Doctor just told me how skinny my Baby is and asked me how I'm feeding him, should I complain?

[Donnadon346]

I have just taken my DS who is 10 weeks old for his first set of immunisations, when I walked in the room the first thing the doctor said to me was 'he's very skinny how are you feeding him'
DS was 7lb 4oz born and is now well over 11lb so growing perfectly, I am breastfeeding and he had tongue tie when born so although he lost a little bit of weight to start he soon started putting on once tongue tie was cut.
DS is my fourth child and I am 38 so know he is healthy and am confident that BF is going well however had I been a bit younger or if this was my first child having that said to me by a medical professional would be really upsetting and potentially put someone off breastfeeding!
I am wondering if I should speak to the practice manager, as i know it made me feel really crap having her question his weight and if I am feeding him properly so don't want anyone else to be made to feel like this

A fat baby isn't necessarily a healthy baby. A fat baby can be predisposed to developing health issues related to obesity.

I have heard of at least one case where a child was put on a diet prior to age 1 due to extreme overfeeding.

Babies have starved to death due to parents who didn't know how to feed them properly. The doctor was just looking out for their patient.

OP I understand where you’re coming from on this. I really struggled with feeding my 50th percentile new born (who did look v skinny) and we were encouraged to supplement with formula to start with as he wasn’t putting weight on properly. It was really upsetting at the time as I expected breastfeeding to be the most natural thing in the world and it wasn’t for me or my baby!

I can see how an off the cuff, casual comment might make someone who’s struggling with breastfeeding have doubts. But maybe the dr was more relaxed with you as she/he knows you and that you’re not a first time mum?

If she/he doesn’t know you or your background, rather than complaining, what about feeding back your concern to the practice manager in a constructive way?

Why are people pretending not to understand?

What? you want to complain about a Dr who was concerned about your childs welfare?! The world has fucking gone mad.

Totally agree. Would you rather an HP told you the bf baby was fine and a ‘perfect weight’ but then he nearly died, like my cousin’s baby? Midwife was struck off, baby is extremely fortunate to be alive but has serious health issues.

You’re still going to complain, aren’t you?

I’ve unfortunately come across enough doctors to last several lifetimes, 6 in one night, on one occasion, fun times. Some of them had sod all bedside manner and asked some oddly phrased/rude questions, but it was because they were trying to help me.

Skinny and fat are not professional terms you expect to hear from a doctor. That was my point.

I wouldn’t make a formal complaint but I can see why you might be upset by the use of the word ‘skinny’. Unless there was a genuine concern with your baby’s weight gain (which there didn’t seem to be?)then she didn’t need to voice her opinion..

But they objectively aren’t underweight and doctor had in their hand probably the evidence (red book).

If her baby were starving you might have a point! But saying it at random isn’t any more helpful than saying “you might have cancer”, to random patients. It’s clearly inappropriate and could cause unnecessary worry.

I couldn't remember the weights at that age, so I rechecked the chart. Your baby is on the 9th centile, having dropped only slightly from almost 25th centile. In the context that the GP sees a lot of babies at a similar age that's a little on the smaller side. It's worth remembering that breastfed babies often are slower to gain the in early months and then zoom up the centiles, which isn't well understood by doctors who might see a lot of formula fed babies too. While the GP probably meant well, that was a shit delivery and would have upset me too when DS was that age. (I still haven't forgiven one midwife who questioned breastfeeding completely unnecessarily). The practice manager should be made aware of your concerns as it's such a sensitive time; it isn't hard to just say "what a lovely boy" and check the red book before starting in with theories! A following comment to keep up the good work on your feeds wouldn't have been offensive in the context of seeing improvement since the tongue tie was resolved.

No, it's because the baby wasn't skinny but your GP saying your baby IS skinny , if you're a crap breast feeder like I was, would have been enough to make me assume there was a problem and I should abandon the breastfeeding struggle and just bottle feed ( I was doing both)

I mean this in a nice way - do you really think that the conversation would have ended right there and the hypothetical new mum the OP refers to would have simply just made the decision there and then to switch to formula? The GP didn’t know how she was feeding!

Seriously, I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding - I am still breastfeeding my toddler and it wasn’t an easy start at all... I am also prone to being sensitive and he is my first. I still wouldn’t have taken offence to this.

I can understand how you feel because a similar thing happened to me, I am sure your breastfeeding is fine if you have done it with your 3 dc before and I am sure you know what you are doing. Your baby is on 50th in terms of weight - is your baby very tall/long? I think sometimes that doctors show an interest in that, but I am not certain.

In my case I had just come out of hospital after being re-admitted because I couldn't breath properly andmy baby had literally just started latching on - up to that point I had been expressing - so I was in seventh heaven about baby finally feeding properly, when a medical person told me they had concerns about weight and sent me back to hospital AGAIN.

They discharged us, but I learned that a baby not getting enough food (without blaming anyone) can have catastrophic long lasting affects and they had to check and although I was really annoyed at the time to be sent back in, as I felt sure everything was going in the right direction, looking back how I felt was both understandable and unreasonable.

Please don't take it personally or get upset or even think about the doctor, who was just doing their job, just do a double check that you are happy with how your baby is and if you are, you are!

I personally don't think the doctor said anything wrong, but if it is upset you, you could have a chat with the practice manage and explain why - I personally wouldn't complain in your shoes, more just explain how you feel.

I've just noticed via another comment that you've said your baby is 50th centile. 11lb = 4.99kg. At 10 weeks that's only 9th centile! It might be a good idea to go back to the health visitor to clarify his actual weight against the chart? Your red book has a chart or you can find one here:

www.rcpch.ac.uk/resources/uk-who-growth-charts-0-4-years.

Where do you work Op so i can make a complaint against you !!!

He was almost 12lb I knew he was 11 something but couldn't remember exactly and his last weight was done at his 8 week check. I've just looked in his red book and definitely on 50th centile line.
It's also just occurred to me that she didn't ask to weigh him which if she was worried about his weight that much she would surely have done!
My concern wasn't that she had mentioned she thought he was underweight I have no issue with that at all, It's the language she used and the way she decided he was underweight ( or in her own words skinny ) within 5 seconds of me entering the room.
I think the general consensus is that I am BU if I speak to the practice manager about this so I'm not going to, I just know that it has the potential to really upset a mum who was struggling with feeding and being a new mum ( I know because I was that mum 15 years ago)

But don’t BFed babies grow a bit slower than FF babies? I’m sure I’ve seen pro-BF posts saying that average weights are based largely off FFed babies, so don’t apply as well to BFed babies.

So if a Dr who knew this thought a baby was on the low side of normal weight/size they might be reassured to find they BF? Also, they’ll phrase follow up questions differently - how often is he on the breast and how long for/how many bottles a day/how many ml/oz?

YANBU OP

The idea all GPs know much about babies and feeding is quite amusing. We’re they perhaps a registrar and inexperienced? My future son in law has probably held a baby twice in his life, not done paediatrics as part of his training but is suddenly seen as an expert. How would he have got that experience? Now on mental health, he’s brilliant and very knowledgeable.
Maybe you should have educated the GP and explained you were feeding, knew the baby was gaining weight well and asked what was it specifically that triggered the comment. Then you could have saved another less confident mother fretting, perhaps.
I wouldn’t think it was worth complaining about though.

Jesus wept. YANBU OP, not at all. It was a hugely unprofessional thing for the GP to say. For so many reasons!

GP observes a baby and thinks they look underweight. Appropriate things to say could include:

‘How has his weight gain been?’
‘When was he last weighed?’
‘Are you attending the baby clinic regularly so the HVs can check his weight gain?’
‘How has feeding been going?’
‘Can I see his red book so I can look at his growth charts please?’

All of those would be fine. Saying he looks ‘skinny’ is fucking ridiculous. It’s unhelpful, judgemental and undermining. And most importantly the GP was wrong! Another good reason to actually investigate before making a judgement outloud!

OP YANBU!! I don’t think the people on this thread have a clue. I am 38 weeks with my first baby and terrified of being given a hard tine about BF because of all the stories I’ve heard from other recent mums about health professionals breathing down their necks, telling them their babies aren’t putting on enough weight, trying to insist they give them formula, ruining their confidence... No wonder breast feeding rates in this country are so low and so many women give up. What the doctor said to you was insensitive, problematic and inappropriate, especially since your baby is putting on weight just fine. I would complain!

Donnadon346

my worry is that a first time anxious mum would really worry that they are not feeding their baby properly if they had been told they were skinny by a doctor.

This is exactly why a doctor should ask. A first time mother might not be aware their child is failing to thrive.

Total non issue. Angry at a doctor for doing their job. Whatever next?

YABU. The doctor is doing their job, which is to ensure your baby is healthy and well, not protect your self esteem over your offence at the word skinny. Move on with your day.

@MagicKingdomDizzy Do you really think it doesn’t matter how things are expressed? That the words people use have no impact on other people at all?

YANBU OP. The GP made a judgemental comment without even examining your DC.

This is exactly why a doctor should ask. A first time mother might not be aware their child is failing to thrive.

The baby isn't failing to thrive or under weight.

Of course the doctor should check if she notices that a child looks skinny. However, she should apply a filter to her mouth and check whether the child really is underweight before expressing concern or asking how the baby is fed. She certainly shouldn't just tell a mother that her baby looks skinny.

I'm surprised that so many posters seem to be missing the point so badly.

I'm a HCP and I'm honestly terrified to open my mouth nowadays...people are desperate to be offended!