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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow my 10 yr old DS cook dinner every day

204 replies

NobbyD · 13/05/2019 10:02

DS is 10 and massively into cooking. He pretty much thinks, reads and watches everything there is to know about cooking, baking and cuisine. He's a little chef in the making.

He started cooking dinners once a week for us, then got the buzz and now pretty much plans our weekly meals using recipes from Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsey and the like. He makes breakfast and dinner every single day. And I'm not talking bung in the oven, or jar stuff. He'll cook risottos, seafood pasta, curries, and especially likes cooking fish and seafood with an array of veg. His ultimate day out is going to the fishmonger, choosing a fish he's not heard of and then finding a recipe, then going to a greengrocer for organic veg and then cooking it. He's honestly amazing! And I've even now got him washing up before and after.

My question is, should I allow him to cook every day? I've been told that I shouldn't let my 10yr old cook for me everyday. That it could be dangerous for 10yr old to be using the oven, the hobs, grill, etc etc. That I'm the mother, I should be cooking for him or at least with him (he doesn't want me in the kitchen, he hates it if I look over him but I am supervising from the other room where I can see him). But tbh, he's better than me. His meals are nutritious, cooked from scratch, and balanced (nothing that I could achieve). But I've been told that like any hobby/obsession, there needs to be a balance. He needs to find other interests. He's only 10!

He plays football for a team too. He also has a younger brother, 6, who is disabled. So his cooking time is when he gets to relax and do something he loves away from his very demanding brother. I've even woken up of a weekend and DS1 is making cakes with DS2 at 7.30am letting his little bro stir the mix!!

I'm trying to find him a culinary school but all the ones for kids are basic stuff like pizza making, which is so below his standard he'd be bored, and all the ones he would like to do are for adults only.

AIBU to allow him to indulge in his cooking obsession at 10 or should I fully embrace this and be grateful I have DS who is smart, talented, and wants to cook for the family?

OP posts:
HappinessIsKey · 13/05/2019 11:08

It's amazing he has discovered his passion in life!!

I would let him cook away, it's obviously his 'break' away from day to day life. Much better than sitting in front of a television screen!!

The only thing I wouldn't like, is my son to be doing all the cleaning and putting things away everyday. It's good that he likes everything tidy. But I would be doing that part for him..clearing the table, washing the pots, loading the dishwasher..you say otherwise you would come back in to a bomb site?
To me it sounds like he is left to cook by himself from what you said.

Maybe it would be nice for you to do all that part and interact with him, being his 'sous-chef' and ask him loads of questions and get him to teach you how to cook! You get special one on one time with him then, and he would thrive from being a teacher sort of thing and spending special time with mummy!

TW1 · 13/05/2019 11:08

If he’s cooking , you should wash up .

He sounds amazing but don’t wear him out x

abigailsnan · 13/05/2019 11:09

You certainly have a superstar of a son,he sounds so sensitive towards his little brother including him in what he does,well done to him.
As long as he is enjoying what he is doing support him all you can I'd far rather have a child of mine doing this than sitting on a games consul all day,he obviously can be a team player as its shown in his interest in football so he is getting his fair share of excercise and mixing with other boys.
Best of luck to himI hope he does well in the future.

Original poster
NobbyD · 13/05/2019 11:10

@Goldmandra
I agree with everything you've said. I do worry about his insular shyness. I suffered with it (still do) so I don't make him feel bad about it but I get that going to secondary school next year might be a struggle for him.

No he doesn't really interact off the pitch. DH makes him go to all the socials after games etc where he will (eventually) interact with his teammates, but he hates going. He's popular at school (goes to a very small primary, one class intake) and is the school council rep and chosen for all the sports stuff and academic extras they do. He's exceptionally bright. Mind like a sponge. The social side is really his biggest difficulty.

OP posts:
stucknoue · 13/05/2019 11:11

As far as experience, try local proper restaurants, I'm sure there's up a d coming chefs who would love to meet and inspire him

speedbird55 · 13/05/2019 11:14

Might be worth trying an adult cookery lesson , if you explained the circumstances to the school before you booked ? I shared a lesson once with a lovely young girl of about 12 she was very talented and easily managed the day and lessons , as well if not better than most of the adults

Springwalk · 13/05/2019 11:15

I would perhaps consider limiting it to every other night so that he can do his homework, play outside and be a child as well.

Lovely for him to have found such a passion, can we borrow him for a week or two?

Original poster
NobbyD · 13/05/2019 11:16

@CrispbuttyNo1 - Thank you! we do have a garden and yes he's growing his own herbs, and chilli and carrots and onions. He often rushes out to the garden for the rosemary etc when cooking. My dad's a massive gardener so we get tons of veg planted for us. Sadly, I'm terrible, but DS seems to be doing well with it!

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 13/05/2019 11:20

Haven’t RTFT, but I think the people who told you not to let him cook etc are wrong in this instance. He sounds sensible and clearly has a passion for cooking. You clearly don’t expect him the cook your dinner everyday so the situation is different to what some people could assume.

Hope you can find, or he can in few years time, a decent college for him.

MoodLighting · 13/05/2019 11:22

Hey OP your son sounds like a diamond. There's so many lovely recipe books in our local library, has he had a look in yours? Also my Mum used her Tesco Clubcard vouchers to get me a Good Food magazine subscription which is a nice treat. Cookery courses in our borough are great but you have to be 16 unfortunately.

Goldmandra · 13/05/2019 11:23

It sounds like the cooking could be a huge source of self-esteem to him. Adults will be full of praise and keen to talk to him about what he cooks. This is probably replacing peer social interaction very effectively.

It isn't a bad thing because it is important to have that feedback and I can see it could be quite hard for him to find joint activities to enjoy with peers. He might find even the interaction involved in classroom learning quite frustrating if he's that bright.

Are there any activities you could find that he might enjoy but where he won't be ahead of the others? Maybe something a bit calmer like kayaking or climbing. These support more social interaction than football games but, at the same time, it's lower arousal so he might find them easier to engage with.

I think you're right to support the cooking but whoever expressed concern is right in part at least. He needs opportunities to feel successful in more social activities, even if it's only once a week.

Missingstreetlife · 13/05/2019 11:23

It's hard having disabled sibling, these kids often grow up too capable.
Make sure he gets plenty of attention for just being, not only doing. Just be aware if he is a ppl pleaser, developing a problem with food or not getting needs met. Otherwise, enjoy!

MNOverinvestor · 13/05/2019 11:23

Maybe take him to Markethall www.markethalls.co.uk/market/victoria in Victoria station? There are some great food vendors there with open kitchens, Gopal's Corner is the very wonderful Roti King...

Ruralretreating · 13/05/2019 11:23

Atelier des chefs in central London do Parent and Child classes for age 6-13. Some of it looks basic but you could give them a call and find out what’s coming up. Not sure if there’s a minimum age for their normal classes. I went to a corporate event there recently and it was ace.

Original poster
NobbyD · 13/05/2019 11:25

@MoodLighting He trawls the charity shops for cheap cooking books - hot most of the jamie olivers for £1 in there. We also subscribe to Good Food magazine (my parents always tried to get me into cooking, but it skipped a generation, so at least the subscription is being put to good use now lol).

OP posts:
Uptheshard · 13/05/2019 11:27

....we own a restaurant in Italy, is he interested in a summer position?

haloumi · 13/05/2019 11:27

My only concern would be safety. If he is safe, appreciates risk... both in terms of heat, sharp objects, hygene, and risks associated with badly cooked food...

I'd let him CRACK ON! … Sounds amazing! …

Original poster
NobbyD · 13/05/2019 11:28

@Goldmandra again, spot on. He loves the adult interaction. Especially with his nan who also lets him cook when he stays there. And yes, I should def make him do more social activities with his peers. Thank you for all your great advice

OP posts:
SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 13/05/2019 11:28

Ds14 enjoys cooking (when he isn’t shouting at the XBox!), the last few weeks we’ve had lasagne, spaghetti Bol, chicken en croute, chicken salad, chilli, roast dinner, Thai curry, chow mien and sausage, beans and cheese/potato pie. So nowhere on the level your ds cooks! But he cooks and he enjoys it. I think I’ve cooked once in the last week. He’s a rugby player at 5ft 9/10 ish, has a great group of friends, works hard in school and plays the Xbox each night. So he’s a typical teen. He just enjoys and is good at cooking too, ds19 can also cook well. It’s something I’ve brought them both up doing and I see as a life skill. If your ds is enjoying what he is doing than I don’t see the problem at all.

RantyAnty · 13/05/2019 11:28

He sounds wonderful.

Does he have an instagram to show off his meals?

Of course let him do it as long as he wants to do it!

Much better than sitting around playing video games.

Original poster
NobbyD · 13/05/2019 11:29

@uptheshard - YES YES YES!!!! His next thing to crack is making his own pasta, I think I have to get him a pasta machine!

OP posts:
Original poster
NobbyD · 13/05/2019 11:31

@RantyAnty - I haven't let him have any social media as yet. That's far too scary. But I do post his meals on my facebook as a means to gloat... hence what got this conversation started really! But maybe I should set up an instagram for him, that I manage, and post pics there. He also wants to do youtube videos of his cooking, but I'm just too worried for the comments that will come his way...

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 13/05/2019 11:33

I think you should find somewhere posh, and take him as a treat every so often . Also tell him you think you should cook sometimes together. .
Maybe get him doing some baking as a rest, that he can take to School.

Nuttyaboutnutella · 13/05/2019 11:34

Is this a stealth boast?? Grin

Feel free to send him around to my house, OP. I'm heavily pregnant with a toddler. Some days, I barely manage to throw a bowl of cereal together and I generally love food/cooking.

I think it's a great passion to encourage. He sounds lovely and it's good for him to be doing rather than just playing Xbox all day.

Shallowhals · 13/05/2019 11:35

Ooohhh I’m going to start training my 3 year old up in the hope she’ll be like your DS! I’m jealous OP Grin I’d encourage this big time, it’s a win win as far as hobbies go. His future partner will thank you too Wink