nd child.

So don't knock the OP. She has a point. Yes a complaint is OTT but feeding back so that the GP (& the practice as a whole) can reflect on their place in the system and how they can improve their service, can only be a good thing for the mothers that follow.

Mums do need to help each other so feedback ladies. Feedback. Let's improve the system for our friends, sisters and daughters.

So don't knock the OP. She has a point. Yes a complaint is OTT but feeding back so that the GP (& the practice as a whole) can reflect on their place in the system and how they can improve their service, can only be a good thing for the mothers that follow

I agree. Feeding back, commenting etc is fine, as I've already said twice now. But the op specifically said complaint and she and others have been quick to call the GP's professionalism into question.

Breastfeeding is important (I am a big fan) and language is important. And it would be wonderful if there were resources so that every HCP was trained to deal with this better than this one did.

But, since GPs are so stretched now, I'd actually prefer they spent their valuable time doing their jobs. Like investigating further when they think a young baby is too small. Not learning how to speak to every sort of new mum.

Don't promote breastfeeding for God's sake. You might hurt someone's feelings. Offer support for breastfeeding in case they have problems but for God's sake don't imply they are having problems breastfeeding if you think they are. You might hurt someone's feelings.

I do think expectations of overworked HCPs can be a bit much. Complain about the system if you like but lay off the GP. She really hasn't done anything complaint worthy.

Okay, so yes, it would be good if people could appreciate the difference between contstrucitvely feeding back and making a complaint. A lot of people don't seem to be able to tell the difference or are unable to couch 'feeding back' in terms other than those which are complaining.

I agree that people take to heart what health professional say and that some terms are very emotive. At the same time I think it is also important to recognise when you yourself might be feeling hyper sensitive and reacting more extremely than needed. A little bit of perspective is always good and often lacking from those who are keen to complain. Within that bit of perspective is an ability see a bit more broadly and have empathy not just for yourself but for the other person too and for the whole event,must just one little bit which stuck in the mind. So having a bit of empathy for the professional who might not used used the best word might be useful - knowing that in a rush, we can all do those things pretty easily - and we'd hope someone might be able to cut us a little slack or not take offence and really not feel there was a need for a complaint. And I'd hope people would consider the full meeting and conversation and not just one comment - so perhaps afterwards when baby was weighed a comment was made about the weight moving forward nicely and babies sometimes looking skinnier than their weight actually shows, or a helpful conversation about breastfeeding or whatever - so the whole conversation can be considered not just one phrase which was disliked.

And I don't agree that Drs are suppliers of a customer service role. They are not shop salespeople whose job is to tell the customer they are always right and make a sale. They are providing a professional service of healthcare. Yes they should provide it kindly and show empathy, but the most important thing is to provide the healthcare. They have to do it in a limited time, often with people who struggle to hear what is actually being said or with what meaning behind it, and sometimes to deliver a message which people don t want to hear. They find ways of communicating in a short space of time to get a message across clearly, when often a less direct approach leads to people misunderstanding or being unclear - you'd be surprised what people can misunderstand. And yes again, kindness and empathy and language are all important and the odd less well thought out word doesn't mean those are absent. But people these days do struggle kften to hear things put in a direct way - they are very used to flannel and people dressing up harsh realities in soft languages to avoid saying the full story, so that when a truth is stated simply and baldly they are shocked and find it upsetting and offensive and worthy of complaint.

This attitude is a real cause of difficulty for Drs trying to communicate with patients, as much as Drs not choosing their words carefully enough. It's not as simple as Drs are wrong in how they speak or need feedback so they can improve. Their patients need a greater ability to hear information too, but no-one is doing anything about that and there's no one to complain to about that!

Wombat your post was perfect. You have completely hit the nail on the head.

Well done OP for being willing to figure out the best approach here and change your original stance which was couched as a complaint.

I respect that it matters to you that someone vulnerable could be impacted by the off the cuff remark.

By raising what was said with the practice manager you’re giving them the option whether to feed it back to the dr or not.

I think that’s the best win/win outcome here, better than doing nothing given how you felt the comment came across and better than going to full complaint mode.

The practice manager is in the best position to decide if it’s worth passing on or not.

I had this with my dd at the clinic , I stopped going as all they were concerned about was following “the line”
She’s a beautiful ,slim 8 year old just on the small side height wise but so was I and still am !

Far better that you’re groundlessly offended than a malnourished baby goes undetected.

Malnourished babies are more likely to go undetected if people don't feel comfortable bringing their children to the GP because they are judged even when there is no problem at all.

I think the GP was just doing their and highly unlikely to have meant any offence

Guess they were simply asking breast or bottle in a simple way that may have come over as abrupt

YABU to be annoyed with them

Malnourished babies are more likely to go undetected if people don't feel comfortable bringing their children to the GP

And what use is going to the GP if they aren't allowed to highlight something which may be a concern?

But the skinny bit was the opening line and then the doctor asked questions.

What an opening line!!! Very poor.

And what use is going to the GP if they aren't allowed to highlight something which may be a concern?

No-one is saying the GP isn't allowed to highlight something which may be a concern. Just that the way of highlighting something which may be a concern they used was unhelpful and actually may even mean that something which is a genuine concern is not discovered.