Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DP dropped our baby

109 replies

DinosaurShoes · 13/05/2019 09:56

I am absolutely fuming and feel very off about my DP's reaction and wanted some perspective.

We have an 18 week old. It's been a tough start to parenthood with DC having a lot of health problems but we are getting there. However, sleep hasn't really featured much in our lives lately.

At around half one this morning, baby was awake so DP got up to pick them up. He sort of half falls and drops DC. Queue DC screaming even more and me jumping up to pick up DC and check they were okay. DP just sits there, doesn't move to pick up DC or ask if they are okay.

I start to feed DC who settles once getting fed and then ask DP why the hell he didn't react. He says he was in shock. My response is that after 5 minutes he should at least have asked if DC was okay or said something but he hadn't and that it wouldn't matter how much shock I was in, I'd pick up DC straight away.

DP then got very shouty and just said "well I guess I'm just a shit dad then" and expected me to say otherwise and make him feel better. I refused as I was busy with DC so he got more shouty so I told him I'm not the one he should be angry with and he went back to sleep.

So, AIBU to be a bit worried about his lack of reaction? Honestly he didn't seem to care at all. There wasn't any sign of concern. It's like I'd told him I'd fed the cat, but actually he'd react more to that by saying something. I'm suddenly really concerned about his lack of care about DC.

I'm sure it was an accident, it's the lack of concern or care that's getting to me. It just feels so off and like he doesn't care about our DC. Thank you if you made it to the end. Sorry if this was rambling on, I'm a bit shocked still.

OP posts:

araiwa · 13/05/2019 10:00

9 hours later youre still in shock but you cant imagine why the person who actually dropped the baby was in shock 5 minutes after the event?

It was an accident. Baby is ok. Id leave it at that

DonPablo · 13/05/2019 10:00

As a one off, I'd let it go. He's knackered, you're knackered, it was the middle of the night.

There will be loads more things like this that crop up, and being a team is the best way to get through it together, even though you don't feel like being nice about it.

Glad lo is OK, and I bet the shock means hell be more careful in future.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 13/05/2019 10:00

It’s horrifyingly scary when something like that happens. We’ve all been there done that because nobody is perfect. You’re talking about his lack of concern but once you realised your baby was ok (feeding etc) did you not think to be concerned for him? He’s had a nasty shock and probably needs a cuddle.

ravenmum · 13/05/2019 10:01

You were both shocked by what happened, and both reacted with fear and anger, just in different ways.

Is this just about this incident? Sounds like you have more general concerns.

Youshallnotpass · 13/05/2019 10:02

If I had dropped my baby I would have been completely shell shocked, anger is a very natural response to this also if challenged the way you challenged him.

It's not like he did it on purpose.

Witchofzog · 13/05/2019 10:02

You are both exhausted and it was an accident. Draw a line under it. If your dh is normally a decent person then it probably is as he said it was. In the nicest possible way do you sometimes criticise the way he looks after your dc? His reaction sounds like he was waiting for a telling off.

Prequelle · 13/05/2019 10:02

It's a horrible situation and you're both knackered and stressed. I would cut him some slack.

SparklyMagpie · 13/05/2019 10:03

I think you've been a little out of order tbh.

He didn't deliberately do it, and if you feel like this hours on still then don't you think this will be bothering him as well?

Nobody knows how they will deal with things when they're in shock

Atleast baby is ok.

Soubriquet · 13/05/2019 10:03

Poor guy sounds like he was really shook up

My dh fell off a small step onto a laminate floor when our ds was 9 weeks old. Ds landed face first which shattered a dummy (the first and last time he ever had one) that left him with a cut lip and swollen side of his face.

My poor dh was terrified and completely inconsolable. Even now 4 years later he still goes quiet if someone mentions it

Give the guy a break. He is tired and probably shook up

Pk37 · 13/05/2019 10:03

I think you’re being really harsh .
Of course he could still be in shock, he most probably felt really guilty and feels shit about what just happened.
Don’t be an arse

ScreamScreamIceCream · 13/05/2019 10:04

Take a deep breath.

Firstly you are both stressed due to having a newborn so you will both over react especially with a sickly newborn.

Secondly your partner is starting to realise that when you have a child you aren't the most important thing in the world and the child comes first in everyone’s concerns including you, his partner.

Thirdly some people freeze in moments of crisis/concern and it appears your partner is one of them. By ignoring him and dealing with the crisis at hand you are doing the mature thing. Let him sulk. He will soon learn that he cannot have an audience for everything in life and just needs to get on with it.

Baloonphobia · 13/05/2019 10:04

Sounds like he got a fright. The anger might be the shock. It's a stressful time. Maybe you both need to have a chat and give each other a break.

mindutopia · 13/05/2019 10:04

It’s a scary thing to have happen but it’s normal, I’d say, and we all go through this. When our first was 3 days old, my dh fell down the stairs with her (she was fine, it was just scary) and I was so sleep deprived that I put her down on the bed to go use the toilet (dh right there with her), came back, forgot she was there and nearly sat on her. It happens. You’re both stressed and tired and still adjusting. I’d cut him some slack.

Prisonbreak · 13/05/2019 10:06

If baby is fine then I’d let it go. Just because he didn’t react how you would like, doesn’t mean he reacted incorrectly. He might think your reaction was wrong?

MummyParanoia101 · 13/05/2019 10:07

I disagree with everyone else. I had a baby to someone like this who was just so laid back he didn't think there was anything wrong with leaving baby alone in the bath once she could sit up!!!! Then didn't react when I ran upstairs screaming!!!! He honestly rushes for NOBODY or NOTHING. No sense of urgency whatsoever. He also didn't see a problem with leaving our baby alone and going to work whilst I was in hospital!!!! She was 5 weeks old!
I'm not saying OP's partner is the same, but I can't believe everyone is dismissing it!!! I think even social services would be worried about his lack of concern?

Rachie1973 · 13/05/2019 10:08

You’re both shattered. Shit happens.

You admit to being shocked yourself, it’s totally possible he was shocked immediately. I think your being hard on him.

In 20 years it’ll be a funny story.

HennyPennyHorror · 13/05/2019 10:09

You overreacted. I don't respond well to falls and accidents. Your DP fell and may not have reacted properly due to being tired.

You're both tired. Don't sweat the small stuff...this is small.

Merryoldgoat · 13/05/2019 10:10

He also didn't see a problem with leaving our baby alone and going to work whilst I was in hospital!!!! She was 5 weeks old!

What?! Are you seriously saying he left a baby alone in a house at 5 weeks old?

Janus · 13/05/2019 10:12

Wow mummy, really? 5 weeks old?? I hope you left him?

Baloonphobia · 13/05/2019 10:13

The baby was picked up though. And it doesn't sound like he just went 'Ah well, I'll just pop off and make a cuppa'. It sounds like he got a fright.

cuppycakey · 13/05/2019 10:13

OP you are both sleep deprived and this must have been shocking for both of you.

Try to be kind to yourselves and each other

DerelictWreck · 13/05/2019 10:13

Everyone reacts differently to this stuff.

When my niece was about 6 months old I dropped her little shit dived out my arms and she hit the kitchen table. I immediately burst into tears, my dad started shouting at me, and her mum remained calm told everyone to get over it and sorted out the baby. Pretty sure that makes her the best care giver, not the worst!

Happyspud · 13/05/2019 10:14

Mummy, you might be projecting a bit. OP said nothing about her DH being completely negligent as standard. Just that he dropped the baby and went quiet. Then she practically called him a shit dad. So from what she’s said (and it’s her post so she had scope to write anything she felt was relevant) she was quite unfair and unkind to her DH. But as mums we all know how blinkered and stressed things can be to lead you to be so angry and cold to your partner in those early days so I can’t criticise her either.

Original poster

DinosaurShoes · 13/05/2019 10:14

Thank you everyone for your responses, I need to give my head a wobble! He usually is very expressive so it was just odd.

@MummyParanoia101 Oh my word! 5 weeks??? DP is a bit too laid back sometimes but that just is awful!

OP posts:

SoyDora · 13/05/2019 10:14

He also didn't see a problem with leaving our baby alone and going to work whilst I was in hospital!!!! She was 5 weeks old!

This is completely shocking but has absolutely no relevance to the situation in the OP.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.