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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Doctor just told me how skinny my Baby is and asked me how I'm feeding him, should I complain?

278 replies

Donnadon346 · 13/05/2019 14:27

I have just taken my DS who is 10 weeks old for his first set of immunisations, when I walked in the room the first thing the doctor said to me was 'he's very skinny how are you feeding him'
DS was 7lb 4oz born and is now well over 11lb so growing perfectly, I am breastfeeding and he had tongue tie when born so although he lost a little bit of weight to start he soon started putting on once tongue tie was cut.
DS is my fourth child and I am 38 so know he is healthy and am confident that BF is going well however had I been a bit younger or if this was my first child having that said to me by a medical professional would be really upsetting and potentially put someone off breastfeeding!
I am wondering if I should speak to the practice manager, as i know it made me feel really crap having her question his weight and if I am feeding him properly so don't want anyone else to be made to feel like this

OP posts:
WellErrr · 13/05/2019 15:00

YABVU.

He was probably asking ‘how are you feeding him’ so that he could correctly advise you, not to have a pop at breastfeeding.

Complaining about that would be incredibly unfair and stressful for the doctor.

Cookit · 13/05/2019 15:01

DS is my fourth child and I am 38 so know he is healthy and am confident that BF is going well however had I been a bit younger or if this was my first child having that said to me by a medical professional would be really upsetting and potentially put someone off breastfeeding!
I don’t think you’re wrong actually. It’s a lose-lose situation because the doctor needs to take an interest but I know a lot of first time parents in the early weeks who constantly doubted themselves and feeding.

But yeah, not something to dwell on in the grand scheme of things.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 13/05/2019 15:02

Have you been having the baby weighed regularly?

Original poster
Donnadon346 · 13/05/2019 15:02

I have him weighed every few weeks and none of the HV or my own GP have ever had any concerns about him he's on the 50th centile line which is what he was born as well. There is no issue with his weight at all he doesn't look skinny so it was a strange thing for her to say. Maybe I've just taken offence how she's said it that's all

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 13/05/2019 15:06

You take offence very easily or were you looking for it when it was never there?

Hadjab · 13/05/2019 15:08

I get your concerns, but like you send, he’s not your first, you know he’s healthy, so move on

Walkaround · 13/05/2019 15:09

GPatz - but in what universe would the doctor continue to tell the parent their baby was skinny having seen the growth chart?

JonesTheDow · 13/05/2019 15:09

Wow. A doctor showed concern and interest in your baby. Shock, horror!

A good doctor imo.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2019 15:09

I’ll remember this thread next time a ff mother comes on to say how upset she was because somebody who was breast feeding gave her a funny look at babygroup.

Mrsjayy · 13/05/2019 15:10

Next time you see your own HV mention that Dr So&So was a cheeky bugger and vent but I don't think you need to make an official complaint.

PumpkinPie2016 · 13/05/2019 15:15

To be honest, I don't think it has anything what do ever to do with breastfeeding!

If you were formula feeding, you could have been making it up incorrectly and baby not getting enough or going too long between feeds. In the same way, someone breastfeeding may be struggling with latch/undiagnosed tongue tie and the doctor may have opened up a discussion which could help.

I don't see that there is anything to complain about.

IABUQueen · 13/05/2019 15:16

That’s a bit of an upsetting comment.. he can’t tell that by just looking at the baby. There is a whole graph and range of weights.

My baby wasn’t born at 2.6 kg. Which to me is very small... he followed the 2nd percentile curve so by 10 weeks he would’ve been around 3.2 kg. I was concerned but all the health visitors reassured me that as long as he is on the curve he is fine.

That as long as he is wetting 6/8 nappies a day then the breastfeeding is fine.

I got a lot of pressure from old school randomers telling me my milk must not be enough. But I kept taking him to health visitors each month and they reassured me he is doing just fine.

Plz take him to weigh in clinics and plot on the graph his weight and then these comments won’t bother u. My son is a healthy happy boy and there’s is no concerns from healthcare professionals. I as a mum try to push his weight to the above percentile but there’s no medical worry related to my breastfeeding.

Chocmallows · 13/05/2019 15:17

I'm surprised you aren't getting this more regularly. When mine were babies I was always being asked are they under/over weight from medics and the general public.

People seem a bit obsessed with baby weight and size, but I understand medical professionals as they are shot down if they ignore failure to thrive signs.

The word 'skinny' sounds like slip of the tongue. Crass and unprofessional, but not meant as an insult to you.

IABUQueen · 13/05/2019 15:17

Just read yours is in the 50th percentile.. wow that doctor seems so ignorant... I honestly feel there is a weird need to butt in on breastfeeding mums and make them feel inadequate.

WombatChocolate · 13/05/2019 15:18

OP, do you think you might be feeling rather anxious and overly sensitive due to having recently had a baby again? Lots of people do feel like this and feel they are being judged and are overly touchy about things said when they've just had a baby,neven if it is their 4th? Have a think about if this is the issue really rather than the Doctor..

And are you someone who often thinks people have spoken rudely or inappropriately and takes offence easily? Do you often feel the need to make complaints about how people have spoken to you or dealt with you? If so, you sound like someone who is lacking sensible judgement and sees everyone in life as out to get them. If you're not usually like this,mperhaps it is that you feel sensitive because if just having had a baby. Perhaps recognise it for this. You've got 3 other kids and you know you'll come into contact with GPS, Hvs, teachers etc who won't always have the time to 'stroke you' when they speak but it's not rudeness or cause for complaint. If this is the worst thing you've got to worry about life isn't so bad and if it is really worrying you, perhaps tell the HV that YOU might have an anxiety issue, not that the Doctor was rude.

WorraLiberty · 13/05/2019 15:19

This has absolutely zero to do with breastfeeding.

The Doc had no idea how the OP was feeding the baby, hence the question.

recrudescence · 13/05/2019 15:21

Definitely complain - the practice will be useful for when he starts school.

pitterpatterbaby · 13/05/2019 15:22

Good grief the doctor only asked!

Dieu · 13/05/2019 15:26

No, I definitely wouldn't complain over this Confused

SallyBearwood · 13/05/2019 15:26

I can really understand how a comment like that can set you worrying, especially when your baby is so young and you have just been through the ordeal of birth and sleepless nights. Trust the red book and keep on breastfeeding. Perhaps you could just have a friendly chat with the health visitor next time and mention that you felt the doctors comment was a bit abrupt and could really worry a sensitive young mum... (could have been me :)

SolitudeAtAltitude · 13/05/2019 15:29

this is a straw-man argument, the "if she would have spoken to a first time anxious mum like this..." well, that did not happen.

She spoke to a seasoned veteran mum, who is not looking left right and centre to find insults and slights (I hope)....so let it go

JonesTheDow · 13/05/2019 15:31

@IABUQueen
wow that doctor seems so ignorant... I honestly feel there is a weird need to butt in on breastfeeding mums and make them feel inadequate.

The doctor didn't know she was bf. She asked the OP.

IABUQueen · 13/05/2019 15:33

If someone just walked through the door and you make a surprised exclamation “they’re skinny, how you are feeding them”.. as a doctor you need to be a bit more aware that this causes “anxiety” to a postpartum mother and that you need to be sure of what you are saying before you send her into a frenzy.

That doesn’t sound professional.. there are many ways for the doctor to assess before making remarks that don’t befitt her position of trust.

She should’ve weighed. Checked against the graph. Then started having judgement about the baby’s feeding habits.

I think this sss a needless misjudgment from a doctor. And I think the OP is right m, if that was a first time mother, things would’ve been a lot more confusing.

I received these comments from general people, but I wouldn’t expect a doctor to be so quick to send a mother to worry before she actually checks.

stucknoue · 13/05/2019 15:34

I would rather a dr question every parent than a baby die of malnutrition. They are doing their job. You would think everyone knew what babies need to eat but every now and again there's headline news that a baby was fed oat milk or cows milk with cereal at 7 weeks old.

CupOhTea · 13/05/2019 15:35

No, don't complain!

"She's a bit skinny. How are you feeding?"

Could have just as easily been answered "formula". In which case, she might have tried to ascertain what the problem was. Something like reflux or maybe bottles not being made up correctly.

She was just trying to get the facts, so she could see if there was a problem. It's their job isn't it?

Why did you have to see a doctor for immunisations though? That seems like a bit of a waste of their time tbh.

And I agree it's weird she didn't look at the chart, but there we are.

PS: I finished bfing my now toddler not all that long ago, so I'm not a "defensive" formula feeder, or anything. Before anyone starts.

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