Doctor just told me how skinny my Baby is and asked me how I'm feeding him, should I complain?

[Donnadon346]

I have just taken my DS who is 10 weeks old for his first set of immunisations, when I walked in the room the first thing the doctor said to me was 'he's very skinny how are you feeding him'
DS was 7lb 4oz born and is now well over 11lb so growing perfectly, I am breastfeeding and he had tongue tie when born so although he lost a little bit of weight to start he soon started putting on once tongue tie was cut.
DS is my fourth child and I am 38 so know he is healthy and am confident that BF is going well however had I been a bit younger or if this was my first child having that said to me by a medical professional would be really upsetting and potentially put someone off breastfeeding!
I am wondering if I should speak to the practice manager, as i know it made me feel really crap having her question his weight and if I am feeding him properly so don't want anyone else to be made to feel like this

All ten week olds look skinny. They only start to bulk up and get chunky around the three month+ mark. Ridiculous remark just from that alone. If your HV is happy with the weight gain level then just ignore it.

I have a BF baby who lost a lot of weight after he was born so the midwives all panicked and made us go to hospital. The hospital tried to force me to give him formula which I absolutely refused and luckily he is my fourth DC so I know what is normal and what isn’t. Had he been my first, I don’t think I’d have had the confidence to refuse. He is now six months old and on the 98th centile for weight and length, in 9-12 month clothing and that was all breastmilk .

Ridiculous. Get something better to focus on. Doctors are under enormous pressure and cannot afford to make a mistake.
Next thing is you will be complaining that a teacher points out bad spelling. That's their job.

You’re right OP. If they thought privately to themselves they could have said, how is feeding going? Shall we have a look at the red book and see what centiles are tracking at... then seen that your baby’s weight is fine and on the right centile and said well done!!

Everyone loves complaining about everything these days, on MN anyway.

Next thing is you will be complaining that a teacher points out bad spelling. That's their job.

That rather depends upon whether they have checked the spelling first to see if it really is 'bad'.

It is crazy to consider reporting a GP for showing concern for their little patient.

Everyone is totally missing the point. The doctor was worrying unecessarily and had the information to show it was ungrounded but chose to speak before looking at it.

I doubt you would think it was okay if a doctor said to a teen girl ooh you’re looking a bit chubby what are you eating? But their BMI was actually healthy and they had recently been weighed and measured. The doctor chose to speak before thinking or checking the facts about an emotive thing. Of course they shouldn’t have some strike on their name but they should be told this isn’t the best way to speak to people.

@outvoid I was literally just going to say the opposite. I’ve just looked at a pic of my then 10 week old who was born at 36 weeks at 4 lb 10. By ten weeks he had filled out enormously, and no longer looked like he was wearing baggy skin! He was mix fed at that weight.

I’m sorry this upset you OP but I think it comes from concern and would have led to further conversation if this was a first time baby. I just admit I’m confused how the doc could have commented on a fully dressed baby though.

'NunoGoncalves

I'm confused. Is it because of the word skinny in particular'?

Hard to explain, but, looking back at the first time Mum me, it sort of is. It's the combination of both the connotation of the word and the fact it comes from a medical professional. If BF is not really working for you and you are already having doubts that you are feeling your child adequately, no matter how hard or how many hours you are trying for, a medical professional saying something like that just confirms your fears.

If my mother had called my baby skinny, I probably would have ignored her

YANBU. Telling a mother their baby looks skinny is not appropriate, especially when it seems that the baby is growing well. Surely the doctor should have asked whether the OP had had his weight checked recently and how his growth was, rather than deciding he was "skinny" which does sound worrying.

BF is not really working for you and you are already having doubts that you are feeling your child adequately, no matter how hard or how many hours you are trying for, a medical professional saying something like that just confirms your fears
What if the GP didn't confirm your fears and the baby got seriously dehydrated, resulting in all sort of tragic outcomes.

What if the GP didn't confirm your fears and the baby got seriously dehydrated, resulting in all sort of tragic outcomes.

There are factual ways to find out if baby is dehydrated !!! Other than looking at him and deciding by the time he passes through the door that something is up!

This has nothing with people wanting the doctor to dismiss worries... it’s about a doctor not following procedures before they pass a judgement to the patient causing unnecessary confusion... when they’re in a position of trust.

My health nurse said my DS was enormous at 6weeks, to stop cluster feeding, not in a kind way, he was born 99.9. She also said she had concerns on his head size, she followed up with "but I see Dad has a large head too, so I am not to worried.

If a doctor looked at me and said “you look pale, are you malnourished” before doing any checks or asking appropriate questions before hand then yes I would complain.

I’m not going to a GP to get her personal casual opinion, I’m going there for a proper medical opinion... which requires more than a silly observation at the door

I think the medical profession should check their notes (or the red book) before commenting.

Friend was reported to SS because her ds was “grossly” over weight and they said friend was over feeding her Ds.

Her Ds was I think about 16lbs. They were arguing that babies his age should be 11lbs

No one actually looked to see his birth weight (11lbs) or to ask how tall his father was (6ft 7”)

Friend said after a visit by SS that it made her paranoid that they had her name and if any of her children became overweight she would have her children taken

YABU there was a case not long ago where a couple were trying to sue the health authority when their child died as they said they weren't given adequate information on how to feed their child properly.

Health care professionals can't win can they. You've got another thread on here where one is being pasted for advising a pregnant mother that she is overweight and it could have implications on her pregnancy after she has already been through having GD once and then this where a doctor is advising that a child looks underweight.

You'd all soon be saying how disgusting a HCP didn't mention it if something dreadful were to happen.

Drs are there to raise any possible concern, it's better to make a comment on a complete non issue rather than gloss over something that may well be a serious problem.

That in no way disregards how the Dr made you feel, your feelings are always without question valid.

On the other hand, working in the healthcare sector myself, unless you're a surgeon etc bedside manner is as important as knowing your arm from your elbow, having said all of that I wouldn't necessarily complain, but I would, completely unapologetically but without being rude, speak to the Dr directly, remind them of what was said and how it made you feel. The reaction you get from the Dr will hopefully be an apology. If the Dr displays an unprofessional or rude response, then I would consider speaking to the practice manager bit stress that you understand the pressure on drs and appointment times, paperwork and targets etc - because the more reasonable and polite you are, the more willing they will be to work with you to make it better!

And congratulations on your lovely healthy baby! Sorry you ended up feeling shitty on this occasion and best of luck for the future xx

A GP that says "they look skinny" is giving an opening for you to explain why.

GP is not being judgemental, she is just asking why that might be. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation and you can just tell her.

You can also refer her to the weight charts in the red book and explain baby has always been on the 50th centile.

If she said "Your baby is skinny, you're obviously not doing enough for him/her" then that would be judgemental, unprofessional and worthy of a complaint.

But she didn't. She is doing her job.

it's the doctors job and sometimes they have to ask these questions it's not an attack on you or your baby. I work in admin we have had complaints about the doctor saying patients are obese but if they are obese and it's causing health issues the doctor does have to have that conversation ( I'm sure it's awful to hear) The same with smoking / drinking too much ECT. It's just their job they have a responsibility to their patients. Now some doctors I'm sure could do with being a little less direct but even so they still have to ask these things. I'm sorry it upset you today and hope you and baby continue to do well

My eldest was skinny and small. Not all babies are the same.

I can't see the point of anyone going to the doctor if they are going to take offence at health questions and advice.

God I hate this wide eyed disingenuousness! So tedious.

Jesus wept!!!
You are joking aren't you?
I hope so.

No, you shouldn’t complain.
As long as your baby is gaining weight well then just forget about it and move on.

What percentile is he on? Does seem rather abrupt and careless wording, especially to a sleep deprived mother!
What was her response when you corrected her with your son's healthy range weight?