Doctor just told me how skinny my Baby is and asked me how I'm feeding him, should I complain?

[Donnadon346]

I have just taken my DS who is 10 weeks old for his first set of immunisations, when I walked in the room the first thing the doctor said to me was 'he's very skinny how are you feeding him'
DS was 7lb 4oz born and is now well over 11lb so growing perfectly, I am breastfeeding and he had tongue tie when born so although he lost a little bit of weight to start he soon started putting on once tongue tie was cut.
DS is my fourth child and I am 38 so know he is healthy and am confident that BF is going well however had I been a bit younger or if this was my first child having that said to me by a medical professional would be really upsetting and potentially put someone off breastfeeding!
I am wondering if I should speak to the practice manager, as i know it made me feel really crap having her question his weight and if I am feeding him properly so don't want anyone else to be made to feel like this

Could have been much better put. Right to check if he thought he was on the skinny side, wrong to ask straight off about how he’s fed. See if there’s a problem first.

my worry is that a first time anxious mum would really worry that they are not feeding their baby properly if they had been told they were skinny by a doctor.

Why are you worrying about this?

Trouble is, sometimes medical professionals can say throwaway things to panicking new Mothers that can affect how they feed. Fantastic for all of you who can just 'get over it's, but if you are a new Mum struggling to feed your baby, then comments such as 'your baby is very skinny' can be taken to heart.

my worry is that a first time anxious mum would really worry that they are not feeding their baby properly if they had been told they were skinny by a doctor
Why is that a concern for you?
If they’re worried about it then they’re in the right place talking to the right people about it....doctors know what they’re doing and we can’t just tiptoe around parents like you OP who can’t handle an adjective.

YABU. Take your baby to be weighed by the health visitor.

Mumsnet is full of threads where women who end up formula feeding say they were very upset by anything which suggests breast feeding is in any way better. But here is a woman being told she is over sensitive because someone suggested that bf might not be good enough. Works both ways!

So you're considering complaining, on behalf of a hypothetical, first time mum?

Honestly, chill out.

I'm honestly unclear what else the doctor could have said. Clearly he had a concern regarding the baby's weight/size and needed to express it. At a push, I guess he could have asked what is weight is before asking about feeding but I do think you're over thinking this. And while I'm a huge fan of protecting new mothers' and their mental health, I'm also a big fan of healthcare professionals being able to make comments and review because mothers don't always know best.

Maybe I'm just hormonal but my worry is that a first time anxious mum would really worry that they are not feeding their baby properly if they had been told they were skinny by a doctor.

I know that's what you keep saying, but tbh I think you're just a bit insulted/offended by what the Doctor said.

Be honest, you know a first time mum would simply speak to her HV, which is what I'm sure the Doc would advise anyway.

Your language and the rest of the post sounds like the UK? But childhood vaccinations (the first one is at 8 weeks iirc, not 10 weeks) are done by a nurse, not a doctor.

I'm with you OP, as a first time bf mum that would have panicked me and made me more anxious than I already was, especially as every comment feels like an attack at that stage.

my worry is that a first time anxious mum would really worry that they are not feeding their baby properly if they had been told they were skinny by a doctor.

A first time anxious mum would regularly take their baby to be weighed at the health visitors’ clinic. An experienced mother with DC3 or DC4 is more likely to have a lot of demands on her time from her other DC and is less likely to attend those clinics, meaning that issues might go unnoticed for longer.

“He looks a bit skinny- how is feeding going?”

“He looks a bit skinny, how’s his weight?”

“He looks a bit skinny, have you weighted him recently?”

Loads of things he could have said,

If you were there for immunisations why didn't you look at the chart history together to go through the weight gain over time?

And no, don't complain as others have said, perhaps you're a dab hand st this but others don't know if their baby is nutritionally supported well without support, and who cares if it means people don't bf, or they supplement, if a baby is losing weight and is skinny and isn't maintaining on a percentile Range well then they SHOULD be getting help and support

No don’t complain.

Build a bridge and get over it. My Doctor said similar to me when ds19 was a baby, I laughed and said yep we call him our little wrinkle puppy. Then we had a talk about breastfeeding, how it was going, how often he fed, how much weight he had put on after losing etc and all was well. I was a 19 year old first time mum breast feeding- it never thought to cross my mind to be upset. The only reason I remember the conversation was the doctor laughing over my wrinkle puppy description, then when he was stripped off, she seen his wrinkles, and said I see what you mean and laughed. Conversation over with!

I think you are maybe a 4th time anxious mum and have been hurt by the Dt you don't need to complain though maybe the wording was abrupt but it really was out of concern for your baby.

Donnadon346 - if a new mother is getting her baby weighed regularly and charting the growth in her red book, and therefore knows there is nothing to worry about, then I fail to see how the doctor's question could actually worry her. All she would need to do would be show the doctor the records in the self-same book she will have brought with her to the appointment to have the immunisations recorded in. If she has not been checking the baby's weight, then weighing the baby would reassure her... problem solved - unless she should be worried, of course.

It's literally a doctor's job to concern themselves with the welfare of their patients (in this case, your baby).

Why are you so angry that a doctor took interest in your child's health?

You're confident your baby is fine so what's the issue?

Honestly it sounds more like you've taken the hump because you took it as a personal slight against you/your BF rather than your worry for a hypothetical first time mother.

I am also with you OP. Having been one of those anxious BF first time mothers, I understand how what might seem like a throwaway comment can have a huge impact.

Yes he should have said something if he had concerns.

No, he shouldn’t have expressed it in a way that might have worried a bf mother.

In my surgery, you'd attend for mother and baby's 8 week check at the same time as the first imms, and you'd see the GP first. And, due to scheduling issues, it's perfectly plausible that that would happen at 10 weeks.

Sadly, in some cases, EBF mums don't make enough breastmilk, and their breastfed baby won't gain enough weight unless supplemented. Your doctor was right to ask about feeding method. A baby who is gaining weight too slowly might have an underlying health issue (like reflux, or bowel issues, or heart problems) which is causing that slow weight gain. Or it might be due to a breastfeeding problem. Your doctor was absolutely correct to notice your child's weight and be alert to potential problems. YABVVVU.

I think its a very reasonable question to ask. Did she tell you to stop breastfeeding? Or elaborate on it at all? Because if you were bottle feeding she may have gone on to tell you to try upping the feeds but with breastfeeding it might have been a different conversation - or more of a wait and see conversation.
If a health professional is interested in a very young baby's weight then surely the first thing they should ask is how the baby is fed? The advice following that question is likely to be very different.

'If a new mother is getting her baby weighed regularly and charting the growth in her red book, and therefore knows there is nothing to worry about, then I fail to see how the doctor's question could actually worry her'.

It could be because it's a doctor and it casts doubt.

I understan what you mean. The doctor shouldn't have used the word "skinny". She should have checked his weight first and made sure he was generally healthy. Asking "how are you feeding him " isn"t really relevant as a first question, he could be an underfed formula fed baby.